Touch Therapy
by Jeangb
Summary: A look at what Christian's life may have been like if The Greys had been more persistent in helping him overcome his Hephaphobia.
1. Chapter 1

**A few short snippets about how different Christian's childhood could have been if Grace and Carrick had been a bit more determined to help him get over his **

**Haphephobia. **

**All characters belong to E.L. James. **

Chapter 1.

The visceral scream rent through the house causing the hairs on the necks of the people who heard it to stand on end.

The scream was from a child; a child in torment and pain. It rent at the heartstrings of his mother who leaped out of bed and ran to the child's bedroom.

He was writhing in his bed, his arms and legs were flaying in an effort to free him self from the twisted sheet.

His face was red and contorted in pain, as he screamed and screamed.

His mother knelt beside the bed, and gently freed the boys' legs and arms. Talking soothingly to him, she tried to take him in her arms to hold him to calm him. But he pushed away, in panic and screamed louder. She released him and began to stroke his hair that was damp with sweat

"Hush, hush darling, you are safe now no one is ever going to hurt you again, _ever _"

She began to hum a tune, a gentle, soothing lullaby.

Gradually the boy settled and his breathing steadied the sobbing hiccups shaking his frail and tortured little body.

Again, she tried to hold him, but he tried to push her away trembling. She held on to him whispering, "If you let me hold you just a little, little bit you will feel better. I promise I will not hurt you; try and trust me, I love you, please just a little, little bit."

He relaxed for the briefest moment, and then he became tense, his breathing becoming erratic as panic swept over him.

"Ok, I'll let you go, well done, darling. You see that didn't hurt did it? You see Christian, the fear is inside your head, and no one here is going to harm you. Sleep now, dear boy."

Christian held her hand tightly, tears streaming down his face. His mother stroked his hair again, and continued to sooth him until; at last, he drifted off to sleep.

"Elliot, Christian, get in the house at once, look at the state of you. Upstairs and bath NOW!"

The two boys ran into the house roaring with laughter, they had, had a good time playing at the waters edge in the mud.

In the bathroom their mother filled the bath with sudsy water.

"C'mon guys get undressed, daddy will be home soon and he wants to sit and hang out with you both, we are going to have a movie night. No school tomorrow. "

Elliot started stripping off his clothes whooping in delight. And was in the bath in no time at all. Christian however, hung back he was still very reluctant to share a bath with Elliot.

"Christian Grey, get yourself undressed and in the bath." his mother said firmly, "Elliot will stay at one end and you at the other. Don't worry Elliot will not touch you.

Remember Elliot, no touching ok?" her voice was much gentler.

They were making some progress with Christian's fears but it was slow, painfully slow. But his nightmares were becoming less fearsome as was gently held by one or other of his parents. The periods he allowed himself to be held were getting longer, and he wasn't as scared to go to bed and sleep.

He still resisted any physical contact at any other time.

Christian, still wary undressed and using a small stool climbed in the bath. He kept himself as far away from Elliot as possible and he wouldn't allow his mother to wash him.

Elliot began to make bubbles by scooping up the suds in his ringed thumb and fingers and splashing around. Christian was laughing and kicked water at him. Elliot filled the sponge with soapy water, stood and squeezed the sponge over Christian's head. Then the water fight broke out; the boys were kicking and splashing, shrieking with joy. They were having a great time and their mother watched in delighted amusement. Elliot slipped and fell on Christian, he froze, eyes wide. Elliot scrambled off him as quickly as he could,

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you Christian honestly"

Christian sat panting his eyes closed; when he opened them he gave a huge smile and shook his head. He put his hand on Elliot's shoulder and smiling brightly nodded and did ok sign with his fingers.

Their mother's eyes filled with tears, they'd made it a little further across the bridge.

"Come Elliot let me help get you dry and she helped him out of the bath and wrapped him in a large fluffy towel. Christian watched anxiously. But seeing how Elliot didn't mind, relaxed somewhat. His mother wasn't touching Elliot's skin she was just rubbing him gently with the towel. Having towel dried his hair she left him to his own devises.

"Are you going to let me help you Christian?" previously she had, had to watch the little boy struggle to dry himself absolutely refusing to allow her to help.

Today however, he stood and climbed out of the bath and walked into the fluffy towel that his mom was holding and standing stiffly allowed her to wrap it around him. He was rigid with fear. But didn't pull away as his mom softly, gently rubbed his back. He stood it as long as he could then tore himself away.

"Looks like double popcorn for someone tonight "their mother was absolutely thrilled and couldn't wait to tell their father about the progress they had made today.

A/N Please review remember this is pure speculation. I have often wondered why Dr Grace wasn't more persistent. Being a paediatrician she would have know how important touch is to the development in infants and small children


	2. Chapter 2

**Than**k**s to everyone who has favourite, following and reviewing.**

**I just want to point out, that I am not a child psychiatrist, just a mother and grandmother who couldn't bear for a child to have nightmares following trauma. I wouldn't be able to just go along respecting boundaries if I knew my child was hurting. **

**All characters belong to E.L. James. **

Chapter 2.

Christian is nearing his sixth birthday; he has lived with his new mom and dad for two years now. He feels safe and he knows that these people care for him. But the nightmares still come, he sees the man with the belt coming for him, hurting him, hurting his mother, and he so wants to help her, to stop him from hurting her but when he tries, he can't he is too small, too weak. And he feels the pain as the belt bites as the cigarettes burn; he hears his mother crying and his own screams wake him.

When he wakes, trembling and sweating they are there, to take the terror away. Their touch takes the fear away but the pain lingers. Some times it's so bad he can't bear for them to touch him and he has to push them away; they don't let go of him right away, they always hold him for a little bit longer; just a little bit longer every time. And it's getting better.

To day he is sitting with Elliot, watching him doing his homework. Christian doesn't do homework; he doesn't go to school because he has lost his words. He knows the words but they just won't come out. So his new mom has him working at home. She reads to him and has him writing things called letters and numbers. And best of all, she is showing him how to make the music on the piano. She says when he is a little bigger she will bring a teacher to show him how to play the piano properly.

He can recognise some of the words in the books now and he can write his name and where he lives. He finds that he can do the sums that Elliot does and he knows Elliot gets them wrong.

Like today, Elliot is getting them wrong. Christian is shaking his head at him,

Saying in his head "No, No it doesn't work like that."

Elliot glowers at him; he understands what he is saying.

"Well, Mr know all, you think you're so clever you do it" and he nudges Christian's

Shoulder with his own.

This Elliot knows he can do without causing Christian to become upset. They often have these nudging contests and they have become the equivalent to a play fight. This Christian can tolerate; it's a recent break through and it is fun.

Elliot tosses his pencil to Christian and a page out of his note book. Christian looks at the numbers a small frown on his forehead as he concentrates. His pick up the pencil and solves the problem writing down the answer in neat rows. Then smirking slides the paper in front of Elliot.

"Mom, "Calls Elliot "Will you look at this sum and tell me which answer is right?"

"Sure, honey, be right with you" she sits with her boys and looks over the pages.

"This one is the right answer. "She says pointing to the one Christian wrote. "Well done, Elliot" she says patting him on his back.

Christian punches the air and nudges Elliot's shoulder a big grin on his face.

Their mom looks at them "Am I missing something here?"

"Christian got it right, not me" Says Elliot sulkily.

"Really!" their mom is amazed. Then she gently rubs Christian's head.

At that moment, dad comes into the room.

"Carrick, just come over here and look at this." and shows him the completed sum

"Christian has done this, isn't great?"

Carrick looks at the paper and his eyes open wide. He sits beside Christian and asks quietly, "Can you do anymore, Christian? Can you help Elliot to work out the rest?"

Christian nods. And he and Elliot settle down to finish the homework.

There is a lot of tutting and shaking of heads, gentle nudging and giggling from the boys.

Grace and Carrick look on from the couch away from the table where the boys are.

They talk in low voices;

"You know Grace we are going to have to get a special tutor or find a school that deals with kids with problems like Christian's."

"Yes, he is very bright, I mean Elliot is bright, and above his age year in school; but Christian is up to his level in math and he is not six yet the only thing that's stopping going to school is his inability to speak. We don't know how well he reads, but he understands enough to be able to work out the math. We need a good therapist for him to break through the barrier that is stopping him from speaking. We know he can talk, the police woman who brought him out of the apartment said he was yelling for his mommy; but stopped as she got him in the car to take him to hospital.

"Mmm do you know of a good therapist through the hospital?"

"Of course, and now we have made some headway with his being touched and he is happy with us I think it's time."

**Six months later.**

"Now boys, do you remember that I told you that this is a special day?"

"Yes, you said you had a surprise for us" said Elliot eagerly.

"Well, later to day daddy and I are going to see a very special person, and if everything works out right we will be bringing her home in a week or two."

Both boys look on curiously. Elliot has a little scowl on his face and rubs his curly blond hair,

"Her: A girl? " Elliot doesn't like girls they are silly.

"It's like this boys, I'm fed up with being the only girl around here, so we are going to adopt a little girl so she can stick up for me against all you boys"

The boys think this over, not sure. They look at each other and Christian shakes his head and grimaces he doesn't like girls either. He doesn't like it when they put their arms around him and try and kiss him; it hurts. He only likes it when mom puts her arms around him in the night when he has nightmares, then it feels safe and the bad dreams go away.

Grace can see the concern on their faces.

"The good thing about this is that Mia is really just a baby. So she will not bother you for a while. But she will be your little sister so, because you are both so much bigger your dad and I will be expecting you to watch out for her."

Elliot shrugs, "Has she no mom and dad of her own like Christian and me?"

Christian frowns as he thinks "I have a mom of my own! but she left me. I remember my mommy, she had long brown hair, and, and she didn't care for me because I am a bad boy and she left Me." he is shaking now with the memories and he is breathing fast.

Grace notices Christian's reaction and reaches out to hold him but he pulls away with a guttural cry and runs out of the door. He runs and runs until he comes to the boat jetty. He sits down panting and shaking. Thoughts running through his head.

"I have a new mom she cares for me; she gives me food, I have lots of clothes to wear, I am warm, no one shouts or hits me or burns me here. No more of that but where is my mom I haven't seen her in so long; not since she went to sleep on the floor." Christian shivers as if cold and tears come into his eyes and roll down his cheeks. He is sobbing trying to breathe as realisation hits him. "My mommy is dead!"

After a while he feels a gentle hand on his head. New mommy is here. The hand slides down the back of his head and onto his shoulders pulling him close.

"Oh my dear, dear boy, hush now we have you, you are safe we love you Christian "


	3. Chapter 3

**Thankyou to all reviewers and followers. Your input keeps me going.**

**All characters belong to E. **

**Tissue alert.**

**Chapter 3.**

That night, Christian has the worst nightmare in nearly a year. He wouldn't let his mom comfort him at all. Both his dad and Elliot go to his bedside and try to settle him but he cried and sobbed for the longest time before falling into exhausted sleep. Throughout the next day Christian was distant with everyone. He stayed in his room refusing to be among them.

In the late afternoon, before Elliot was due home from school; his mom went into his room with milk and freshly baked cookies, chocolate, and his favourite.

She sat on his bed, and stroked his hair, he stiffened and moved away.

"Christian, look at me." she said quietly. He turned and looked at her his jaw set his mouth in a stiff straight line, his striking gray eyes looked angry and hurt. He was breathing heavily and close to tears.

"Can you write what you want to say?" he shook his head, a hint of stubbornness in the response.

"I think you can if you really tried. Are you angry with me?" he shakes his head "With your dad? "He shakes his head; "With Elliot?" he shakes hid head.

"With who then?"

Finally he gets up off his bed and goes to the desk under the window. It takes him several painstaking minutes to write,

"_Is my mommy dead?"_

Grace stares at the slip of paper with a cold chill in the pit of her stomach. How to answer?

"Yes darling I'm afraid she is." she says gently. Christian's face pales and he bites his lip trying to hold back his tears as he points to himself.

"Is it your fault?" he nods his head, biting harder.

"Oh no, darling, it's not your fault. Never think that, ever. She was ill, you couldn't do anything. Please, please don't blame yourself. You were too little to do anything; it's not your fault." Grace tries to touch his head to gently stroke his tousled copper hair. He doesn't move but allows her to sooth him, allows her to put her arm around his trembling shoulders, where he cries as if his little heart was breaking.

That night his nightmares plague him again. He won't allow his dad near him screaming and pushing him away. Elliot comes into the room and touches Christian on his shoulder,

"It's alright little bro, I will look after you." gradually Christian settles a little. But he is still shaking and trembling. His eyes large with fear. Carrick leaves the room and goes to Grace.

"I'm afraid; he's not going to settle with me. He is afraid of me." he states sadly.

"It's not you, per se, Carrick. I think it is men in general. After what that brute did to him; he will see all men as a potential threat. Especially, after he's just relived the horror in his dream. I'm going to give him a mild sedative to get him off to sleep tonight. But I don't want to do that too often; it's not good for him. I think these dreams have come back to him after realising his mom is dead. I've been in touch with a colleague of mine who knows a good female psychologist and I'm going to bring her in to see him as soon as possible I think he will respond better to a woman. In the meantime I'd better go and relieve poor Elliot, although things are quiet at the moment. At least he's letting Elliot calm him."

Having got the medication from her medicine cabinet Grace goes into Christian's room to find both boys asleep. Elliot is laid beside Christian they are not touching, but Elliot has his hand in Christian's hair. Grace quietly tip toes out of the room after covering both boys with the blankets.

Grace engages Dr West to assess Christian. She is a highly experienced psychologist who has dealt with many cases of post traumatic stress disorder in young children. She is kind and gentle and very patient. She embarks on treatment, play therapy, with Christian. She takes her time to gain his trust and encourages Grace and Carrick to continue to take baby steps with touching. She thinks that the bond Elliot is developing with Christian will grow naturally as they are playing together and Christian does not see Elliot as a threat. But it will take time to overcome the deeper issues of betrayal, hopelessness, and low self esteem due to what Christian sees as abandonment by his mother.

**Six months later.**

Christian had a great party for his sixth birthday. The boys went out on the boat with Carrick, just for an hour while Grace took care of their new baby sister, Mia.

They had invited a friend of Elliot's from school and another boy, Peter from Christian's play therapy group. But they were coming over later in the afternoon.

Peter had similar experiences as Christian but was healing quite well. They had stuck up a friendship playing together at group sessions and Peter seemed to understand what Christian wanted without words; although Peter could talk.

Grace had her friend Elena over to help prepare the party feast. They made a huge chocolate cake in the shape of a helicopter. Christian loved helicopters and his mom and dad had given him a new remote controlled one; he was thrilled with it.

They played really noisy party games and Carrick refereed a softball game between the four boys and that was really good until Elliot's friend, Jimmy, hit the ball so hard it hit Peter on the head as he was running to base and a little skirmish broke out when Peter lost his temper and tackled Jimmy to the ground. That was when Carrick called time on the game and suggested that they ate the feast.

The boys ate and ate burgers, hot dogs, popcorn, fries, ice cream, Jell-O, blueberry muffins, doughnuts and great big slices of cake. Elliot started a food fight with Christian so once again time out had to be called before it got out of hand.

Christian had become Mia's guardian he was fascinated by her. He would sit beside her crib and watch her for hours. He would help his mom feed and bathe her and when she started crawling, he was there to watch over her. Most days Grace would let him hold her and he didn't seem to mind when her tiny hands grabbed his shirt or touched his face.

Elliot was not so impressed; he would roll his eyes when she cried. And when she started crawling and grabbing his toys he was very impatient especially when she destroyed the Lego house he was building. But he too liked to hold her for a while if mom was busy. At these times he would sit and explain to her that she couldn't eat his cars or his action men and she would smile and gurgle or blow raspberries at him looking up with her big brown eyes; then he would laugh at her and blow raspberries back at him.

Several times during his party he went to see her just to make sure she was ok. Suddenly, he came running up to Grace and tugged at her sleeve, his eyes wide panting, and "Come mommy, Mia crying!"

The whole party came to a halt and everyone stared at him their mouths wide open in amazement. Grace hugged him but he pushed her away impatiently, and repeated insistently;

"Mia crying!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for your reviews so kind.**

A/N I found this chapter so difficult to write as I didn't want to go beyond the realms of credibility. Christian could not have recovered overnight it would take years of therapy to heal him. So I've taken my time and done a little research so that I can be realistic.

All characters belong to E. .

Chapter 4

Once Christian found his voice he was a lot happier as he could communicate with everyone. He and Elliot developed a very close bond laughing and talking none stop on some days. Elliot would include Christian when out with his own friends. Although at times Christian was broody and reticent to interact with the family. It worried both Grace and Carrick, that on family get together Christian would hide himself in the background, distancing himself. Grace felt sure that he was wary when approached because he could not bear them to touch him; and family wanted to hug him along with Elliot and Mia.

It was only at night when he had nightmares and on rare occasions after bathing he would let Grace hold him. As he got older he didn't even want Grace in the bathroom with him.

His therapist Dr West was making very little progress with play therapy as Christian was reluctant to talk about his nightmares, nor did any of his drawing reflect any of his fears. He became very angry when Dr West tried a little touch therapy; he would fight her off and scream at her.

It was felt that Christian would improve once he started in mainstream school and began to interact with children of his own age. And although very bright academically he often refused to joint in group activities; especially if they brought him in close contact with his peers. He was terrified they would touch him. If the other kids touched him either accidentally or by design he would lash out.

"So Christian, I hear you were fighting at school again today, do you want to tell me why?" asked Dr West kindly. The boy intrigued her he was so determined not to face his fears. She had been stonewalled for nearly two years now.

"This kid was touching me, I don't like people touching me you know that." he answered sullenly. His body language was guarded, arms folded, eyes downcast.

"Yes I do know that. What I don't know is why"

Christian closed his eyes and gritted his teeth his mouth tight closed.

"Christian, if you don't talk about what scares you and get them out of your system you will never overcome the fear."

"I'm not scared!" he shouted, "It hurts too much."

"The pain is in your head your scars have healed now. You let your mom, and Mia touch you that doesn't hurt does it?"

"Yes it does, but not so much, I don't mind that. But it hurts when Elliot and dad touch me."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't think they like me. "

"But they do, Christian your mom, dad, Elliot and Mia, love you."

"Well they shouldn't" Christian said stubbornly.

"Why should they not love you? "

He stood up, "I'd like to go home now please."

"Christian, you are avoiding answering me. I want you to tell me why your family shouldn't love you. Your mom and dad adopted you they wanted you in their lives. They choose _you!"_

Christian turned and looked at Dr West; there were tears in his eyes

"They don't know me; they don't know how bad I am. If they did they wouldn't want me there." his voice started strong but faded to a whisper.

"What makes you so sure you are bad? Fighting at school because you don't like being touched doesn't make you a bad person just scared."

"I know, "Christian hangs his head. He begins to tremble his breathing becoming erratic. He sits on the floor tears streaming down his face. Then in a very small voice he struggles to get the words out

"_I killed my mommy!"_

Christian curls into a foetal ball his arms wrapped around his body; the shaking has stopped, the tears have stopped, Christian has checked out.

Dr West immediately drops down on her knees besides the boy. She gently strokes his hair. Saying nothing allowing time for him to recover himself. A wave of anger sweeps through her as she remembers the child's history.

This poor boy feels guilty for something he had no control over.

"Christian," she says quietly, gently; "I'm going to put some music on for you to listen to. I'd like you to relax and breathe steadily. Your mom has told me you are fond of this piece of music so want you to listen it doesn't matter if you fall asleep."

She rises quietly and moves to her desk where there is a CD player; she finds the disc and sets it to play. Then returns to the boy who is still curled up on the floor and sits beside him gently stroking his head.

"The Lark Ascending" by Vaughan Williams is amazingly beautiful piece with a calming quality. And Dr West finds herself relaxing her anger dissipating hoping beyond all hope that it helps Christian to recover.

But she has done enough for today; all she needs to do is get Christian to come back to himself enough to get him home to his family where he will feel safe.

Christian relaxes and uncurls and is soon asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**I realise this is not a fun story. But until Christian faces his fears he won't behave like normal kid. So I do intend to bring some fun aspects into his life, pretty soon.**

**Please bear with me this is a very troubled child and his parents are not going to respect his boundaries. They are going to challenge him to overcome his phobias.**

**I look forward to your reviews, comments or suggestions.**

**Characters belong to Ms James,**

**Chapter 5**

"Grace, Carrick, do come in and sit. Would you like coffee, tea?"

"No Thankyou, we're good. I gather you want to speak to us about Christian" Grace says anxiously whilst taking a seat on the nearby couch. Carrick sits beside her and takes her hand gently rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

"I don't know whether to be happy or worried to be honest", Julia West says as she takes her seat near the couch facing them.

She looks at the worried couple with concern on her face.

"I had something of a break through with Christian today. Before you take him home I want to warn you, that his night terrors may increase for a time."

"What happened, surely this is a progressive step?" Grace asks her concern increasing.

"Christian broke down and told me he had killed his mother. Now we know that is not so, but Christian feels he did. As he remembers being alone with her and the treatment they both received at the hands of the pimp; I think he feels that he must because, and I quote "I am bad," he is taking the responsibility for her death on himself."

Both Carrick and Grace gasp in shock. Grace puts her hand to her mouth, tears springing in her eyes. Carrick mouth takes on a grim line, as he puts his arm around Grace's shoulders, pulling her close.

"I wish I knew who the bloody pimp was. I would make him pay for the damage he has done to this child. Christ! He was a baby barely old enough to walk when that bastard…" Carrick is so incensed that he can hardly articulate. His furies making him shake.

"Where is Christian now?" sobs Grace "I want to see him, hold him."

"Christian is sleeping in the consulting room at the moment. He checked out for a while after telling me. It was just too much for him. Don't worry he may be a little shaken, but if I know Christian he will put his blank face on and pretend to you that it never happened. He won't want you to know."

"Why wouldn't he want us to know? We are his parents he knows we care for him" Says Carrick his voice still edgy.

"Well, we have to convince him that you won't turn him away. He feels that if you know how bad he is you will abandon him like his mother.

"He sees his mother's death as abandonment. I'm sure there are other fears running around in his head; such as he couldn't help her, that perhaps he should have helped her. But most importantly, that she didn't love him, because if she had she wouldn't have left him. As a consequence, he feels himself to be unlovable. He possibly thinks that he had deserved to be beaten because he was so bad.

"What we have to remember is that he was only four years old when she died. He would have no understanding of her life style or of her relationship with the pimp."

Grace stands she has her arms folded around her as she starts to pace the room.

Shaking with anger, she turns to Carrick,

"Are you sure there is no information in police records about the pimp or who Christian's father is?"

"You know we haven't Grace, and what difference would it make after all this time?"

"Because, if I knew who either of them was I might have to do physical harm to them. That poor child in there" she points to the door, "is going through living hell because of their actions. No child should have to be subjected to what that boy has been subjected to. Now he is broken and hurting and he can't bear to let anyone get close to him. He's scared to death, and starved for the thing he needs most, someone to love him."

Having vented her rage Grace drops down onto the couch and cries bitterly.

Carrick hold her close and rubs her back. His face too is white with fury.

"So, Julia, how are we going to fix this, what do we have to do?"

"First we have to get him to accept that he had nothing to do with his mothers' death. That is not going to be easy at his age kids tend to see things in black and white; and he sees that him being bad is the reason for her dying. So we have to give him self esteem convince him that he is not bad, it wasn't his fault. Christian is eight years old now and I think that he deserves an honest explanation of how he and his mother came to be in the situation they were in.

" He has been with you for four years now and he trusts you, as much as he can trust anyone, so, I think that if you continue to let him live as normal a life as with your other children, encourage him to mix and join in family activities he will become more at ease. So now when he has his night terrors we need to encourage him to tell us exactly what they are about. We will embark on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT and Trauma Focused or FT. By persuading Christian to talk about his nightmares we can help him rationalise them.

"It's not going to be easy; Christian prefers not to remember them for obvious reasons. But he will only push them further down and in later years, say when he reaches adolescence they may develop into greater behavioural problems as his low self esteem plus sexual awakening may develop into anger as he realises that because of his haphephobia he is possibly not going to be able to have a normal relationship.

"God, Carrick we are going to have our work cut out. " said Grace tensely "We have made some progress with his haphephobia but we can tell he doesn't really want us to touch him; should we respect his boundaries or push him more?"

"You should continue try and push it with him, let him know, tell him you need to touch him because you love him just like Elliot and Mia, try a group hug all of you, don't let him back away. Otherwise it will be there all his life. But keep it to just yourselves you two, Elliot and Mia, until he's ready to let his grandparents aunts and uncles in."

Some weeks later.

"So kids, where shall we go today?" Carrick is sitting at the breakfast table with his three children. Grace has been away in Portland for the past few days attending a medical conference but she will be back tonight. So dad is in charge today, having a fun day with the kids. He knows for certain one place they will ask to go.

No one answers; he looks across the table and sees Elliot and Christian wrestling with each other. This is almost a morning ritual as they try and get each other on to the floor. They are still at their seats but the have each other in head locks trying to push each other off their chairs. Both have gritted teeth, both red in the face with effort. Elliot is the stronger as he is two years older than Christian. But Christian is determined his brother is not going to win. They are grunting with determination. Elliot sees a chance and tries to push with his other hand on Christian's chest.

Carrick holds his breath waiting for the yell of pain from Christian. But Christian completely disregards the contact Elliot has made and manages to twist himself around causing Elliot to loose his balance and his grip nearly falling off the chair.

Christian leaps up and fists the air" Yes! "Then runs around the kitchen punching air" I got him! I got him! I am champion of the world. Yes!"

Carrick feels himself to be filling up with emotion and tries to hide it but he feels so proud a giant leap had been made today.

Then a little voice pipes up "I wan' go IHOP" demands Mia

Carrick pulls himself together as Christian calms down and sits back down at the table giving Elliot a shoulder nudge. "I got you" he boasts.

"Get you next time, "Elliot grins "Yea dad can we go to IHOP?"

"What about you Christian, do you want to go too?" asks Carrick.

"Please, honestly we won't tell mom."

"I'm pretty sure she won't mind when I tell her you beat Elliot at getting him off his chair. Go and get ready you two while I sort Mia out then we will go in the park and play then I'll take you to lunch at IHOP."

Elliot caught up with his dad as he was getting Mia into her coat.

"Dad do you realise Christian didn't get mad at me when I touched him. I sort of forgot; then I was so surprised I stopped trying so he won. Isn't that great?"

"Yes I saw too. But don't push it too hard will you son? Give him chance to adjust and come to terms with it slowly."

"Sure, it was fun seeing him sort of forgetting. I didn't mind loosing at all; but I ain't gonna let him win all the time."

"We wouldn't want you to. We don't want you to pussyfoot around him. If you must touch him, do it in fun, but not if you're mad at him, you know for spite. Are we all ready now?" Carrick calls

Later that evening.

Grace is home and Elliot and Christian are sitting in the lounge, eating pop-corn and watching TV with her and their dad. Mia has been put to bed exhausted after a busy day.

Christian gets up from the floor and squeezes himself between his mom and dad.

"Did dad tell you I wrestled Elliot off his chair this morning?"

"No, you know I don't really like you doing that you'll end up hurting each other if you are not careful." she remonstrates

"Aw mom it's just a bit of fun Christian and me have" says Elliot scowling.

"It's ok mom. But this morning I think Elliot let me win. 'Cos he touched my chest and I didn't have to hit him to get off. I sort of forgot and it didn't hurt a bit" said Christian triumphantly.

He snuggles into his mom and whispered "It's getting better mom, it really is"

"So 'cos Christian didn't hit me dad took us to IHOP, good eh!" boasts Elliot.

Grace shakes her head resigned.

Later when the boys had gone to bed, Grace and Carrick snuggle up together on the couch.

"Was Christian really alright this morning, you know with Elliot touching him?"

"I think he was so determined to get Elliot off his chair he completely forgot. The thing was he hasn't said anything all day about it. There was a time when we were in the car when he went into quiet mode, you know sort of thoughtful. Then when we got to the park we played softball. And they went on the obstacle frame while I gave Mia a swing and a slide. So we didn't talk about it. We were all more relaxed today because Christian joined in more. He and Elliot are going to be very competitive but I think it will be good for both of them"

"I'm so thrilled and Julia will be over the moon. Now if only we could stop the nightmares."

"Julia did say that the more relaxed he becomes in dealing with his problems during the day, his mind may still want to play them out in his subconscious; in his sleep. And till he voices hid dreams out loud and faces the fears he will never be truly free of them. Maybe now we have had this breakthrough today, she may be able to delve a little deeper. He has made so much progress over the past few months, I personally will put up with the nightmares rather than have him regress now that is confidence in himself is growing."

"Yes I suppose you could be right, let's not push too hard"


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning this chapter is a bit traumatic. Some of it comes from the original FSOG, some of it from my imagination based on the books.**

Your reviews are gratefully received. And thanks to those of you who are following.

Chapter 6.

Another year has passed.

_He is sitting on the couch; and I can smell the smoke from his cigarette. I am curled up on the sticky rug at his feet._

"_Hey bitch, "he shouts, "Why is there no fuckin' ashtray in here? Get me one now! "_

_But mommy is lying on the floor too, and doesn't move._

"_Well don't fuckin' bother then I'll just stub it out on this little pile of shit" and he does and I scream and scream. _

_Mommy gets to her knees and tries to pull me away, but he has his foot on me so she can't "Leave him, please leave him." She begs but he just laughs and everything goes dark and I can't feel anymore._

_He's here again; I can see his boots from under the table where I am hiding. He bends down and reaches for me. He grabs my arm and drags me out from under the table. "No good hiding you good for nothing little shit." then he hits me around my head causing my ears to ring. I try not to cry, that only makes him madder. But I can't help it. And because I am crying, he takes off his belt and hits me, and hits me, again and again until everything goes dark and I can't feel it anymore._

_I am so cold and hungry. I try and wake mommy but I can't. She is cold too so I try and cover her with my blankie and snuggle up to her but we can't get warm._

_I get up and wander into the kitchen. I pull a chair up to the sink and manage to turn the faucet on, there is a dirty cup and I fill it with water and take a drink. I climb down from the chair and carefully carry the cup to mommy. I try again to wake her to have a drink then maybe she will get up and get me some food, I am so hungry. But she doesn't move. _

_Back in the kitchen, I have to pull very hard to open the door of the fridge, but there is no food in there._

_I go to sleep beside mommy. And when I wake she still hasn't moved; she is still very cold. And I am so hungry my tummy hurts. I get some more water but it makes me sick._

_I lay down near mommy, and cry and cry but she doesn't wake up._

_Then there is a loud bang as the door opens; I'm scared so scared I pee my pants. He's here again. But he doesn't touch me or mommy he just yells "The stupid bitch what has she done?" then he goes out and locks the door again._

_I think I fall asleep again as the next thing I know, the police woman picks me up off the floor and I start screaming for my mommy and fighting to make her let me go. She doesn't mean to I'm sure but she's hurting me. Then suddenly I have no voice the words won't come out._

Julia West blanches in horror as she listens to the latest of the three recordings that Grace has managed to make over the last year. She has heard stories like them before but they still manage shock her to the core.

It has taken a great deal of patience on Grace and Carrick's behalf to get Christian to talk about his nightmares. And he resisted every step of the way.

He refused point blank to talk to Dr West about them in any way. Having told his mom he didn't see the need to retell them. He would just sit with his arms folded and an impassive look on his face his mouth tight shut and he could keep that up for as long as Dr West continued to talk about them.

#####

Grace remembers vividly the night when Christian told her the first of his dreams. It was the night following the day Carrick had taken them all to IHOP.

It was the early hours of the morning when they heard Christian scream. Carrick had been first out of bed and ran to his son's room. He sat beside the boy and as usual, gently stroked his head. Christian started to relax, but when he opened his eyes and saw Carrick he started to fight him, pushing him away and yelling at the top of his voice to get away. Grace came running in turning up the dimmed light they kept on so Christian wouldn't wake in the dark. She was shaken up to see his violent reaction to Carrick's presence. She thought Christian had got over his wariness of Carrick as after all this time he seemed to have gained trust.

Initially when he first met Carrick, Christian had been afraid; in fact he was afraid of all men. However with the passing of time Christian had learned that Carrick was not going to hurt him.

So why this sudden fear? Grace could only assume that something in the nightmare had triggered this reaction.

She motioned Carrick to leave and she took his place beside Christian who was trembling and sweating in complete panic.

"Ssh it's alright, it's alright." She soothed gently running her fingers through his hair.

A sleepy Elliot came to the door, "Is he ok mom?"

"He will be soon, darling. Do you think you can put some of his music on for him? That sometimes helps."

"Sure mom. Is it alright is I go back to bed, do you need anything else?" he came over to the bedside and looked at his little brother, "You ok kid?" Christian shuddered then wide eyed nodded at Elliot.

After Elliot had put the music on he went back to bed.

"Christian, will you tell me about your dream and then perhaps your dad will understand why you were so afraid of him tonight."

At first Christian shook his head he didn't want to relive that memory again. But as Grace sat with him, talking to him, reassuring him that if he told it out loud it wouldn't be so frightening. As he calmed down he became more settled and he relented. It took him a long time to relate how "The Man" had beaten and burned him. He trembled and sobbed clung onto Grace his head on her lap his arm around her waist holding on so tight. When Grace rubbed his back he stiffened and whispered "Please don't touch me there, it hurts"

#####

Dr West is in her consulting room with Christian; over the past year he has become more confident and freer in his ability to express himself.

He really needs him to talk about his night terrors but the past three appointments he has refused to discuss any aspect of this aspect of his life.

"Christian, I know you don't want to tell me about your dreams; fortunately your mom recorded what you told her."

Christian fidgets in his seat, sitting up straight, folding his arms, looking down at the floor his lips tight closed. Effectively closing him self off from the conversation.

"I want you to listen to me and understand that I know why you won't tell me about these events in your life." she pauses watching for some reaction. A slight shrug of his shoulders is the only response.

"You realise don't you that these dreams are what I term as flashbacks; memories. They are real and not just some boogie man story like little kids imagine; don't you?"

Christian jumps up to his feet glowering at Dr West. And for an instant she feared that Christian was going to attack her; he looked so furious. His gray eyes blazing, his face red, his fists clenched at his sides. He stood for a brief moment then he drags off his tee shirt and tossed it onto the floor.

"OF COURSE IT'S REAL, "he shouts, "I HAVE THE FUCKIN' SCARS TO PROVE IT LOOK!"

He takes a step nearer to her and points to his chest. And she can clearly see the small round scars. He turns around his back to her and again the scars are clearly visible.

Then he walks away from her and picks up his shirt and pulls it back on over his head. He slumps back into his seat, tears streaming down his face his head in his hands.

Dr West watches him quietly allowing him to settle down in his own time. She stands and going to her desk she picks up a box of tissues and sets them down on the table beside his chair. Then fetches a drink from the water cooler in the corner of the room.

Kneeling in front of him she pulls a handful of tissues out of the box and gently pulling his hands down she tenderly wipes his face and eyes.

"Well done Christian. You ok?"

He sniffs loudly then grabs the tissues from her and noisily blows his nose.

"I'm sorry, "he says his voice raw. He drinks the water she has brought for him.

Dr West frowns, not understanding "What for Christian?"

"For saying the F word. Mom will have me for that"

Dr West smiles "No she won't because I'm not going to tell her."

He looks surprised and blinks. "Please don't let Elliot know I was crying. He'll think I am a wimp"

"Don't you worry about that. What ever happens in this room between you and me stays in this room. Unless, of course I think it's something your parents need to know. They need to know how angry you got today, so angry, that you let go of your feelings you didn't push it down inside you. You let it out and that's a good thing. Do you feel a little better now, letting it go?"

Christian nods. He sits still for a while, thinking. Dr West can nearly hear

The thought processes going through his head but she stays quiet allowing him time to come to what ever conclusion occurs to him.

At last he looks at her with so much hurt in his eyes;

"Why did she let him do that to me? She can't have cared for me or she would have stopped him. I couldn't stop him when he hit her. I didn't want him to hit her and I tried and tried but then he would hit me and drag me away. If she had loved me…like my mom and dad do now she wouldn't have let him hurt me would she?" His speech started softly raising getting louder as his anger and pain surfaced. He was back on his feet, body shaking, and his hands tugging at his hair.

Dr West took him by his shoulders intending to hug him. He pulled away pushing her of him," Don't touch me" he whispered through clenched teeth.

"What do you really want to do now Christian?"

"I want to hit someone, or throw something. I don't know! I'm all f…messed up"

"Well I've a punch bag in the closet in the corner. Do you want a go at that?"

He looks at her disbelievingly walks over to the closet, opens it and sure enough there is a punch bag hanging from the ceiling. He peers over his shoulder, his eyes wide.

"Go on; you want to hit something? Knock yourself out"


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to you all who read this and review. **

**So we move forward in time. Remember Elliot is nearly three years older than Christian.**

**Characters belong to E. .**

**Chapter 7**

Elliot and Christian are sitting on the boat dock. It is a warm breezy day and the boys were drying off in the sun after a swim in the soundthat ran at the bottom of the garden.

"I heard you dreaming last night" says Elliot a little frown of concern on his forehead. "I thought they had stopped."

Christian's face went scarlet with embarrassment

"Fuck off Elliot "he retorted vehemently.

"Hey! Little bro' don't get upset. I'm just a bit concerned that's all. ; But if you don't want to talk about it that's ok with me. I just hope for your sake that they're not stating up again. I know that ass hole Cooper was winding you up yesterday and he made you pretty mad. So I hope that you being mad didn't set off your dreams again."

Christian lowered his head onto his arms that were resting on his bent knees and sighed.

"Elliot, "he said cautiously. "Can I ask you something without you laughing at me?"

"Sure" Elliot looked at his brother curiously wondering what was coming.

There is silence as he looked at him. Christian seemed to be having some sort of conflict with himself. He was biting his lip and began running his hand through his hair, a sure sign that he was upset about something, something that was making him blush and squirm; something that he was embarrassed about.

"Go on spit it out what's up? "Prompted Elliot.

Christian took a deep breath as he made his mind up.

"Have you ever had a dream," he paused and swallowed. Elliot watched him closely his dead cocked on one side; he had a funny feeling he knew what was coming.

"Have ever had a dream where your dick gets really hard and all sticky stuff comes out? " he said it in a rush the words tumbling out of his mouth so fast they were hardly legible. Then he buried his head in his hands his face scarlet.

Elliot pursed his lips together in an effort not to laugh. He remembered the first time it had happened to him; he could hardly face his mom the next morning. She was so surprised when she caught him putting his sheets in the washing machine. At first she couldn't understand why her normally gregarious son was blushing.

So he could empathise just how Christian was feeling at this moment.

"Erm, yes as a matter of fact I have had dreams like that"

Christians head came up off his hands a look of obvious relief on his face.

"Really! So, there's nothing wrong with me?"

"Don't be stupid, of course there's nothing wrong with you. It's normal for kids, boys, to have wet dreams. It means you're growing up, getting ready to have sex"

Christian got to his knees and looked at Elliot with a look shear incredulity on his face,

"You're kidding, right?"

"No! You know about sex don't you?"

"Course I do, I do have biology at school and dad talked to me about it. You know how babies are made and stuff."

"I see, he forgot the bit about wet dreams again. He didn't mention that detail to me either. So I was as surprised as you. Come as a bit of a shock doesn't it?" Elliot was grinning from ear to ear.

"Mmm. Have you ever, err, you know, err, been with a girl?"

"No, not yet. Well, um, I've touched one though." now it's Elliot's turn to look sheepish.

Christian is more than interested now. "Wow, who? "

"I'm not telling _you, _it's private."

"Did she touch you?"

"Yes, she made me come as well" said Elliot proudly.

"Really! How did that feel?" Christian's eyes were wide, fascinated.

"Absolutely fucking amazing. I can't wait to do it properly instead of just touching."

"Why haven't you?"

"Because little bro, the law in Washington State says that you are not mature enough to have sex until you're sixteen. So until then you have to be good and keep your dick in your pants."

Christian is thoughtful for a long time and Elliot was beginning to think that was the end of that topic of conversation. He was about to suggest another swim when Christian spoke.

"What happens when you really want to and you get all hard but you can't do it?"

Elliot sighs and he runs his hands through his hair.

"Jesus! I can't believe I'm having this conversation." he states, he pulls himself together "You are allowed to relieve yourself, you know like you did in your dream. You really aught to be talking to dad about this, you know."

"Sorry, it's just easier for me to ask you. You talk dad lectures."

"I know what you mean. Look, don't you talk to your buddies at school?"

"I don't have any buddies at school; you are my best buddy. So if you can tell me…"

Elliot was aware that Christian was very much a loner. Part of the reason being that he still was very apprehensive about anyone other than close family touching him. And he was very bright academically. He was placed in a year above his age and was a straight A student. That pissed a lot of his peers off; the fact that anything he choose to do he excelled in. He was in the rowing team. Did field and track events, kick boxed and was a brilliant pianist. But he wouldn't play any contact sport. He was best, going solo. They thought him arrogant and stand offish; this lead to certain people deliberately going out of their way to make trouble and Christian still had problems keeping his temper. So fights broke out then, of course there were repercussions; so Christian kept himself to himself as much as possible.

So Elliot decided he would educate his little brother as well as he could about sex.

" As you get older, more into your teens, you will find yourself getting more and more attracted to girls; I hope. You'll want to do it with them, you know fuck. In fact, and I know this for sure, that's all you will think about, getting laid. I sometimes see a girl and I immediately get a hard on."

Christian looked quizzically at him, "hard on?"

"Yes that's when your dick gets hard, it stands up and gets bigger. And you get all excited inside your belly. You find your heart rate and your breathing gets faster and you really, really want to. But you can't because, a, your not allowed until you're sixteen. B, the girl in question may not want to and c, you have to wear a condom.."

"A what!"

"A condom, you've seen them, you know you put 'em on your dick so you don't get a girl pregnant; 'cos if you do there will be all hell to pay."

Christian went quiet and thoughtful again. Then he said in a very hushed voice,

"I won't ever be able to do that."

"Why the fuck not? You're a normal healthy red blooded American of course you will be able to have sex when you're older."

"I won't want anyone to get that close to me. I don't like people touching me."

"Well kid you'd better get over your touch phobia other wise you'll spend half your life jerking off in the shower, having wet dreams, and getting very, very frustrated. You'll be a walking hard on and your balls will ache." Elliot said dogmatically.

"Well, " he continued, "all this talk has got me going so I think I'll just have to jump in the lake to cool off before we go and get ready for tonight's "Coping Together" ball. Mom wanted us all smart, spit and polished." he put his hands together and looking up to the sky said, "Please, God don't let mom make me dance with Mrs. Lincoln."

"Amen to that." Said Christian. And they both dived into the lake.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thankyou to those reviewers who keep sending me messages of encouragement.**

**Also to those of you who favourite and follow; I know you're out there reading even if you don't comment and it's a good feeling.**

**A/N I've tried in this chapter to give you some insight into Christian's thoughts and feelings. As you must realise I am not a fifteen year old adolescent youth so this may not sound just right. My own son is long passed that stage in his life so I can't just remember all his issues. But of course he didn't have all the issues Christian has. **

Chapter 8

Christian's POV

I honestly think I'm going mad. I have this gut wrenching rage inside of me, my head is about to burst open and I feel I can hardly breathe. You could say I am angry really angry, but I don't know why or who at.

This feeling comes on me every now and then; it has been there ever since I can remember.

When I was younger, just after I was adopted I would get this feeling and I wanted to shout and scream. It would manifest itself in panic attacks and nightmares; those fucking nightmares. My new mom and dad were very good with me and did there utmost to calm me down and make me feel safe. But they couldn't take away this rage.

My shrink, Dr West helped me understand that the rage was because I felt my birth mother didn't care for me and she died leaving me alone; that I felt abandoned and unloved.

Dr West helped me channel that rage into physical release, by allowing me to relieve my emotion by punching the hell out of a punching bag.

My mom initially began to teach me the piano and I found that I could express most of my inner feelings of grief. She engaged a piano teacher when I was six and from then on I found that there were certain pieces of music that truly reflected my moods.

So for a while I felt so much better and I could just learn to have a normal life like my brother and sister.

The nightmares more or less stopped occurring now and then if I was upset or tired.

However, I have never quite got used to people touching me; I can cope with mom, dad and Elliot hugging me around the shoulders. But I can't let them touch my chest and back. Mia grabs me around my waist and hugs me and that doesn't bother me at all. It's because she was just a baby when she was adopted and as I had lived with the Greys for two years and I trusted them; I knew she didn't pose any threat to me.

But just lately, since my body started changing, I have felt like a volcano about to erupt. My voice has changed, I'm growing hair all over, my dad is helping me to shave, making sure I don't accidentally cut my throat. Elliot showed me at first, but he kept making me laugh and I would end up with half a roll of toilet paper stuck to my face. Which only made Elliot razz me all day and we end up pushing and shoving and taking punches at each other. So dad took over.

But the biggest change of all is that my dick seems to have a mind of its own. I wake up with such a hard on I can hardly move, it's a good job I have my own en suite shower because I spend so much time in there jerking off I would have the rest of the family screaming at me every morning.

I have dreams, wet dreams most nights and have to dive out of bed to the bathroom. I think mom knows 'cos there always a box of tissues beside my bed now. Elliot said that she used to leave some in his room too.

Fortunately, I don't yell out in my sleep anymore it would be mortifying to have mom or dad come into my room to make sure I am alright.

Of course I know partly why I am so angry, apart from being a walking hard on; is that I can't satisfy that need, no way am I going to be able to get close to a girl. And, oh boy! Some of the girls at school really turn me on.

There is one Susie Metcalf, and I think she is just perfect, she has a gorgeous figure, hazel eyes, lovely mouth and very long, shiny brunette hair. And when she walks wow! That ass! She is the one I dream about at night.

She sits just across from me in English and history classes. Twice last week, Mr. Wragg has had to bellow at me because I have been daydreaming about her and not paying attention.

But best of all, she's into track events like me so I get to watch her.

We are due to break up for summer break soon, and the other day I got up my nerve to ask her if she would run with me to keep in training, and to my delight she said yes. So who knows what might happen, but I don't know if I can get that close to make out with her; frankly I'm scared to death.

It's not that I can confide in Elliot these days as he has gone to college. I find it difficult talking to my dad and I just couldn't discuss this with my mom.

My dad, tries to have "man to man" talks with me but I feel so embarrassed and uncomfortable talking about this stuff. Oh he's given me the safe sex talk, you know; keep it in your pants until you've turned sixteen, wear a condom. Respect the girl _No _doesn't always mean _Yes. _And that was bad enough, so to ask his advice on where to begin is out of the question for me.

I have a new shrink now, a Dr Ryan; and I think he's an arsehole; all he wants me to do is talk about my past._ I've done that for crying out loud. _

I tried to tell him about my fears of being touched and all he did was to rake up the fact that it was because I was abused as a child,_ I know that._ The thing was he can't offer me any advice on how to overcome it.

So in the absence of Elliot I'm just going to have to play it by ear. But first, perhaps, my mom can help.

######

Dad has had to go and see a client, and Mia is off on a dancing lesson with her friend and her mom.

It's Saturday morning and I have just had my piano lesson with Miss Cathy. She is hoping to get me to play a Bach piece at a school concert at the end of term, but I don't think I can get it right in time.

I've so much to do to get ready for senior high in the fall. I'm a year ahead of most of the kids of my age and mom and dad are hoping I can go to senior high this year instead of next. Then there's the inter school rowing championships and the kick boxing championships to train for. I like to go for a run in the morning just to loosen me up. And my head or rather my dick is in another place entirely.

"You played well this morning, son." mom is in the kitchen, making lunch; but I go and raid the cookie jar, I'm hungry.

"Thanks, but I don't think I can get the piece down well enough for the concert."

"Why it sounds good to me and Miss Cathy is very happy with you."

"I don't know I just don't seem to have the "feel" of it yet" I say as I get another cookie, mom slaps my hand "No more lunch will be ready soon."

I pull a face at her and she squeezes me around my shoulders, pulling me to her in a hug. I close my eyes trying not to tense up.

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Of course darling, anything."

I play with a fork she has just put on the table ready for our lunch, and cite myself up; biting my lip.

"Mom, if I wanted to… you know, make out with a girl from school… how would I tell her not to touch my chest and back. Do you think she would think I was weird and not want to see me?"

"Christian why worry about that now, you are too young to be thinking about girls." she says sitting down at the table with me.

_I wish my dick thought that._

"I know you think that mom, but there this girl at school and I think she's really nice and she has agreed to go running with me so I think that she likes me. So what if she wants to, you know, make out? What do I do?"

I'm bright red now my face is burning I can feel it.

"Christian, there is absolutely no reason why this girl shouldn't like you. You say she has agreed to train with you so she sees that as something she has in common with you; something she wants to share with you. Most friendships begin because two people have a common interest. Why not see how that works out, see how you get on. And if you want to spend time doing other things in each others company, try inviting her to go for a drink with you after training. Just talking to each other, getting to know what her hobbies are, what music, movies, books she likes. They are the first steps you take. Then you see what develops. I understand that part of your worry is because you don't know how you will react if she touches you. So start slowly, you touch her first, you know, hold her hand when you walk with her, perhaps you can put your hand on her back, and I mean her back above her waist, as you go through a door. You get an idea of how close you want to be as you get more comfortable in her company. And she will like you all the more, because you are not forcing yourself on her; young girls like good manners. There is no rush you aren't even fifteen yet, even if there are certain parts of your body are telling you otherwise. And further more, there's no need for you to follow in Elliot's footsteps, you have other issues to deal with and one of those, is your haphephobia."

"But, won't she think I'm a dork, if she wants to and I don't go there?"

"Well she'll probably just think you are shy. She probably realises that you don't make friends easily do you?"

I shake my head she's right I don't make friends. I don't like to get too close to people, but this is different.

"Is she the same age as you, younger, older?"

"She's fifteen a bit older than me. Does that matter, mom?"

"The thing about girls is they tend to mature quicker than boys at this part of your life. Look son, some girls will tease and flirt just for fun. Just get to know her, before anything else, you are both so young."

So I consider my moms' advice and for the next few weeks when we are training, Susie and I get on really well and we start going to the mall after to get a coke and a sandwich. I find I can talk to her about allsorts of stuff.

Until one Monday morning, just as I arrive at school, she comes running up to me and throws her arms around my neck and kisses me, pain like an electric shock sears through me and I panic and push her away with such force she nearly falls over. She looks at me in total surprise, nearly in tears and I am rigid with fear, panting.

"I'm sorry." I manage to gasp. Taking hold of her arm to steady her.

She snatches her arm out of my grasp and sneers at me,

"I wondered if you were gay, and now I know for sure!" she turns on her heel and flounces away from me. Leaving me standing mortified with half the school looking on.

Of course it didn't stop there did it, before long I was getting jibes from all the other guys and some of the girls. Whispers about gay Grey spread around and the guys kept having a go at me in the gym, the locker room and in the corridors. The rowing team threw me out; they didn't want a "queer" around. I wasn't so bothered, about that as the coach let me try solo and I was just as good on my own.

Inevitably, fights broke out; but I could hold my own there as well. Sometimes it was good to fight as at least there was physical contact with another human being and the pain was cathartic relieving some of the tension I felt inside.

Things sort of came to a head when I kicked out during one fight and broke another kids nose. The principle, Mr. Davis, called my parents into school, and suspended me. The other kids dad sued my dad; an unprovoked attack, pain and suffering, hospital bills, etc, etc. blar, blar fine, nobody asked me why I had hit him, but the certainly listened to his "I did nothing, Grey just kicked out for no reason"

And of course all the other kids around backed him up. So that was me out until the next semester. Ask me if I gave a fuck!

My dad on the other hand went bat shit crazy and grounded me for the summer took my CD player off me and restricted my computer use to school related access only.

I was allowed to go for a run morning and evening and keep up with my piano practice. Kick boxing training, of course was out. But I secretly practiced in the boat house.

He stopped my allowance so I had no money. That was annoying!

I was finding it difficult to sleep, it wasn't just the permanent hard on I had, the shower room and I kept good company.

It was the rage that was burning inside me. The fact that Susie had done just what I wanted, kiss me, and I couldn't reciprocate. I panicked pushed her away, she must have felt as though I had slapped her, rejected her. I really wanted to explain but I was too embarrassed to do so. So she responded the only way she knew how by lashing out an insult. I'd insulted her, so, tit for tat.

One night it was so bad I snook out for a run. Just to work off the tension and to make myself tired so I could sleep. When I got back, sneaking back in the house through the kitchen, through the lounge I spotted the drinks tray on the side table. Making sure the house was quiet I took a swig out of dad's bourbon. Jeesh! That burned the way down but after the initial shock I had another swig. Then I felt sort of woozy so I staggered up to bed and slept like a log.

When I woke next morning I thought I had found just the right antidote to my sleeping problem a swig of dad's booze. I did realise however, that dad or mom would notice; so I took to topping up the bottle with water. I also considered the fact that he would catch on to how weak it was getting.

So, one evening I ran to a liquor store where I had heard they didn't worry too much about ID. I hadn't shaved for a day or two, and I had gotten quite tall by this time nearly six feet, so questions asked they sold me a bottle of vodka. I figured that the folks wouldn't be able to smell that on my breath. But it got to be a bit of a problem when dad stopped my allowance.

######

Later that summer just after my fifteenth birthday, dad told me I could work off some of the debt by helping mom's friend, Mrs. Lincoln clear her back yard of rubble left by the builders after finishing an extension.

I wasn't too happy about that but at least it would tire me out so perhaps I could do without the drink to help me sleep.

Mrs. Lincoln was a bit younger than my mom and I suppose an attractive woman. Did I say attractive! Man she was stacked!

But she freaked me out, she was always there watching me and each time I went, she seemed to be wearing less and less clothes.

One day it was particularly hot and I was really sticky I stopped working; I took off my tee shirt and sat under the shade of a tree. I was just dozing with my head against the trunk of the tree so didn't hear Mrs. Lincoln approach me.

Suddenly I felt something touch my dick and I leaped up as though I had been scalded, it was her she was touching me up!

I slapped her hand away, and stared at her,

"Don't touch me!"

She sort of smiled at me and said sort of sexily "Oh Christian, don't worry, I can relieve that ache for you and it will feel so nice"

I gaped at her, I was shocked this woman is old enough to be my mother what the fuck did she think she was doing?

I put my tee shirt back on, picked up my backpack that had, had my lunch and water bottle in. glared at her.

"I don't think so, Mrs. Lincoln, I'm not into old women. So you can just go screw yourself"

And I ran all the way home.

I was furious, fortunately Elliot was in the house and no one else was home. So I told him what had happened as he wanted to know what I was so flared up about.

"That old bitch!" he spat out, "She didn't get me so she thought she'd have a go at you, I'll fucking kill her."

"I'll come and help you, how dare she put her hands on me!"

Just at that time dad walked and wanted to know what we were both shouting about. I didn't want to say but Elliot ever my protector told him. I don't think he believed us at first until Elliot asked

"Why would we make it up dad? She's been coming here for years and ogling us both. She doesn't give Mia half the same attention does she? She hardly speaks to her. But she's always been touchy feely around Christian and me. Last "Coping Together" ball I had to dance with her and her hands were all over the place until I just left her on the dance floor. Mom ripped me off telling me I had been rude and to apologise but I didn't. And I didn't tell mom why 'cos I didn't want to upset her. I just stayed out of her way.

"I'm going to look into this boys. I'll put a detective on her to get proof, and then it will be the police. And don't worry, I, will tell your mother."


	9. Chapter 9

**Thankyou all once again for your comments especially the guest who corrected my spelling making Christian 50 instead of 15, whoops, I do use spell check you know so it must have been a subconscious slip thinking of 50 shades. **

**All characters belong to E.L. James.**

Chapter 9.

My son has always had problems coping with his demons; it has been traumatic for all of us not just Christian.

Elliot has learned to sleep through Christian's nightmares, except for the occasions, when he was first adopted then he would, wake him then lay on the bed beside Christian, not touching, just being there. I feel that is when the bond was formed between them. So now they are truly buddies and share their teenage secrets, but most of all look out for one another.

Unfortunately, Christian has never given me that level of trust. Which is understandable considering what he had been through at the hands of his mother's pimp? He remained very wary of any adult male until he was in his teens and strong enough to defend himself.

We have a fairly close relationship in as much we can enjoy family and father and son time but I always sense there is an emotional barrier between us.

As a small child, and as he settled down to living with us knowing that we were not going to send him away, we were going to keep him safe, we were going to feed him clothe him and love him. He became like any other kid. He learned from Elliot, not always a good thing, how to have fun. He was totally fearless when it came to climbing trees, or diving into the lake. Learning to ski he scared Grace and I half to death, he made Elliot so mad, because he was better at it than him, catching air after only two days of learning. He played baseball and basketball, little league and was in the rowing team at school; but not football too much physical contact for him to tolerate. Physical pain didn't bother him, the bumps, bruises cuts and scraps, he could cope with that; it was his emotional scars that caused his nightmares.

His nightmares did lessen especially after he got his voice back and he could express himself more readily. Mia in a way was his salvation, he adored her and watch out anyone who he thought was hurting her. I dread her growing up and wanting a boy friend. All young men like to have their girlfriends' fathers' approval but I wouldn't give any boy a chance against Christian, _and, _Elliot looking out for their sister. The poor girl hardly stands a chance of getting married.

When Elliot and Christian, came to me to tell me about Elena Lincoln it was a great leap of faith for Christian. He wasn't sure that I would believe him but with Elliot backing him up with a similar story of his own I had no choice but to investigate the allegations. As far as possible I wanted to keep my boys out of it; the last thing Christian wanted, in my eyes, was for him to have to testify in court. So I didn't report the incidence to the police. Preferring to find more evidence to back up the boys' story of this woman's per chant for under aged kids.

In the meantime whilst I had a PI looking into her background, Christian became more and more withdrawn and I couldn't understand why. I thought that sharing such an experience as being molested would have brought us closer; but after that first revelation he would talk about no more.

Elliot on the other hand seemed relieved to have brought the incident into the open.

#######

Christian pov.

When Elliot and I went to dad and told him about Elena Lincoln, I knew he was sceptical, I felt he didn't believe what we were saying. If he had believed why didn't he call the police to take statements and let them investigate? Inside I thought that probably I wasn't important enough to him, for him to make a fuss on my behalf.

Elliot had been over sixteen when she had made her move so he was what is considered a consenting adult. I on the other hand was just fifteen and considered a minor.

If he had explained his motives for not calling the police or confided in me that he was going to investigate Mrs. Lincoln privately using a PI who worked at his law firm: things may have turned out differently. But he told us not to worry that he would sort it out and left it at that.

Mom suggested that I talk to my current shrink about the incident. I don't think that she could bring herself to talk to me, seeing as how Mrs. Lincoln was a friend of hers.

I did notice that mom was giving her the cold shoulder and she wasn't invited to our house anymore; I don't know if she ever confronted Mrs. Lincoln about mine and Elliot's molestation allegations.

But the thing was, when I was by myself in my room I really thought about the feelings I had when she touched me; totally different from the hand job I gave myself; and I wanted more.

A few days later, I bumped into Susie at the mall. I said "Hi" and to my surprise, she said hello back.

I asked her if I could buy her a coke or something and she agreed. We went into a café where we found seats in a little corner at the back.

I was as nervous as hell hands sweating, gut churning the whole thing but I wanted to tell her what had happened.

"Susie, I'm sorry I pushed you down that day when you threw your arms around me. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings"

"It's quite alright Christian, I don't care if you are gay, it doesn't matter to Me." she sounded really off hand.

"But, Susie, I'm not gay; I just have problems with people touching me." I know I sounded desperate, trying to make her understand.

"What do you mean you have problems, have you some sort of disease?"

"NO," I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair, _can I tell her without her thinking I'm a nut job?_

"When I was a kid, before I was adopted,"_ jees this hard._ "There was this guy, who used me for and ash tray, he put his cigarettes out on my back and chest. And ever since then, when anyone touches me I feel as though I'm being burned all over again."

She just sat there and stared at me as if I was some sort of freak. Her eyes wide her mouth opens, speechless.

"Say something,"

"Oh Christian, tell me this is a joke and you are just making excuses 'cos you don't like me." she sounds hurt and very upset.

"Hey, it's nothing to do with how I feel about you, I think you are…."I search for a word that doesn't sound sappy." lovely" _yuck is that the best you can do Grey. Or do you have to talk to Elliot?_

"If I needed an excuse not to be with you, the one in your head would have been enough and I wouldn't have stopped to talk to you today. I'm not lying, everything I told you is true, I'll show you the scars if you want." and I make to take my tee shirt off.

"Not here you blithering idiot, you'll get us thrown out." she grins then looks really sad, " I'm so sorry, I didn't know about…well, you know, when you were small. Doesn't anyone touch you ever?" her voice falters.

I sort of feel relieved telling someone outside my family and shrink wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

"It's hard on my mom and dad if they want to hug me. At first when they adopted me I couldn't bear for them to touch me at all. And I used to fight Elliot if he did. But over the years, I have learned to tolerate it if they just put their arm around my shoulders. So when you threw your arms around me that day, I panicked 'cos it felt like an electric shock going through me. I felt ashamed for being such a wimp. So I let you go on believing I was gay. Go on you can laugh at me if you want. "

I see has this little smile playing around her mouth and everything south of my belt twitches.

"I'm not laughing at you Christian, I'm thinking of how much fun we are going to have at school next fall when I tell everyone how I managed to convert you."

Now things are really getting serious in my pants and my palms are sweating again.

Praying inwardly, to the "_love doctor"_ as Elliot calls himself these days.

"So, do yer wanna try and make out with me?" Oh crap, my face is burning and I know I've turned crimson, _cool Christian cool_.

"Why not? I'm sure there are some places on your body you don't mind being touched" she says her eyes twinkling and a very cheeky smile; then she blushes too but I'm sure she looks prettier than me. I have to shift in my seat to ease things up a bit.

I stand up and taking her hand, "let's go for a walk and talk about it"

"Ok." and she has a big grin on her face.

We walk to the park hand in hand. And I feel about ten feet tall and sort of proud of myself for the first time in my life; I have talked to someone about my phobia without going to melt down; perhaps there's hope for me yet.

We find a secluded spot in a small gazebo. I don't know how Susie is feeling, but my head is spinning.

"So, if I put my hands on your face, are you going to freak out?" her eyes are bright, her lips parted her voice husky. My dick on full alert. _Down boy, lets take this one step at a time, just a little kiss first._

I swallow, "Lets see, I shouldn't think so, can I hold your face too?"

Susie nods then very gently she puts her hands on my face, and I follow suit. Then her lips are on mine and we share a sweet, sweet kiss. And then another and I put my hand around her waist pulling her closer to me. She moves her hands up my face and into my hair. _Halleluiah!_

"Christian Grey, that has got to be the corniest chat up line ever" she laughs pulling away from me. _Don't let go._

"W, What do you mean?" I look at her gasping for breath.

"You and your touch thingy, smooth" and she is scowling at me. She doesn't believe me!

Now I'm angry. I whip my shirt off, "Do you think I'm lying? See for yourself!" and I'm shouting at her.

Her face blanches when she sees the scars and tears well up in her eyes.

"Oh I'm so sorry, really I am." and she stares at my chest. I put my shirt back on feeling like shit.

She looks really embarrassed now she blushes again and gently puts her hand back on my face. "It's just that you do it so well I felt that it must be a line you used."

I grin at her "I do what so well Susie?" I'm teasing now my libido going through the roof.

"Kiss" she whispers still blushing_. Oh yea how to boast a guys ego 101. My mom was right girls do mature quicker cos I'm putty in her hands right now._

We spend a while, don't ask me how long 'cos we could have been anything from second to a day, kissing each other exploring with our tongues and hands. Susie never attempted to touch my back or chest but her fingers knotted my hair and her hand wandered down to my thigh. She let my hands wander over her breasts. Then she called time and in a way I'm glad she did as things were heating up far too fast.

We pulled away from each other panting for breath.

"I think we need to go now Christian."

""Yea we'd better. Before we go too far… Oh Shit! I really have to got to go."

I've just remembered _I'm grounded!_

"What's wrong?" Susie asks concerned.

"With you nothing, nothing at all. It's just that…I'm not even supposed to be in town, my dad is going to hit the roof," Susie raises her eyebrows, "I'm grounded!"

Then we both crack up laughing hysterically.

Once we quiet down and pull ourselves together we walk back into town.

"Thankyou for today Susie it was fun. And a relief."

"A relief?" she asks sharply

"Yes, and this is not part of a chat up line, I really didn't believe I could get to actually be so close to anyone let alone a girl as pretty as you. You have boosted my morale no end. Thank you so much" and I kiss her on her nose.

She returns the kiss on my mouth, "It was a pleasure, and now that I've converted you to heterosexual, from homosexual, can we make out again?"

And we laugh again, god she makes me feel so good.

"CHRISTIAN GREY, GET YOURSELF IN THIS CAR NOW!"

Oh fuck it's my dad!


	10. Chapter 10

**As ever I am grateful for your reviews and for the support from the followers**

**Characters belong to E. .**

Chapter 10.

Yea! That's all I need now my dad showing up and yelling at me like a five years old from way across the street. My glorious afternoon of discovery disappearing like dust in the wind.

I grit my teeth and close my eyes, trying to calm my growing temper. Susie has a smile playing round her mouth barely suppressing a full blown laugh. She leans in and giggles in my ear,"Parents, can't live with 'em can't shop without 'em." That cracks me up. She gives me a little push, "See you later, text me."

"Can't, no cell, confiscated."

"God what did you do to piss 'em off."

"Christian! Now!"

_Yea, yea, _"Coming! I'd best go, before he has a coronary. I'll text when I get my phone back, no wait, I'll borrow Elliot's. See you" and with a feeling of sudden loss I scoot over the road to dads car. _Ok, think of Susie, and block out the noise._

"What the hell are you doing here, you're grounded as in stay at home!" _here we go._

"Mom sent me to get, some bread rolls, then, well I met Susie…"

To my surprise he bursts out laughing, "And where are the bread rolls?"

I flush up and cringe rolling my eyes, leaning my head back into the car seat.

"Say no more, we'll stop off and get some." he pulls into the kerb. Turns and _winks!_

"_She's_ very pretty," he says "I can see the distraction."

I scramble out and go to the bakers with a face like the raising sun.

######

A couple of days later, I'm sitting with my shrink and for once I'm not pissing him off; but if he asks me one more time how I feel about my "progress" with my Haphephobia, I will loose it.

"Well, Christian, do you think you will be able to let Susie touch you in other places?" _what a stupid fucking question_ _another two inches up my thigh…_

"It just depends, I think, on where I want her to touch me, above my belt my be difficult, below could result in my getting my face slapped." I try, really try but the expression on his face just wants me to smirk at him. My dad would have called me out for being a smart mouth, but really.

He glowers at me; I give him my blank look.

"Really Christian, let's not be crude."

"Well it does!" I exclaim then sigh, "I am still scared of anyone I don't know well touching my chest and back, but if I get more comfortable with Susie who knows? But I certainly didn't mind her hand on my leg, so I guess I'm just a normal guy underneath all the fuckedupness."

He studiously writes his notes.

"Dr. Ryan, can I ask you something?" he looks at me eyebrows raised, I don't think I have ever asked him a direct question before.

"Of course, anything,"

"Why do you think my dad didn't go to the police when Elliot and I told him about Mrs. Lincoln?"

"Why do you think?"

I jumped up to my feet, "Why the hell do you shrinks always have to answer a question with another question. Can't you just answer instead of trying to analyse why I'm asking it in the first place." _God these fucking people! _"Look I just want your opinion. You know person to person that's if you _can_ be direct" he really has me pissed off; if he asks another question I'm out of here.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. Please sit down and we will talk about it."

I grudgingly take my seat resting my ankle on my knee and folding my arms, you know typical sulky teen.

"I think your father is trying to protect you. By keeping your name out of any police investigation it means you won't have to testify in any court proceedings."

I raise my eyebrows questioningly.

"If you were made to testify, you can nearly guarantee, the defence would rake up your early childhood, your present issues and your accusation could be interpreted as the imaginings of a disturbed youth. Is that direct enough for you?"

I take my time in answering; I hadn't really thought about the situation in those terms before. So now I'm pissed off at dad for not being honest with me. Boy talk about angry, sulky, hormonal teen, that is me personified.

"Thank you Dr. I understand better now. I thought he was ignoring the matter that he didn't care."

"Of course he cares, why would you think other wise?"

That does it that's me out of here. "Because I'm a fucked up son of a bitch! No one should care about me." and I walk out slamming the door behind me.

#####

Carrick, pov.

All through dinner that evening I was aware of the icy glances Christian was giving me and his body language was pure rage. He was polite but cold towards his mom and Mia, he ignored Elliot's jibes about his love life; not even rising to tell him to fuck off, which was his usual response to Elliot.

He excused himself as soon as he had finished eating and left the dining room. I found him in my study sitting in my chair hostility emanating from him.

There was an opened file on the desk.

"Why do you think I would not be interested in this; that it has nothing to do with me Where you ever going to trust me enough to tell me what you were doing? Why do you let me think you don't care what happens to me? You are always ready to have a go at me, ground me for defending myself"

He has stood and has begun to pace around the room, never taking his cold gray eyes off me pulling at his hair. He is not shouting his voice is low and very menacing. I have never seen him express his anger like this; so I let him rant, accuse, choose to not realise just how much I cared about him: because I know deep down he feels no one does care and that like his birth mother we are going to abandon him.

"I have to defend myself because no one else does. You won't even stop and listen to my side of the story when ever anything happens at school, oh no it's got to be Christian's fault he can't hold his temper. Do you take the time to explain to the principle why I can't bear being touched? No you prefer for people to ostracise me insult me. Oh it's not the bullying I can't stand; it's the facts, which like the Mrs. Lincoln incident. YOU CHOOSE NOT TO TAKE MY SIDE!" and with that he walked out of the study slamming the door behind him.

The sudden silence in the room echoes. The stream of Christian's angst bouncing off the walls.

I slump into my chair and take a deep breath, closing my eyes as his words crashing through my mind. I feel a hand on my shoulder, Grace has joined me.

"Well I think he got that out of his system," she sounds angry too, will someone give me a break.

"I told you Carrick to keep the boys informed of what you were doing, but no, is it beneath you to accept that they are growing up and like they are expected to do, explain your actions?" she pauses waiting for an answer. I haven't one.

"He feels as though you have betrayed him Cary, and he has had enough betrayal in his life. I think we both need to sit down with him, and Elliot and explain what we intend to do about the bitch, so called friend Elena."

Grace is the voice of reason, she is right. It is my failure to communicate especially with Christian that is deepening the void between us. Elliot was/is a happy-go-lucky kid no hang ups or phobias where he is concerned. Normal teenage priapic, only one thing on his mind young man. Elliot, he knows our love for him is unconditional, Christian doesn't. He has issues of not understanding why we care, of feeling unworthy of love. He really does need to know we are on his side. It is no good grounding him, or what ever for his behaviour at school if we don't show him support by explaining to the school principle just what Christian's issues are. And yes I see it now; if he doesn't see how we are trying to protect him by not informing the police of Elena Lincoln's molestation. He will see me as uncaring.

"Where is Christian now?"

"He has gone out for a run with Elliot." I glower at Grace. She scowls straight back.

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice Carrick Grey, you created this mess. A run will help calm him down and you know it. And, I think you should reconsider your actions of grounding him and let it go. If you hadn't grounded him and insisted he worked for that woman we possibly wouldn't be where we are now."

"Ah yes Grace, but we wouldn't be watching her trying to pick up young boys and corrupting them and another paedophile would be free, but not for much longer. I promise you, she'll slip before too long, you wait and see. Now let's go in the lounge and wait for the boys to come back, them we'll talk."

As things stand, my PI has found some evidence of her involvement with young men, but not enough to bring about a paedophile charge yet but she has been seen stalking around the Mall in the evening. Just where the kids hang out.

When Elliot and Christian get back from their run they both disappear to their rooms to shower.

I give them twenty minutes then go up to Christian's room calling for Elliot on the way passed.

Knocking on Christian's door and opening it gently, "May I come in?"

Christian glares at me, and then he sees Elliot and nods.

Christian's room in contrast to Elliot's is neat and tidy, there is actually space on the floor to walk, the bed is made and the chairs are free to be sat on. On the desk under the window Christian's school work is neatly in order. His PC screen saver is a helicopter flying around the screen.

Elliot's room is a disaster area

I sit on the bed Elliot chooses to sit cross legged on the floor and Christian stands and frowns leaning against the wall ankles and arms crossed, defiantly.

"I've come to explain what I'm doing as regard your allegations against Mrs. Lincoln. I've asked Elliot to listen in because, as I should have explained to you both, I am not letting the matter go. I believe you, but I'm not going to the police until I have stronger evidence against her."

Elliot looks at Christian and I suspect that they have discussed this whilst they have been running.

"Well, "says Elliot, sarcastically "thanks for sharing that with us. It would have been nice to know that from the onset; rather than waiting for Christian to go ballistic thinking you didn't give a rat's ass."

I really want to pull Elliot into line, but I have to concede that he has a point and that he, like Christian, is upset with me.

"So," says Christian, his voice cold, "What are you doing, can you share that with us? Or are you assuming that it's my own fault?"

Now I know he's trying to wind me up and it's working his whole hostile attitude is getting to me. But I take a deep breath, for god sake I can eat prosecution lawyers

for lunch.

"No I don't think it's your fault at all, no more than it was Elliot's. The woman is a predator stalking and abusing young kids. Even younger than you Christian. The reason why I'm looking into this with the investigation team at the firm is because I don't want you to have to testify, either of you."

"And why not?" demands Elliot

Christian pushes him self up off the wall and joins Elliot on the floor.

"Because, I'm fifty shades of fucked up. And the defence would have a field day tearing my testimony to bits on the grounds that given my background, my "issues" the whole thing was just a figment of my disturbed mind" He states "Right dad?"

I'm speechless I can only nod in agreement.

We are quiet for a few minutes. Both of them looking at me accusingly waiting for some sort of confirmation.

"Yes that's the reason." I say softly.


	11. Chapter 11

**As ever thanks for reviewing and following.**

**Characters belong to E. **

Chapter 11

"Good morning Carrick." Jim Bentley strides into my office looking particularly smug. He unfastens his suit jacket and sits down in the chair in front of my desk. He slides a manila folder across the desk.

"We've got the bitch" he says and the joy in his statement is very evident.

It's been nearly three months since Christian and Elliot came and told me about Elena Lincoln's inappropriate contacts with both of them. Fortunately they were both strong enough to tell her where to go.

Since then, Jim has kept a close eye on her, a very close eye.

"What have you found?" I ask eagerly.

"She has been stalking Christian ever since she came on to him. I've got photographic evidence. When I first saw her she was watching the rowing team at training. I thought coincidence she's maybe just interested in the schools rowing team. But she didn't leave when they packed up; she stayed and watched Christian who was there getting some solo coaching. When he left she followed him, at a distance in her car as he ran home. I was waiting for her to attract his attention and maybe offer him a lift, you know as a friend of the family: She didn't, just hung back."

Jim pulled a photo out of the file on it Christian can be clearly seen in his boat, hands on the oars looking up at the coach. Elena is in the foreground watching with an intense expression.

Then the next shot is of Christian running along the path beside the lake, I can see he has his walkman earplugs in. I can also see Elena Lincoln's car just behind him on the road her licence plate clearly visible.

"This is good Jim but not enough."

"Ah, ye of little faith. I was intrigued now that she had followed him so I tailed her every where after that and there are a number of places she has been just happen to be where your son is. Too many places for it to be just a coincidence. Look at these."

He pushes a series of photos one at a time in front of me.

Christian at the mall, talking to a girl. He looks awkward, embarrassed.

Christian and the girl going into a coffee shop.

Christian and the girl coming out of the coffee shop holding hands silly grin on his face.

In all of these Elena is clearly seem standing and watching nearby.

The next shots are of them in the park sitting/kissing in the gazebo. Elena standing a little way off looking furious.

The next one is of him getting into the car with me and again she is there just behind us standing on the kerb.

"Carrick I don't know how but she seems to know just where he'll be at any given time. I don't know how she knew, for instance, that Elliot and he would be out running together, in the late evening two- three weeks ago. She left her house and I followed her and she parked outside your house just as the boys came out and on to the trail by the water. She waited for them to come back; sat and watched the house for a while then drove home. Do the boys go out every evening around that time?"

"No, it was a one off. I remember because Christian had gone ballistic, about not telling him I was investigating his claim myself rather going to the police. He was furious. Elliot must have decided to go with him because he knew what sort of a mood he was in. Elliot knows that when he gets wound up like that Christian is likely to hit out at any one who crosses him; he went with him to keep him out of trouble. We had just had dinner and there was no set plan for them to go out running. So how the blazes does she know where Christian will be. It's summer break he's not doing anything on a regular basis. He shouldn't have even been at the mall as I'd grounded him. Pure chance that Grace sent him out for bread rolls and he met the girl there and spent the rest of that afternoon with her" I say as I push the photos back at Jim.

Then a very cold feeling took over me and with a sudden sharp intake of breath I knew without a shadow of doubt…Christian had been in contact with this woman!

I lent back in my chair the sudden realisation shaking me to the very core.

"What!" asked Jim startled.

"I think Christian has been seeing her."

"How you do you work that out? Seems very unlikely to me."

"Oh come on Jim, he gets sent on an errand and she's there at the mall. But they get side tracked because he meets a friend. But she follows him anyway just in case Susie dumps him. He is furious with me, decides to go and run his temper off. She's outside the door, but Elliot goes with him foiled again. Hangs around, just in case. It just seems to be more than a little coincidental to me."

"How, does he have a mobile?"

"I confiscated it. It should be in my safe at home."

I'm sure it's still there. The cold grip in my stomach is intensifying. I feel so certain that he is making contact with her; but how? The house phone? Surely not, he wouldn't want to risk being over heard.

Elliot! Is he borrowing Elliot's phone? Why's how's and where for's are running about in my head I feel sick with fear. If that woman has got her hands on him….if he's doing this to spite me…

"Jim, I want you to follow my son, put one of your team on him. I'll let you have a list of his activities, you know; rowing, piano, kick boxing that sort of thing. See if that woman happens to turn up in the vicinity. He's grounded at the moment and they are the only places he should be going. In the meantime I'm going to talk to Elliot may be he can make Christian see sense."

#####

Elliot pov.

I'm sitting here in dad's study with my mouth open in disbelief and I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop.

I finally get the power of speech back, "You want _me _to talk to Christian? Surely that's your job."

"It's for that very reason I'm asking you. He is not in the mood to listen to me regarding Elena Lincoln. Because he still feels as I have betrayed him by not telling him how I am dealing with this whole business."

"Actually dad, he's more than a bit pissed off with you. You treat him like a little kid and he's naïve yes, but not entirely innocent about the world around him. And what makes you think he'll take any notice of me?"

"I don't expect him to take notice, but I do think he may tell you what he's been up to with that woman"

"What makes you think he's even been with her? He gave her the brush of remember?"

"Yes, but I think he went to her out of some crazy to get at me. You know Christian."

"I know Christian as much as he wants me to know, just like with you and mom; he only ever lets us in so far."

"But you will try and find out for me and if necessary warn him off?"

"Ok but if he kicks my lights out, I will expect a great deal of compensation, a new car will cover it I think."

The next morning much as it is against my better judgement to get up before lunch time I drag my bones out of bed and get ready to go for a run with Christian. _Dad you owe me big time. _

When I get downstairs, I find he has already left" Just a few minutes ago "mom says.

I know his usual route so I set off at a fast pace to catch him up. As I round the bend, I can see him just about to get into a car. _Oh fuck! It's Elena Lincoln!_

"Hey Christian! Christian! Did you forget about me bro?" I bellow. He turns and sees me, then he says something to Mrs. Lincoln, closes the car door and she drives off tyres skidding as she pulls away.

If looks could kill I surely would be dead. But by the time I reach him he has slapped a smile on his face.

"Well I thought you had changed your mind, or perhaps it was too early for you, I waited but you didn't show." he says genially.

"Cut the crap Christian, are you fucking that woman?"

His face pales, then in a nano second turns beet red. _Gotcha!_

"You stupid little shit. Do you know what that woman is?"

"Yes, very willing" he says smugly.

I slap him round his head. I can't help it how can he be so fuckin' dense. He tries to punch me but I grab his arm before he makes contact with my nose.

"Christian, I swear I will knock six bells out of you. What's your IQ, no don't tell me your shoe size. That woman is a sick bitch who loves fucking kids and training them into a BDSM life style. And you, you stupid little shit are walking straight into it. Christ! I thought you had more sense."

Christian's mouth and eyes open very wide and then; do you know what he does; he starts laughing. He's bending over holding his stomach, tears streaming down his face laughing his head off.

"Glad you think its funny Christian."

He wipes his nose on the back of his hand, taking a deep breath trying desperately to regain control.

"What the fuck is BDSM, for crying out loud?"

_Oh little bro you have no idea have you_.

"Lets head back and sit on the jetty, you poor innocent child." I say putting my arm round his shoulders.

We are sitting on the jetty at the bottom of our yard. I get an awful feeling of da ja vous. Here I am again having a father to son talk with my brother oh joy! Well at least I'll know how to approach my son if I ever have one.

Again Christian chuckles to himself muttering "BDSM what the hell are you talking about?"

I look at him in amazement then I realise, he honestly doesn't know. He is just fifteen he has none or very little experience of any sexual practices. Other what he has learned from nicking the magazines from my room or from what he read in the biology books. Or from what hears in the locker rooms along with all the other sexually frustrated fifteen year olds; which is gossip and wishful thinking.

"Christian, stay away from that woman, she is a predator. She enjoys young men and from what we know underage kids."

"So?" he says stubbornly

I run my hands through my hair, gritting my teeth in frustration. _Dad you so owe me._

"I don't give a flying fuck whether you have or haven't popped your cherry with that woman. All I'm asking you to do is steer clear of her before she drags you down into a lifestyle you'll live to regret."

"Why don't you be obtuse Elliot, because you're not really making a lot of sense when you're trying to be clear. What is BDSM, what has it got to do with," that woman" as you call her. Please just spit it out and let's be done."

"BDSM stands for. Bondage, dominance, submission, masochism. And it's an extreme form of sexual practice. Elena Lincoln is a dominatrix she likes to have young men, younger the better, as her submissive. Now from what I can gather from this practice is usually consensual between adults and is to explore sexual limits to enhance the pleasure."

Christian grins wickedly "Don't see anything wrong with that."

"No, there isn't usually, but in her case she wants your total submission, that means, she will punish you, by caning, whipping, restraining you prevent you from having an orgasm. Furthermore, she will dominate your life she will order you around and expect you to obey her every whim. Oh yes she will teach you about sex, but only on her terms, her way of life will become your way of life. And because she won't want mom and dad to know what she is doing to you; you will disassociate yourself from them. It's to be "our secret" in other words she is a paedophile, a sexual abuser!"

There I think I have explained things clearly enough. And looking at Christian's face I really think he gets it.

"How do you know all this stuff? And what makes you think Elena Lincoln is into it?"

"Well I've done a bit of research while I've been at college. You know guys talk about this stuff more as you get older and more experienced. But it just so happens; and I haven't told dad this yet because I want you out from being tied in with her when the shit hit's the fan.

Last Christmas during the holiday break, if you remember some of the old gang and I went out to celebrate and for the first time we were going to a strip club. So we decided just for kicks we'd go to the seedier side of town where the gay and lesbian bars are. Baring in mind none of us are over twenty-one; what the hell we thought we could get away with it. And we did in the first bar we went to."

"A strip club!" Christian's face is wide open in surprise and excitement.

"Yes there were strippers, nothing that we hadn't seem before. So Greg Houseman suggested we would see if we could get into a kinky club he'd heard about from his brother. It was just down the street from where we were; so, being the curious lads we are and we'd had a drink or three as well we set off. But no way would they let us in. It was strictly members only, no admission without ID and a membership card.

We had to move on, just as we were leaving; having decided to go back and see if we could pick up some girls at a normal sort of bar; who should roll up in her car but Elena Lincoln. She climbs out and behind her follows this kid, I swear he was no older than you. He had on leather pants, tee shirt, and a leather jacket, and round his neck, oh you're not going to believe this Christian, a dog collar and lead! Any way the doorman wouldn't let her in. because she couldn't prove to him that the kid was over twenty-one. She had a stand up argument with the guy on the door but no way was he gonna' let that kid in. he even threatened to call the police. So she left. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you now?"

Christian didn't say anything he just looked aghast I can see the cogs working in his mind, as he tried to formulate the implications in his mind.

"She said she could help me get over the touch thing. She said she would show me how to stop loosing my temper, to control my feelings." his voice was very quiet.

"She would control me wouldn't she?"

"Yes in every way bro. you don't need that sort of control Christian; you just have to learn to trust. Believe me stick with the likes of Susie Metcalf and don't try for the home run too soon just making out and get used to the idea."

We sit for a while and let quietly let thing sink in.

"Shall we run while I sort out my head? Then we'll go and talk to dad."

"Sure. By the way, did she give you a phone?"

"How do you know that?" surprised.

"Because it's the only way she knows where you are all the time. You see already, she is controlling you by you telling her just where you'll be and what you are doing. She has been photographed stalking you."

"By whom!" he says incredulously

"Jim you know dad's PI has been watching her, trying to get evidence to make changes against her for child molestation and abuse."

We continue along the track. I can tell he's thinking hard. He stops suddenly, his hands on his knees panting. Then he looks at me with the most lascivious grin.

"Tell me more about BDSM."

"Not fuckin' likely. Look it up on the www. I'm not being responsible for your fucked up mind. It's enough that I have to explain the basics to you"


	12. Chapter 12

**I hope you all like this bit I would love to hear what you think.**

**There may be more I don't know but I may have to move on a few years.**

**What do you think?**

**All characters belong to E. . This story is just for fun and not for profit**

Chapter 12

Of course I knew about Elena Lincoln's lifestyle but I wasn't going to tell Elliot. I cracked up laughing 'cos he's sitting there with that superior look on his face. Treating me like I was a kid who the hell did he think he was?

The truth of the matter was I'd all ready told her I didn't want to get into someone telling me what to do with my life, my very private life. And sure as hell she wasn't going to beat me. I'd lived through enough of that.

When Elliot came yelling at me, I'd already told her to leave me alone or I would go to the police. She sneered at me saying they wouldn't believe me messed up kid that I was. As I shut the car door I waved the mobile phone at her, the one she had given me.

I had gone to see Elena Lincoln the day after we'd told dad about the incident at her place.

Why? Well I was intrigued and turned on and yes fifty shades of stupid so sue me I'm fourteen, fifteen in a week I'm supposed to be lead by my dick.

She looked absolutely stunning and sexy and my teenage hormones were rampant along with my dick.

She knew why I was there even though I said I'd come over to finish in the yard.

So she talked me through my first sexual experiences several times. She knew about my haphephobia because my mom told her all about me so she was very careful not to touch my back and chest.

Before I left after a very pleasurable afternoon, for me anyway and she seemed happy with my performance, for a novice. She talked to me at length about the life style and how she would train me. At the time it seemed very erotic and exciting but I hadn't realised just how much she would control my life. She gave me a mobile phone and told me to text her when ever there would be an opportunity to meet.

The day I went to the mall for mom I let her know I was going but then of course I met with Susie.

I didn't know she was there watching me, so when she rang me that evening to blow me out it finally hit me what was happening that my life would never be my own.

I was stupid I realised that as soon as she got on at me for meeting Susie. She phoned me that evening and virtually ordered me not to see her again, "You are mine. You do not associate with any other girl. I will punish you believe me Christian. You haven't felt my cane yet" I told her to fuck off. She wasn't happy with me at all, oh no, not at all pleased.

After I had told Elliot and my dad about the first encounter with Elena Lincoln, I did feel betrayed when I thought he wasn't going to do anything about it. I stewed on it for a couple of days getting madder and madder.

I had never accepted that the Greys could really care for me to love me. How could they when my own mother didn't love me enough to protect me. All the shrinks I have ever been to have tried to work with me to overcome the self loathing I nurture within me; but deep down it's still there, the guilt. It was my entire fault.

Even after I had talked to Dr. Ryan and he explained the possible reason for my dad's actions. It was difficult for me to accept so I had a melt down with him.

But now we had evidence. Elliot with what he'd found out by exploring his own experiences and me with the phone calls she had made especially the one of her threatening me. Plus I was underage. That didn't bother me I know Elliot was only thirteen when he got laid the first time, but I will keep that between myself and him.

####

We felt too awkward talking about this stuff with mom around so we decided we would go to his office in town.

The first thing I did was apologise for loosing my temper at him.

"I should have known you would not just let it go. I over reacted I'm sorry." I hoped I sounded contrite.

"I'm sorry I didn't explain what I was about. I should have that was wrong of me."

And we shook hands on it.

"But we do have some evidence for you dad. She Erm gave me a phone."

"She what! Did you go and see her?"

"Err yes. I went because I was pissed at you and I thought what the hell I've got to get laid sometime."

"Do you want to tell me what she did?"

I can feel my face burning with embarrassment. "Well apart from the obvious, nothing." I murmur.

"And?" he prompts

"Well she did explain how things were going to be in the future. But I didn't really take her seriously until she phoned me after I'd seen Susie and blew me off. Threatened to cane me so I told her no way. And I haven't seen her since; until this morning she was waiting when I went out for a run she wanted to take me back to her place. But I told her to leave me alone or I would call the police. She said they wouldn't believe me, but I wave the phone at her with all the messages she sent on it and shut the car door, just as Elliot came. Then she drove off."

####

**One year later.**

And the rest as they say is history.

As it turned out there were several kids under her "Submission" she certainly enjoyed abusing young kids. The thing was she didn't even seem to be bothered that she had been labelled a child abuser and a paedophile. Even as she was sentenced to a long term in prison she continued to look arrogant and disdainful.

Although, some of the pictures of her stalking me were brought out as evidence my dad made sure that I didn't have to give testiment. I just had to write out a statement and with a reference from my shrink and along with the phone calls that was enough as far as I personally was involved; there were kids younger than me for them to focus on. I was deemed the lucky one I got out.

Although Mrs. Lincoln was a perverted bitch, she had made me realise that I could have an intimate relationship with a girl. And that really used to worry me. The funny thing was though it was because of her I felt more at ease with myself and the people around me. So in some respects I should be grateful to her. I was just so relieved that I had sense enough not to let myself get carried away with her.

Susie had been a big help at school her being with me took away the "Gay" stigma so life at school became more tolerable . I still couldn't let folk touch me randomly but with Susie's help they understood better. And mom and dad had seen Principle Howard and explained my phobia so they were more understanding if fights broke out when some stupid fucker pushed me too my limit.

So here we are now on the brink of junior prom. I had my sixteeth birthday last week. So who knows what might happen tonight.

Susie and I are still together and we have been making out, a lot. We have been very good though, well we haven't hit home run yet. But that's not for the want of trying on my part. Susie always cools things off before get that far. She knows that if I get too heated up she just has to touch my back or chest for me to back off.

But that too is getting easier to bear; well I think it is it may be that my mind is on another more demanding part of me.

Crazy Elliot sent me a strippergram for my birthday, that went down really well with the parents _I don't think_. Mom went ballistic. Dad I think deep down was amused 'cos I could see him hiding a smile but he had to hide it for the sake of maintaining some sort of disapline in the home.

The stupid prick had actually sent her to the house!

My mom was so angry and went on and on how she was going to kill Elliot when he got home: so I did the only thing I could think of to stop her tyraid, I picked her up in a big hug and sat her on the breakfast bar. It stung a bit but it was worth it to see her so happy.

Fortunately Mia wasn't downstairs when the girl came to the door so she didn't see her. She did appear just as I picked mom up. This made her jump about laughing that I had let myself hug my mom so then of course we had to have a group hug Mia, mom, dad and me; it hardly hurt at all.


	13. Chapter 13

**I nearly did leave the story there but then I had another thought or two. Some of you lovely reviewers asked me to go on and have Christian met Ana. And I thought why not?**

**I felt that although Christian has to some degree overcome his demons there was still some room for him to develop in his relationships. He may not grow to be as cold and detached but he still will be a billionaire!**

**Thanks for reading and following your reviews mean so much. So let me know what you think of this latest development. ****J**

As ever all characters belong to E. .

Chapter 13

Life at Harvard is so very different from home. When I started my first term here I didn't think I was going to last. I felt… I guess it was lonely, no Mia, no Elliot, no mom and dad and worst of all no Susie.

I had because of her made some friends during senior high school; I know they thought of me as an odd ball. I wasn't like them didn't join in their endless quest to. Get drunk, or speed down I.5 just for the hell of it. Hoping the cops didn't catch you on the speed camera or pull you over. Get laid, I think there were some that still weren't sure if I was gay as I after Susie left I didn't even date.

And I certainly am not going to experiment with drugs. Oh no definitely not my scene.

That doesn't mean I didn't get drunk at all. There were times when a whole gang of us would take off into the hills hiking and camping; then I would let myself go and act just as stupid as the others. But not being clear headed and feeling like shit the next day was a deterrent for me.

Susie and I hit "Home Run" not at the prom as I expected, as I didn't go to the prom. Mia was stricken with appendicitis; she had been unwell all day. Dad didn't realise that abdominal pains were anything but period cramps because Mia said that was how it felt. And what do we guys know about that? Mom was on shift at the hospital so when dad rang she told him to give her some Advil and a hot water bottle and let her to stay in bed.

Just as I was ready to leave, I popped into her room to say cheerio and get better soon; she sat up to give me a hug and threw up all over me. On my shirt, down my pants and shoes every where: just as mom got home. Then she was crying in god awful pain holding on to me, begging me to go to the hospital with her as she was scared. So what could I do? Have quick shower get dressed in a pair of jeans, tee shirt and jacket and go with her. Sorry Susie but in cases like this my little sister comes first.

Mom got her into hospital pretty darn fast and luckily her appendix didn't rupture so the whole thing was painful but not life threatening. She was home in a couple of days bossing every one around playing the feeble damsel, until I told her to man up. She just missed me when she threw the book at me.

When Susie and I finally got it together it was pretty good but we both knew there was room for improvement, so we kept practicing. It was Susie who suggested I tie her hands so she couldn't touch me and we both thought that was HOT.

Unfortunately Susie's father decided to take a job in Japan. And they moved out there at the beginning of the second year at senior high.

I went off the rails a bit then that's why I know that getting drunk is painful especially when you're trying to cram for an entry to Harvard, getting laid isn't a priority.

I was drawn into economics, the stocks and shares, world market prices, mergers and acquisitions. I could see clearly how it all worked. In some cases I found I could predict just which way a certain companies assets were going in the stock market. In some cases I could even see why certain companies had failed I could also see how it could have been prevented.

I felt that if this was going to be my way in life and I would have to be the best because I do not fail.

I asked my dad if he would buy me some shares in a company I thought was on the rise and I wanted to test my theory. Much to my surprise he did. And we made a tidy profit from it; dad was made up for me. When I told him and mom this was the sort of career I was interested in they were with me all the way. They insisted that I had to go Harvard University, so I had to get the exam results required and their expectations were high. You should see the grades they expected of you. Jeez! But they had done so much for me I felt it was the least I could do.

########

As I said being out in the world on my own was both thrilling and a little daunting at the same time. It was great not having the folks breathing down your neck no one gave a shit what time you got in at night, whether you were drunk or sober, where or who you slept with. No wonder students are a bunch of idiots at times; it's all the new found freedom.

For a short time after moving there the fuckin' nightmares started up again. I was grateful that I had begged mom and dad to let me lease a small apartment off campus; so I didn't share and no one was disturbed when I woke up screaming and sweating from a nightmare.

However, I hadn't really thought of my nightmares when I'd asked for an apartment, no I had ulterior motives. Sex being one of them.

#######

The worst problem with having haphephobia is that when you're a walking hard on it's not so easy to have a one night stand. Not all girls are willing for you to tie their

hands or play some party game especially on a first date. Over the last year since Susie left I had to up my seduction technique. It wasn't easy but I had nature on my side. I am over six foot now having had final growth spurt. I worked out and the rowing and kick boxing gave me a good physique. I know I am considered good looking, I've been told often enough but it is just a pretty face hiding the darkness inside' it's a good start when trying to get a girl in your bed. It's not easy working on a slow seduction when you don't know when your room mate is going to burst through the door; hence the apartment for one.

For the first few months it was a bit arduous for me people staring, yea, yea just a pretty face. Girls would invite me out for a drink, to help with their studies, or just to have sex. Fine but it wouldn't take them long to realise there was a no touch policy with me. I learned to read and anticipate when anyone wanted to hug, or pat me on the back I would just move myself out of the way. So again, the gay grey stigma reared its ugly head making me fucking angry all the time.

One late evening after a day filled with lectures, trying to complete assignments and doing research into share indexes I just couldn't settle to sleep. My brain just would not switch off, I decided to go for a run, dressed in sweat pants and a tee shirt I set off to run along the river bank then I detoured into Boston it's self. I found myself running through streets that were crowded with people I half expected it to be free of humanity like at Belleview. As I jogged along the sidewalk I found that I wasn't the only one trying to jog nearly impossible, so I turned off onto a side street that didn't appear so crowded and I soon realised I'd turned into a less savoury part of town. The street is full clubs and bars with a cacophony of music issuing from them. I realise that perhaps fate has lead me here when I see a couple who are in a Dom/sub relationship. I recognise this because the woman reminds me very much of Elena Lincoln and the one time she dressed as a Dom when she was trying to seduce me into the scene.

This particular woman was younger than Elena by several years I would say and she was dressed in black leathers with thigh high stiletto heeled boots. Tall, she carried herself with a certain elegance that just oozed power and control. Her auburn hair waving down her back and shoulders.

The guy she was with was of similar age, dressed in very tight jeans that hung from his hips, I could just about see the pubic hair in his groin and there was no mistaking the outline of his dick. And a sleeveless bolero that barely covered his chest; round his neck, he had a spiked leather collar from which a long silver chain was attached and held by the woman over her shoulder as he walked eyes down, behind her.

Now being the curious young man I was I followed them into the club. No one took the slightest bit of notice of me so I wandered over to the bar and ordered a beer.

I hadn't been there so long before a girls sidled up to me and put her hand on my shoulder, of course I reacted as usual, "Don't touch me." I growled at her.

To my surprise she immediately backed of, bowed her head and said,

"Forgive me sir, I didn't mean to offend. "And she looked so contrite my immediately felt guilty for snapping at her. I was just about to apologise when she continued in a very low voice, "If sir wishes to punish me I quite understand."

Then I realised what the game was she was a submissive.

######

When the whole thing with Elena Lincoln was revelled I learned a great deal about the BDSM scene. Not only from what I heard from dad and Elliot, but I did in fact do some research on the www. I learned that Elena's preference was not only for young kids but for extreme sadism. She trained the kids, and it could have been me, to be totally dominated but her punishments were savage; that the submissive learned to expect to be caned or whipped severely and eventually it became the only way they would derive any sexual gratification. Then she would "Sell" them to other dominants, they literally became sex slaves.

In the course of my research I also learned that this extreme style of BDSM wasn't the norm. So Susie and I indulged in little scenes of our own, just for fun.

######

"And just how do you think I should punish you?" I demanded of the girl.

My dick jumping in my pants I tried to quell the excitement in my gut.

"You could tie me up and spank me sir, I was very wrong to touch you without permission."

I groaned inwardly with anticipation. _Hang fire there Grey, no money, no condoms. Don't be stupid, you don't know her._

"What's the game here?" I ask her but I keep my voice cold and wear my impassive face.

"Sir, permission to speak frankly"

Oh for crying out loud this is too much.

"I wish you would. Do you work for the club?"

"Yes sir. But there are very strict rules and guidelines."

"I'm pleased to hear it. Tell me" I demand.

"Would sir mind coming to see the owner and make arrangements?"

_Careful! _I take a large gulp of my beer. _What the hell._

"Lead the way"

She walks in front of me and I get a great view of a very nice ass, long legs in sky high stiletto's very short skirt. She is nicely rounded with long brunette hair in a high pony tail.

She leads me through the crowded bar, through a glass door and down a short corridor until we come to another door marked "Office". She taps on the door gently and a woman's voice tells us to "Enter"

I'm very surprised when I follow the girl in. it is an office, but is decorated very tastefully decorated. The carpet is dark green the walls are pale green with white paint work. There is a very comfortable looking three piece green leather chesterfield suite. There is a large glass topped desk, behind which a woman who is elegantly dressed in a beautifully tailored pale blue suit. She has blond hair in an elegant chignon and her make up is immaculate. She could pass as one of the women who normally sit on charity committees.

"Mrs Dane, I think this gentleman would like to take advantage of our services"

Gentleman me? Yes I feel very much out of place in my running sweats.

Mrs Dane looks me over from head to toe and I don't think she minds what she sees.

"Would you sit for a while please? Ruth please fetch a drink for our guest whilst I acquaint him with our policies."

And with a "Yes ma'am". Ruth leaves the room.

"Now Mr." she raises her eyebrows in askance.

"Grey, my name is Christian Grey"

"Just Mr. Grey will suffice. If you want to take advantage of our services there are rules that must be strictly followed. Any breach and I will fine you $100 for the first offence there is no second chance you will be barred. The membership fee is $250 per semester. You are at the collage I presume?"

"Yes at Harvard," I reply wondering how the hell she knows. And making a mental note to ask my dad to invest for me again.

"Ah a budding business man." she smiles.

I just nod. Then I remember to put my impassive hard as nails look; call it a mind set.

"Well we have to ensure that our clients understand there are no extreme practises allowed. We don't allow total dominance or total submission, the scenes are played very much for fun." she looks at me with her head cocked on one side. "I wouldn't have thought you would have had need for this sort of service Mr. Grey. I think you would appeal to many girls of your own age."

"Thankyou, I am going to be candid with you Mrs. Dane." truth time. "I don't have a problem with girls at all, it's just since I was a child I have a phobia about being touched. Well back home I had a girl friend who would allow me to tie her hands and we found it fun and it developed into more exotic play. Well as you have rightly guessed I'm a student and I intend to work hard for my degree. I won't have time to nurture a girl into my ways. I'm sure you can understand you can't have a casual one night stand and expect a girl to allow me to tie her up on a first date."

She laughs out loud and I feel a bit affronted; I scowl at her.

"Oh Mr, Grey I perfectly understand because I have the same demons dogging me." her face closes with I can only imagine the trauma she has had in her past.

"Because you have been so honest with me Ruth will be your playmate tonight as a .gesture of good will but I will expect your fee the next time you visit."

There is a gentle knock on the door and Ruth comes in with a bottle of beer and a glass on a tray. She sets it down on the glass topped coffee table then stands to one side her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes lowered.

"Ruth, you may sit and wait whilst Mr. Grey reads through to limits. When he has agreed and signed the membership you may take him to your room. Do you have any questions Mr. Grey?"

"Just one, if I find Ruth satisfactory would I be permitted to have her visit my apartment and go out for an occasional meal with me? "

"Yes that is an arrangement you can make between yourselves"


	14. Chapter 14

Hope I have redressed an issue pointed out to me by a kind reviewer who keeps me on my toes.

Chapter 14

Ruth is panting, moaning, leaning on her elbows ass in the air,

"Quiet!" I growl giving her another hard slap on her ass, then gently sliding my hand around the rosy cheeks and down to the apex of her thighs around her and into the wet soft folds. My fingers massaging that little nub that makes her tremble almost climaxing, but not yet. I stop and let my hand slide back up her ass I caress her massaging the dampness from my fingers easing the soreness.

I sit up and grab her hips turning her onto her back so that she can face me. She looks so hot now her body ripe and open to me. Her eyes are wide, lips slightly parted as she pants with need. I reach to the bedside table and grab a condom. Smiling I stroke her cheek with the foil package, down her jaw line across her chin until I hold it in front of her lips she slightly lifts her head and takes the packet in her teeth I hold on and between us we rip it open.

My cock is at full attention, swollen with a dewdrop of precum at the tip. I can't hold on much longer now my balls are aching so badly so I quickly sheath up. And taking my weight on my hands at each side of her head I thrust myself into her, hard _Ahh thank fuck. _She is so smooth and wet caressing my cock with warm silkiness, its sheer bliss. She folds her legs around my waist pushing her hips up to met me. But I don't move; just savour the sensation of being there inside her.

"Open your eyes, I want to see you." Her hazel eyes meet mine and they are alight with need. I ease myself out of her and kneeling up I grab her hips and lift her up and thrust myself into her again; this time I don't stop pumping into her. I can feel her muscles inside gripping my cock as we grind ourselves into each other. We are panting and sweating with exertion. Her legs grip me tighter and I freeze as we come together in an earth trembling orgasm.

I release her hips and as she relaxes down on the bed I sink with her resting on my forearms to hold myself clear of her body.

As we come down from where ever we've been I roll myself off her and onto my side and untie her hands from the wooden bed frame. Gently I massage her arms to bring back the circulation and she totally relaxes her whole body. I cover her with the sheet then get up off the bed and go into the bathroom to relieve myself of the condom and wash up. Back in the bedroom I pull on my boxers, my jeans and a tee shirt. And sit on the bed to put socks and trainers on.

"Are you leaving so soon Mr. Grey?" she sounds disappointed. I usually stay longer and go again, and again but not tonight I have work to do.

"I have to get back, I have exams coming up, and I have to work. Erm, I don't think we'll meet again Ruth."

She sits up suddenly, holding the sheet around her, her face falling with dismay.

"You're not happy with me?"

"Ruth, I am more than happy with you. I have enjoyed our time together, it's been amazing." She sits up higher in the bed, holding the sheet close to her. Her hair is a glorious mess as it tumbles around her shoulders. She has lovely hair it's soft and glossy; I love running my fingers through it.

"But I have limited funds, I'm sorry to say; it's just that I need to save so I can finance my self when I've finished college." I pause, taking stock; I need to elaborate more,

"I'm grateful for what you have taught me but I don't want to get any deeper into this way of life. I was nearly coerced into the scene when I was young I refused to be drawn in then and I can't go down that road, it's just not for me. I don't enjoy inflicting pain I had enough as a child and I couldn't do it to anyone else."

I was naive enough at the time to believe the $250 was the full membership; that merely got me through the door. In the end the club proved very expensive with all the add ons.

It was lucky that I was able to play the stock market as part of my assignments; what the tutor didn't know was that I was playing for real, and making money. My dad handled the deals for me making a tidy sum of his own on my say so.

Anything I gained went directly into my account and my dad didn't ask what I spent my money on; only that I housed, clothed and fed myself.

Over the passed year Ruth has helped me explore my sexuality as I've never been able to before. She is several years older than me and is very experienced in the Dom/sub scene. In life she is a party planner, and at nights she helps Mrs. Dane with this discrete member's only club as trainer in the Dom/sub scene. Her training me cost me $300 a session. She was a switcher could play either role.

She had homed in on me because I wasn't supposed to be in there and her touch on my shoulder was to be her attempt to get me out. Then I snarled at her and she got curious.

She very quickly realised I wasn't the Dom I had lead her to believe when I first spoke with her. She saw straight through me and saw me for what I was, young and inexperienced with issues about being touched.

The first scene we played was pretty much the same way as Susie and I had.

Then she said "I think you need to listen to what I want rather just take what you need. I can teach you how to please a woman, as you learn that you will forget your own issues. Now I am going to tell you what to do and I want you to obey. Before we do that, I want you to tell me why you insisted on tying my hands."

I looked at her stunned I thought I had pleased her pretty well at least Susie had never complained. Her voice had been quite demanding, not all the quiet submissive tone she had used when we first went to her room.

"I-erm, I don't like anyone touching my back or my chest I tied your hand so you couldn't."

She regarded me thoughtfully looking into my eyes.

"Is it some thing to do with these little scars? I couldn't help noticing them."

"It's every thing to do with them." I replied but no way was I going to go there. So I set my face to my impassive, don't ask questions look and closed my mouth.

She continued to look directly into my eyes; then with her fingers she gently touched my face down my cheek, my chin, along my neck to just under my ear.

"Do you mind this?" gently tugging my earlobe.

I shake my head. She moved her hand back down my neck, I tensed as she made to go down my front, so she changed course and slid her hand across my shoulder and down my arm.

"Is this ok?"

I nod. She holds my hand and places it on her breast I feel the fullness, softly. And I run my thumb over the nipple.

"Carry on, touch the other." so I shift my position so both my hands are busy. She continues to hold my gaze. I lick lips mouth going dry.

She shifts until she is straggling me sitting in my thighs; of course my dick is raising up to say "Hello" Ruth has a gleam in her eye as her pupils dilate she slides her hands across my stomach just below my rib cage; and seeing no adverse reaction from me, she continued down my lower abdomen, my erection is getting more pronounced; excitement growing in my belly. Fingers tangle themselves in my happy trail, right down into my pubic hair.

I'm still gently pulling at her nipples, "You can do that a bit harder" she says breathily as she starts to stroke my growing cock. And I can't help it I pinch her nipples really hard and she groans tipping her head back and pushing her breasts into my hands.

"Stop, put your hands on my shoulders" and as I do so, she takes my now aching cock into her mouth.

"Ahh, "I gasp as her tongue circles around the hood and find that I am flexing my hips and pushing myself deeper in to her mouth. I hold her head, my fingers tangling in her hair. And she licks and sucks as I throw my head back into the pillow, eyes tight closed, my breath hissing through my teeth. Then just as I think I'm going to explode; she releases me. and sits back on her heels.

"Now you need to touch me. I promise I won't go near the no go areas, but for the time being, if you feel more comfortable you can tie my hands."

######

It was when she really had her mindset in the submissive role and wanted me to punish her that I called a halt. I could take the lead, but not be a Dom to the extreme

she wanted me to. I couldn't be a Mrs. Lincoln I couldn't derive any pleasure or sexual gratification that way.

I wouldn't indulge in the hard core practises Ruth enjoyed. I quite enjoyed giving a sensual spanking, but I would only use my hand. She introduced me to the Ben Wah balls, to vibrators, nipple clamps and other means of giving and receiving erotic pleasure. But some of the scenes were getting too heavy for me. I couldn't bring myself to beat Ruth, with a riding crop, or cane; or belt. It evoked too many memories for me.

I wouldn't even try when she suggested that I bind and gag her.

Both Ruth and Mrs. Dane tried to talk me into going into the deeper, darker side of BDSM to really push my limits. Told me I'd make a good Dom as I was good at taking control; I told them I was taking control now by stopping and getting on with my life the way _I _thought best.

That then was the end and as I say, I found I could feed my needs just nicely thank you.

And as I became more confident in myself I found that quite a few of the girls I met on campus quite liked a little kinky fuckery. Of course I still had to get to know the girl a little before I could suggest I tie her hands. But I still managed a few one nighters when we fucked doggy style. Or the odd time when it was just a quick fuck not even getting any clothes off.

The sexual encounters I had over the next few years meant nothing to me. I didn't feel any close bond with any of my "Dates" even if we had a relationship that lasted more than a few weeks. Yes I liked the girls, but never, not for one moment, did I imagine I was in love with them. I barely remembered their names once it was over.

######

And so for the next two and a half years. I studied, I rowed, I kick boxed, I ran, joined the track team. Even won a cup for the college, rowing solo.

Partied, got drunk. Had a few fights and fucked anytime, anyplace, anywhere. Had a great time really.

But the best times were when I came home on vacation. Seeing my family how they greeted me. Mia nearly knocked me over every time I came back, rushing at me throwing her arms around my waist. When I saw my mom and dad and just how much they seemed to have missed me; deep inside I would feel that if they knew what I had got up to with Ruth and the club and all my other sexual exploits they wouldn't want to know me.

It never crossed my mind that they accepted Elliot's promiscuity without giving up on him so why would they give up on me. Still deep down somewhere inside I felt they couldn't possibly love me; I wasn't worthy. And with that issue it was still painful when either of them wanted to give me a full on hug.

But they spoiled me rotten and tried to make me feel special. Yes it was good coming home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks to all who are reading, I appreciate your reviews. Please remember I'm a Brit, so if I get Americanisms wrong I apologise.**

**All characters belong to E.L. James. Borrowed for fun and not profit.**

Chapter 15.

I had a phone call from Christian asking me to pick him up from Sea Tac. This did not bode well as it was mid-term and he shouldn't be coming home. So it was with some trepidation I took myself off to pick him up.

As he exited the arrivals gate I was surprised to see he had his large suitcase with him.

"You going somewhere?" I queried.

"Yes home, please James." then the cheeky sod climbed into the back of my car and left me with his luggage.

I leaned in after him and dragged him out by his arm. "Out pest pick up your own luggage or I'll drive off and leave it there."

Christian was chuckling but got out of the car and put his suitcase into the trunk.

Since Christian had been at Harvard I found I had developed a whole new bon homme

with him he seemed much more relaxed when we had met up during vacations. May be he was not so reliant, had learned independence a whole new confidence.

"You manage to get laid then bro?"

Christian caught his breath, choking. Obviously, I had surprised him with my question.

Spluttering he glares at me, then gives me an evil grin his eyes sparkling with humour.

"Well let's say that I learned about other things as well as business practices, economics and politics. All very interesting, all very useful." he says smugly.

I glanced at him as we were taking a right turn to wards Belleview I raise my eyebrows in a tell me more gesture.

"Put it this way then, I've learned that there are lots of places on my body I don't mind being touched and there are ways of having a fuck without getting that close. Will that do for you?"

"So you don't need the services of the love doctor?"

Christian laughs out loud, "No I think I can manage thank you very much"

"Are we heading home?"

"Yes mom is expecting me for dinner tonight so you may as well come too. Why are you home anyway, you in trouble?"

"No, well I expect I will be when the old folk find out I've dropped out" he says calmly

"WHAT! Are you mad?"

"No I just want to take time out from academic study for a while."

"A gap year?"

"If you like, but I have an opportunity that may not come again for a long time and I want to take advantage of it"

"Do you think dad will agree?"

"I'm hoping so. I'd rather have their blessing but I'm going ahead whether they like it or not. "He sounded very determined, very focused.

"Good luck with that" I say shaking my head. Things like lead balloons, hope in hell, pigs might fly go through my mind. I know how our folks wanted us all to get degrees. I myself graduated from Princeton in architecture and engineering. But for Christian to "drop out "in his second year was going to be a lot for them to take.

"Well here we are I don't know if this is going to be in praise of the home coming of the prodigal son or your last supper. But I'm here to pick up the pieces."

He grinned "let's go and face the music. Don't say anything in front of Mia I'll talk to them in dads study; I don't want any weepin' 'n' wailin' when he throws me out."

#####

Mom was delighted when we walked though the kitchen door.

"Christian darling what are you doing home!"

To my surprise he put his arms around her and gives her a hug. He was facing me and I saw him clench his jaw and close his eyes but he held on to her. Moms face was a clear picture of delight.

As we ate dinner the chatter was convivial but it was obvious every one was waiting for Christian to drop his bomb. He seemed oblivious to every ones expectation "What was he doing home".

After mom brought in coffee dad cleared his throat, "Why are you home Christian, not that we are not pleased to see you but its mid term."

Christian pushed his cup away ran his fingers through his hair licked his lips.

"I'm taking a gap year." he said in a rush.

Then he and I held our breath. _Light the blue touch paper and stand back._

"You what!" he roared.

Christian sat up straight looked him directly eye to eye.

"Dad will you hear me out before you go nuclear, please" he spoke quietly and firmly.

Mom took hold of dad's hand "Hear him out Carrick."

Dad nodded somewhat begrudgingly.

Christian got up and fetched his backpack. From inside he took out his lap top and a blue ring file. He booted up the lap top and opened the file.

"I have here a five year business plan I have been working on for the last six months. My tutor has seen it and approved it as part of my year end assignment. He said all it needs to complete it is an acquisition but in theory it's, in his opinion, brilliant, and with out appearing arrogant I have to agree with him." he gave us a wry smile.

"I have found just the acquisition that requires this plan. I want to buy the controlling

shares take over the business and put my plan into action."

We all stared at him. Our mouths open.

"Erm, doesn't this plan need another element to work?" asked mom "like money; capital."

"Ah well," says Christian "that's where you come in."

Dad ran his hand through his hair. "Quite just how do you plan to finance this little enterprise?"

"As you know I have been dabbling on the stock markets over this past couple of years and have made a nice little nest egg, not enough but if you release my trust fund, and with a loan from the bank I can buy the majority of the shares, enough to take over the company and put my recovery plan into action"

#########

_Seattle Nooz._

_Is this the face of Seattle's most eligible bachelor? Young Christian Grey has rocked the financial world by becoming a multi millionaire at the age of just 21. Not only that, he is Hot! As far as the Nooz can find out Mr. Grey is never seen in the company of any partner male or female. So is he on the market? That of course is what we intend to find out._

"Oh for crying out loud have these people nothing better to do than to write this puerile trash?"

I throw the paper across my desk it slides off the end and onto the floor.

Mia has brought the paper for me to look at. She thinks it's cute; I think its drag.

"If you had a date now and then, you wouldn't get this kind of publicity."

"Yes there would, and any one I was with would never get any peace. Next thing you know they'll be making wedding plans and talking prenup. I just happen to think that my private life is my own and no concern to anyone."

"But you never date" she protested.

"Yes I do. I just don't put them on display"

"Or bring them home"

"No need, they are not my girlfriends just casual dates"

"Fuck buddies" she mutters.

"Mia really! Do you mind? This is nothing to do with you."

"Ok but will you be bringing a date to the Coping Together Ball?"

"No, you're my date, you always have been. "

"Not this year, I have a date."

"Oh, any one I know? I'm devastated Mia who will I dance with?" I hold on to my heart and stagger back into my chair.

She giggles. "Clown. I don't think you'll know him he's a guy from school. Mom likes him and she says it's ok to take him."

"Well if I don't get my dance I may have to damage him. And tell him to keep his hands to himself or I will damage him. Now scoot I have work to do. I'll see you Saturday." I get up and open the door for her. She puts her arms around my waist and I kiss her head.

"Bye Christian." waves as she makes for the main doors.

"Bye Mia"

Dad backed me up when I told him of my plans for a Gap Year. Well I think we both know that I will not be going back to Harvard.

After the acquistion of that first little cell phone company things just kept growing and growing and now nearly two years later I have a portfolio of five companies that I own outright. My mom thinks I have a midas touch. I don't; hard work, research, indepth knowledge before I put my cards on any boardroom table.

The thing is I'm fucking genius at what I do fixing failing companies, and if I can't break them up and selling the pieces to the highest bidders. I read a spread sheet their P&L and once I have all the information I can get I can tell which note is playing out of it comes down to the management. And boards of directors, well I don't have those. I have complete control of all my companies my word is final. To achieve that I work sometimes nineteen hours a day. This doesn't leave me much time to nurture any lasting relationships.

A few months after I started I managed to get a small apartment of my own and that was good for both Elliot and me. Elliot's evenings were usually spent with the flavour of the month girlfriend. It's not condusive to try and work when your brother is noisily in the throws of passion in the bedroom. I tried to keep my liasons restricted to the weekends but I couldn't relax knowing he was there. Once I got my own place I found that I could find enough women who didn't mind a one night stand no strings attached unless they were around her wrists. They usually played along adding to the fun; I wasn't with them enough to have to explain my true reason.

No strings, no emotions, no hurt feelings. I suppose I became insular or I was in the first place. I don't know but it was just what it was a fuck to meet my needs like eating and drinking. Relieving the tension after a hard week at work.

######

When I arrived home to my apartment that evening I was pissed off to find the press outside waiting for me. Fucking cameras and microphones in my face; firing questions at me, did I have a girlfriend, who was I currently dateing and the best, the one that made me laugh in there faces,"Are you gay Mr. Grey?"

I just pushed and elbowed my way through and gave them nothing.

Next day I put a bid in for a new apartment with an under ground garage that had security. And I realised I was going to have to be more careful when I had a date, to maintain my privacy and theirs. My lawyers suggested I got them to sign an prevented anyone selling a story to the press. _Fuckin' hell._

#######

I did find however that I felt closer to my parents; I was beginning to feel the love they had for me. Not that at times I still felt unworthy but that feeling was gradually disappearing. The more I became successful the more I felt closer to me as they supported my actions; I knew I wasn't causing them pain.

I know that when mom hugged me there is no tension no stress for me and she is so happy that she is able to be a mom to me. As with Elliot and Mia I can forget for the most part that she and dad are not my birth parents.

My nightmares come very rarely now, usually when I'm stressed and over tired. When they do occur they are just as vivid as wheni was a child. And it takes two or three days to get the image out of my mind.

When I moved into the new apartyment it was so much bigger that I was able to fit a Stienway concert grand into it very comfortably. When I was sressed or worrying over some deal I could loose myself in the music and things would become clearer.


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi all hope you had a happy Easter. Thanks for reading.**

Chapter 16.

The next couple of years my business really takes off. More acquisions mergers and developments my mom thinks I have the Midas touch as I'm making money hand over fist. But it's not that, I'm just fucking genius at what I do. My dad has come to terms with the fact I won't get my degree from Harvard. But as I tell him, neither did Bill Gates.

I have to employ so many people to work for me now that I commissioned Elliot to build me a twenty story office block in Seattle.

We relaunch under a new banner Grey Enterprises Holdings. With new logo, mission statement and an ever growing portfolio. I have my mom cut the ribbon when we open for business at Grey House. She is so proud.

Just before my twenty-fourth birthday. I'm sitting in my office going through GEH's finances. I want to buy a new apartment; the penthouse suite at Escala in down town Seattle, so I'm number crunching. I know I can afford it but I have been spending rather heavily just lately. As I go down the figures I frown these can't be right, can they? I call Johnson my director of finances.

"You wanted to see me Mr. Grey?"

"Yes, just checking that these numbers are correct." I turn my laptop round so that he can see the screen.

Johnson peers at closely at the spreadsheets displayed.

"Yes sir they are correct" he smiles at me indulgently he is older than me and sort of reminds me of my dad.

Fuck Me! I'm a billionaire!

That's how I come to wake up one morning in the penthouse suite at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel with a freight train in my head and a girl asleep in the bed beside me.

Elliot had insisted that I have a party to celebrate. All the family and a few good friends and some of my executive staff were there and the champagne had flowed freely at Elliot's expense. After the parents had left Elliot, the guys and I carry on partying sad to say I can't remember much.

The girl, whoever she is stretches her arm out and across my chest; a searing pain like a red hot knife shoots through me, causing me to jerk away from her pushing her arm away. Sitting on the edge of the bed, panting, I see that I have not disturbed her and she sleeps on.

My head is pounding, my mouth feels like shit, and I feel nauseous. But despite the agony I'm in I see two used condoms on the floor beside the bed; so we must have fucked at some time. Clever old me being able to get it up, crap I don't remember.

As I stoop to pick up the condoms I nearly topple over as my head spins, whoops, steady there boy.

I stagger to the on-suite bathroom, find my toothbrush and clean my teeth as I pee. That feels a little better. The shock of the cold water as I hit the shower clears my head effectively waking me up though my head is still pounding and the sound of the water is echoing around making my eyes water. I don't linger long as I can't bear the noise.

As I dry off I catch a glimpse of my back in the mirror on the wall behind me reflecting onto the mirror over the sink.

I blink and angling to get a better view I can see long scratches across my shoulder blades, _fucking finger nail scratches!_

I've never, ever had scratches on my back!

It can only mean one thing; I was too drunk to feel anything. Now there's a revelation.

With a towel wrapped around my waist I go back into the bedroom; sleeping beauty is still sleeping. I find my overnight bag and dress in sweatpants and a tee shirt.

Then very quietly, cos every footfall feels like an earthquake, I go into the lounge area.

Elliot is sitting on the couch, his head back, eyes closed, nursing a cup of coffee in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He gestures to the dining table at the back of the spacious lounge,

"Coffee, water, Advil, and breakfast if you want it, on the table. And please don't make so much bloody noise."

"Stop shouting." I retort as I creep over to the table.

I down a full glass of water and three Advil refill my glass and with a large cup of coffee, retrace my steps and join him on the couch.

We sit in silence our heads back and eyes closed taking alternate sips of coffee and water. Gradually, the pounding in my head eases off, the nausea passes. I manage to put my cup and glass down on the table. And gently take Elliot's cup and glass off him as he has fallen asleep, mouth open snoring, slight frown between his eyes.

His curly blond hair is sticking up like a 70's afro, like me, he's in sweats and tee shirt.

When we booked into the Fairmont three days ago, we had a plan; dinner with the family, get rid of them, then onto a bar to party with the friends. Back to hotel room, sleep, get up crack of dawn and hit the gym.

Well we managed the dinner and the bar after that…I have no idea. And now it's more like the crack of noon and here we I am nursing the worst hangover since Harvard. And I have interviews at two. And I still feel like crap; I need to eat.

I'm just trying to persuade myself to get up, when I hear the bedroom door open.

I manage to open one eye and there in the door way stands my bed mate, stark naked.

I gesture with my finger,

"En suite, bathrobe behind the door." then close my eyes and rest my head back.

Elliot stirs and sits up straight. Takes the glass of water and drinks greedily.

"Was I dreaming or did I really see a naked woman come out of your room?"

"Not dreaming." I murmur. "Is there one in your room?"

He just nods. Well I guess we both got laid.

"Do you know who they are?" he asks

"Not a fuckin' clue" then we are silent again.

The next thing I know, the girl; whoever she is, straggles my lap. I swallow trying to focus and my dick rises in salute to her _good morning to you too._

We look at each other for a long few seconds; she really has very nice eyes, hair, breasts, waist, belly button, and very brief panties. I hitch her legs up further round my waist and manage to stand without staggering carry her across the room into the bed room and toss her on the bed. Yes a little exercise will clear my head.

An hour or so later Jane, that's her name, and I immerge to an empty lounge; the sounds from the other bedroom are unmistakable. How on earth we didn't hear them last night is a mystery.

I ring down for more coffee and fresh toast. And we sit at the table drinking water, until room service.

"So," she says looking at me curiously, "which one are you?"

"Sorry." frowning at her.

"Are you Christian or Elliot?"

"Christian, I'm Christian. Didn't you know?"

"Well we knew you were the Grey brothers. But we are relatively new in town so we didn't know what you looked like. Of course we've seen your pictures in the news papers but not either of you separately."

I laugh ruefully "You've obviously been looking at the wrong papers."

"Why?"

"If you read the financial times I'm in there quite a lot; on my own."

"Wow you're _that _Christian Grey." she sounds incredulous.

"'fraid so." I grin. Then a thought occurs to me. Did some smart arse hire these two…

She sees my face and she knows what I'm thinking. She takes my hand and squeezes it shaking her head, "No we're not hookers, or call girls; just two art students out looking for a good time in a bar. And we come across these two hot guys partying so we thought we'd join in. I hope you don't mind"

"Not at all I hope I gave you a good time. Though to be perfectly honest, I can't remember much. I hope I behaved myself, my mom would be upset if we weren't gentlemen" I grin lasciviously, raising my eyebrows. Jeez I sound like Elliot, bad influence.

She laughs out loudly. "You were the perfect gentleman. Your mom needn't worry. Though you did keep going on about tying my hands. What's that all about?"

I rub my nose, what to say, "It's a little game I like to play. Did I tie your hands?"

Just then, there is a knock on the door and room service is here. At the same time Elliot and his lady friend decide to join us so we order more coffee and toast.

After we've eaten, I gather my stuff together ready to leave; Jane follows me and goes into the en-suite to shower. When she comes back into the bedroom, dressed in the fluffy robe, she stands in front of me her hands on my shoulders,

"I take it you're leaving, will I see you again?"

"I don't know I'm quite a busy man. Last night was a one off I don't party that much." I tell her running my hands through my hair feeling very awkward, not at all CEO like.

"I see so casual affairs are more your style like me. If we cross paths again can we get it together?"

I grin at her with relief. "Sure why not? Look you don't have to leave stay; use the spa facilities have lunch you and your friend. I don't know what Elliot is doing now but I have work to do so I have to get back. Don't worry about the bill it's sorted. And thank you for your company it was great." and with that I kiss her cheek and I'm out of there.

I take a taxi back to Escala, as I don't have my car and any way I'm sure I'm not fit to drive.

#########

I just make it back in time to meet with a Mrs. Gail Jones who if we both agree is going to be my housekeeper.

Mrs. Jones is a very pleasant woman in her mid thirties who in some respects reminds me of my mom. She is very smartly dressed in a navy blue skirt and jacket with a creamy silk blouse. She has blue eyes that seem to be smiling even when our conversation is serious and honey blond hair in a chignon.

She has excellent references and I like her immediately. I feel very comfortable in her presence which is unusual for me as I tend to be wary of strangers.

I show her the staff quarters then leave her to look around in her own time.

She can start immediately and she suggests that she cooks me dinner so that I can judge her skills.

"That would be great," I tell her "There is very little food in stock, I'm afraid, I was planning on eating out; but if you would cook dinner it would suit me better as I have some work to do. Are you staying in town?"

"I'm booked into a hotel for the night; and depending how things went today either go back to my sisters in Portland or stay until you were ready for me to start."

"You can move into the staff quarters whenever you want, to night, if you feel comfortable. In the meantime you may want to shop for food as I say there's very little in the fridge; I err, don't cook myself. My mom will tell you I'm hopeless in the kitchen, toast and cereals are about my limit. Here is a contract, with salary details and so on. There is a GEH credit card for you to use for what ever you think necessary for the apartment; and a key to the blue Saab in the garage. That's for your use while you work for me. Take your time, read the contract and if you are in agreement, we'll have a month's trial. I'm sure you will have questions so if that's alright with you, we can discuss them after dinner. Around seven?"

"Thankyou Mr. Grey. I'm sure will get on fine I'll do just as you say for today, move tomorrow and we'll see how we get on. If during the course of the evening, you could let me have an outline of your time table, you know what time you would like breakfast, lunch, dinner. Your likes and dislikes and any food allergies you may have; it would be useful"

And just like that, I have hired myself a house keeper who in later years became almost like family.

########

I didn't think about my night with Jane until I woke in the early hours of the morning finding myself shouting and sweating from the reoccurring nightmare.

_Shit! _

I hadn't had a nightmare for ages, just when I think I'm getting over them suddenly they're back.

I get up and go into the bathroom and wash my face trying to wash away the fear I'm always left with. As I'm drying myself, once again, through the mirrors I notice the scratches on my back; they have faded since this morning, but still noticeable. As I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep. I wondered why I didn't freak out when Jane touched me, the only conclusion I can come up with is that I was just too drunk to notice. I'll talk to my shrink about it, not that I think it will give me a solution but at least it's someone to tell as I won't tell dad or mom for obvious reasons and although Elliot and I talk about allsorts of crap; he would go to town on me having scratches on my back.

#######

Things continue very well for a while. I make more deals acquire a ship yard. Sponsor Washington State University research project into soil sciences, crop growth to feed the impoverished people. Get my helicopter pilots licence. And buy myself a helicopter for my birthday! Excuse; It's quicker to fly to certain meeting than to drive. Who I'm I kidding it's my favourite toy!

One morning, I'm in my office at GEH and Andrea Parker, my PA, tells me I have a phone call from a Mrs. Holdsworth. I don't know a Mrs. Holdsworth do I?

"What does she want?"

"She says she is a friend of your mothers and she wants to discuss some donation to a charity she is involved with" Andrea says sighing. Yes another one.

"Ok put her through." if she is a friend of moms it's probably Coping Together. Well I'm already involved with that. So I suppose it's a spin off.

"Good Morning, Christian Grey."

Then I can feel my blood run cold, all the nerves in my body stand on edge as the room closes in on me.

"Hello Christian, its Elena Lincoln here."


	17. Chapter 17

**Love the feed back. I really look forward to your reviews and posts so keep 'em coming. Thankyou. **

Chapter 17

Once the room stops spinning and I resist going and throwing up in the bathroom. I manage to choke out" When did you get out?"

"Oh Christian is that the way to greet an old friend."

The wave of nausea is threatening to come to fruition and I'm starting to get up from my chair the phone is on its way to the cradle.

"How was Jane did she please you?" that's it I drop the phone and bolt into the bathroom.

Once I pull myself together a bit I call my dad.

"When did Elena Lincoln get out?" I'm yelling at him but I can't help it.

"Christian please calm down. How did you know she's out?"

I close my eyes and nip the bridge of my nose trying to ward off the fit of panic that's threatening to over take me.

"She just called me here in my office. Dad I want a restraining order on her; she is to come no where near me or I swear to god I won't be responsible."

"Calm down, for crying out loud, Christian. Firstly, I didn't know she was out; I'll find out the terms of her parole. But she is of no threat to you, you know that."

"Oh I don't know so much about that, she rang the office giving a false name, so she does intend making contact." as I say that the other thing she said to me suddenly flashes through my mind.

" _How was Jane" Oh fuck!_

"And… I think she was responsible for the girls Elliot and I spent Saturday night with. "

I can heat dad sighing down the line,

"When are you two going to stop behaving like teenagers and learn to keep it in your pants? "

"Dad what can I do to keep her away, out of my life?"

"As I said I'll try and get a restraining order but as yet she has offered no threat so it's not likely. If she does continue to harass you we will be better placed to do something. Leave it with me and I'll find out all I can. You alright son?"

"I guess so; it was a shock to hear her voice though. What has it been? Barely ten years how she get out so fast."

"I don't know son, but rest assured, I'll find out"

After I have finished talking to dad I ring Elliot.

"Hi bro, how's it hangin?"

"To the left and longer than your's." I laugh at our stupid greeting; we've been saying this for as long as I can remember.

"Elliot, the girl you were with Saturday night…"

"Wow yes!"

"Did you know her before Saturday?"

"No just a bar pick up like you. Why?"

"Did you take them home, or drop them off in town?"

"Dropped 'em off in town. What's up bro?"

The nausea sweeps over me again and a cold shiver runs down my spine.

"Because I think they were sent to us by Elena Lincoln."

There is a silence on the line broken only by my brother's intake of breath. Then barely audible, "That bitch is out?"

"It appears so; she rang my office today and asked how Jane was"

"Shit! Should we get checked out?"

"How the fuck do I know? I did use protection, did you?"

"Course I did. But what the hell is the bitch up to do you think?"

"She probably just wants to screw with my mind. I'm going to get Welsh to check her out see what he can find out. Did you find out anything about the girl you were with?"

"Not a lot, new in town, art student looking for a good time, no strings attached. Didn't arrange another date, you?"

"No same. I'll get Welsh to go to the Fairmont see if the barman knows anything. Elliot, look out for her. I've got a feeling she's trouble for us."

"Sure bro. does dad know?"

"Yes I spoke to him earlier. Look I need to get on, just, just watch your back Elliot."

########

"Andrea, get Welsh and ask him to come to my office." She knows that tone of voice my "do it now" voice.

While I'm waiting for Welsh I pace the office pulling at my hair desperately trying to think of a way to get that woman out of my life. She tormented me as a teen by trying to control me. The bitch certainly wasn't going to get in my head now. What the fuck is her game? What information did those girls get on Elliot and me? Did they have or the photos, videos tape recordings? A whole barrage of questions careering through my head. And the biggest question how the fuck do I stop her?

"Welsh, I want you to find a couple of girls for me" _not very subtle Grey._

He looks at me in amazement. His eyebrows reaching to his hairline.

"For what purpose, sir?"

And I realise how it must sound. I motion him to sit and I take my seat behind my desk.

I give him a brief outline of Mrs. Lincoln's background and how my family had exposed her. Then explained our weekend at the Fairmont and the phone call I received this morning.

"I need to know if these girls have any sort of blackmail material they could have gathered whilst they were with Elliot and me. I need to know if they have sold anything to Mrs. Lincoln. Oh and I want her traced as well."

"I will need a name or at least some sort of description of the girls."

"Ah well," and I find myself feeling very embarrassed. Not a good thing for CEO to have to admit to his staff that he has been literally caught with his pants down.

Welsh is an ex special forces; has seen the world in the most unforgiving places Iraq, Bosnia, Africa ,so I'm sure he know what lads of my age get up to. But I'm still blushing to have to admit _my _indiscretion.

He is also my head of security. He is very good at finding any information I require. In business information, call it doing my homework, is often a major factor in acquiring and merging ailing companies. By learning all there is to know I have the upper hand, the controlling hand. And have controlled my life since I was fifteen. Saying no to Elena Lincoln was the first step. Refusing to be drawn into the hard core BDSM was the second.

However, my main concern is what Mrs. Bitch Lincoln is up to. And Welsh is the man who can help me.

Welsh gives me that sort of look my dad has, boys will be boys. Rolling his eyes.

"Her name is Jane, about 5' 5" slim build, brunette, hazel eyes. Has small tattoo, butterfly, right upper arm. That's as much as I can tell you. I don't remember what she was wearing. And I don't remember anything at all about the girl Elliot was with. I'll give him a call and he can tell you what he knows about her."

"And you met them at the Fairmont? You didn't pick them up anywhere else?"

"No, we didn't go anywhere else…" then a thought occurs to me: how in hell did Lincoln know we were at the Fairmont!

"Welsh, she knew we were there, Lincoln, she sent them there. Only the party guests knew. And it wasn't arranged until two days before!"

"It looks as though she has been watching you."

"What do you need Welsh? Get more men if you need to. I want her found and stopped before she does any damage."

"I think you need to consider having a CPO to watch your back, sir. In the position you are in, you're open to any number of attacks, blackmail, kidnapping, who knows? Did you see this mornings news papers? You've made headlines again Financial Times has reported you are a billionaire and at your age that is quite a fete so you've made the tabloids too. You are at risk!"

I stare at him disbelievingly, _who me? _

"Do you really think so?" I can't get a grip of this.

"Yes sir, I do. I will trace these girls and put a watch out for the Lincoln woman. But I want you to have a CPO, if only to get you in and out of your car, the paparazzi are already at the main entrance waiting for you. And considering what the headlines are, they will continue to hound you. If there are picture of you and your brother from the other night out there they'll will pay highly for them: then it will be a feed fest for them."

And that is how I came to have Jason Taylor in my life.

Jason Taylor was a 6'6" giant of a man. But for all his size he is not outwardly muscular. He is the soul of discretion his face hardly ever gives away what he is thinking. And although I am over 6 foot and keep myself fit; he always makes me feel safe.

He is also good at internet research so it didn't take Welsh and him long to find the two girls. Thanks to the manager at The Fairmont allowing them to watch the CCTV footage of the bar where the girls had approached us.

And running a facial recognition program; they found they both had records for prostitution.

Taylor sort them out at their apartment and brought them to an office he rented in the suburbs.

I met them there one afternoon about a week after Lincolns call. With a little bit of bribery, $3000 each I got the information I wanted. Taylor had them sign an NDA and sent them on their way.

So now I had ammunition to get that woman off my back.

I anxiously waited for the pictures to hit the press bit nothing happens. So I'm on edge all the time which doesn't do my temper any good at all and my immediate staff walk on egg shells waiting for me to blow.

#############

I had Taylor on full alert in the early hours of one morning when he hears me shouting. He crashes into my bedroom gun drawn thinking I'm being attacked and finds me thrashing about in the throws of a nightmare. His sudden entrance brings me out of it; but I feel all kinds of foolish. I am letting this woman get to me and I realise I have to get a grip.

I invite Taylor to sit and have coffee with me at the breakfast bar and we discuss what we are going to do. For him to understand what is happening I have to fill him in as to why she is a threat to me and my family.

"So you think she is out for revenge."

"I can see no other reason for her to contact me the way she did. Or to get photos of me with a known prostitute. She paid the girls to come on to Elliot and me Taylor. Why did she do that; if not to blackmail me in some way?"

"What about your parents, do they know about the girls?"

"They know Elliot and I are far from celibate they also know that we don't need to use prostitutes. Short relationships and one night stands are more our scene."

"So they would be a bit upset if they saw photos of you and your brother."

"They'd be more upset if they were plastered all over the tabloids. I don't suppose it would do mine or Elliot's reputations any good."

"No sir, it wouldn't but you have the fact that you are both young men sowing wild oats so you probably are forgiven. Remember they can't publish anything that is too graphic. You rolling around naked in bed is not going to cause too great a scandal these days. What we have to do is find her and get the photos from her. In the meantime, you need to be very careful who you hook up with."

"Hell Taylor, it's only a few weeks ago the press had me stamped as gay. Because I don't openly parade women around with me; I _am_ careful. We have to find the bitch. I know you and Welsh are doing your best. Have you got a trace on my incoming calls in case she phones in again?"

"Yes sir we have. I do suggest you tell your parents what has developed, both of you. So they are prepared."

"There are some clubs in and around Seattle, BDSM, meeting places, where you might be able to get some information as to her whereabouts. Though I wouldn't have thought she would be stupid enough to go there considering what she did time for." I offer thoughtfully. Taylor's hard stare is quite intimidating…

I smile ruefully at him, "I dabbled when I was at Harvard and when I first came back. I'm not into hard core stuff but I do like to play. I haven't been near any clubs since my name hit the papers. Honestly Taylor I keep a very low profile when it comes to my private life. And I can assure you, that is the last time I will get too drunk to know what I'm doing."

He gives me an impassive look, "Oh be rest assured, sir, it will not happen again; not on my watch. My job is to protect you even from yourself if I have to"

"Great, my parents will be pleased." I reply sardonically. There are drawbacks to being a billionaire.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

A/N. Help! I'm blocked I can't make my mind up what to do with Elena. Every thing I think of seems to have been done before. So what do you think should happen?


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry folks, one of my new readers told me that the chapters were all mixed up. This was after my trying to edit a chapter. I'm just no good at this stuff you know. Well trying to put all right and not managing, I decided that the best way (for me) was to delete the lot and start again. So that's what's happened. I'm sorry because I've lost all your encouraging reviews and posts. But I know that you have posted them and I am grateful.**

**And wouldn't you just know it; I still haven't filled in the missing word (NDA) in chapter fifteen though it's here on the original draft.**

**Mind you it's not surprising; this is the girl who managed to delete the sound system from my laptop. LOL my daughter beat her head against the wall in frustration.**

**I hope you find this chapter to your satisfaction. Thank you for all your ideas it seemed as though you all wanted me to bring her down. So here goes.**

Chapter 19.

It took several weeks for Mrs. Lincoln to make her move. And when she did my mom dad, Elliot, Taylor, Welch and I nearly laughed ourselves silly.

It hadn't taken Welch and Taylor long to find out where she was living and we kept a careful eye on her activities along with the same PI from dad's firm who helped catch before. I mean we wouldn't want her to break the terms of her parole now would we.

My dad told us that she was on the list of paedophiles and sex offenders.

And all her assets had been taken by the state so we knew money was going to be a problem, unless her ex-husband was willing to support her.

It was during these weeks, I found that I was talking more freely with my family than I'd ever done before. Not just about my business, talking to them on those lines is easy, but talking to them on a more personal level, letting people see my inner self is difficult. I don't feel I have to put up the barriers on my emotions anymore; we laugh and yes cry together. When my grandfather died I didn't feel on the outside of their grief but very much a part of it. Hell, I was even able to tolerate my aunt hugging me for about a second which is something I have never before been able to do.

I hadn't seen a therapist much in the last couple of years since leaving Harvard. But since Elena reared her ugly head I began having anxiety attacks and the dreams had become more frequent. I told my mom and dad and they felt that although on the whole, I was getting better they didn't want me to regress because of the memories stirred up by her of my teens. They encouraged me to make more frequent appointments and any way, some times it was just good to talk to someone who is impartial and isn't appalled by my life style, in fact he is the only person who knows about my life style.

I had met John Flynn when my previous therapist retired. I like him he never seems phased by what ever I tell him. I suppose being British accounts for his calm demeanour.

It is because of him that I am finding it easier to relate to my folks. He takes a more unusual method; preferring his patient to look forward into the future. Solution Focused Brief Therapy= SFBT.

As he said; my past has been examined over and over the past twenty years. Now it was time to look to my future. To decide where I want to be in say, three years; in terms of my personal feeling and my reluctance to form any emotional attachments to people. Starting with my family. This business with Elena Lincoln was the perfect opportunity for me to include them in what ever methods we use to bring her down. But more importantly to ask for their moral support which in the past it had been difficult for me to do.

###########

She had the Gaul to actually make an appointment to see me at Grey House.

When Andrea came into my office to tell me she had been trying to ward off a Mrs. Holdsworth for three days she thought she had better come and ask me if I would see her if only to get her off her back.

It was the call we had been waiting for. I had Welch bug my office and Taylor on stand by outside. We also informed her parole officer and she was most interested; and of course the police.

I couldn't believe she was being so blatant; she must have thought I was still the gullible kid I was at fifteen. Or she had something on me that would expose and discredit me.

Andrea showed her in and being the professional company we are. Offered coffee and a comfortable seat. I sit behind my desk.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Lincoln what can I do for you today?"

"Hello Christian how well you look and haven't you done well for yourself." she purrs at me._ God I must have been desperate back then. She looks positively freakish now._

Prison hasn't done anything for her. She looks to have aged twenty years. My mom looks so much younger than her. She is however, slim, elegantly dressed; her hair and make up are immaculate.

"Thank you. " I say keeping my voice steady; I am in my CEO persona "I'm afraid I have to attend a meeting across town very soon, so I can't give you much time. So can we get to the point? "

"The point is Christian; you owe me ten years of my life." She points a long coral painted finger at me. "And you are going to give me a million dollars to set up a beauty salon."

"You want me to set you up in the beauty salon business! Sure, where do you want to start Outer Mongolia, Sahara Desert, North Pole, South Pole?"

She looks at me her lip curling at me contemptuously.

"You may scoff Christian but I could ruin you in a minute".

"What! With a few grainy photos of two people semi naked on a bed! Don't make me laugh. What you don't realise Mrs. Lincoln that I could make sure that your miserable arse wouldn't see the light of day again. You know a word here or there and pouff! You're gone. You may think you have power over me, but I have money and resources way beyond anything that you can do."

"What about when you were fifteen?"

"What about then; do you have photos of that time too? Well you do realise, don't you, that I have names of other young kids who where in your clutches, not minors but not consenting adults either, who are now willing to come forward to testify, they will land your sorry arse back in jail.

This time I will prosecute and sue you. You know, pain and suffering, trauma years of therapy. I'm not scared of people knowing what I suffered as a child anymore. In fact I think I will tell my story, your name will be dragged further through the mud for corrupting a minor. I could bring your husband down at the same time. Because I know all about his little tax evasion schemes."

She gasps and the entire colour drains from her face.

I curl my lip in a contemptuous sneer.

"What, did you think I was still the fucked up person I was back then? I was strong enough to turn you in then;" I lean forward looking her straight in the eye. "And believe me Mrs. Lincoln, I am even stronger now"

I stand walk across my office and open the door, "Taylor! Will you escort this person to the police and her parole officer who are waiting in the conference room? I want to charge her with blackmail. Goodbye Mrs. Lincoln."

_Seattle _N_ooz._

_Mrs. Elena Lincoln, former Seattle socialite was last night and taken to hospital following a suicide attempt. She was found in her cell by prison warders having taken an over dose of barbiturates. She is recovering n a secure wing of the psychiatric unit in the hospital._

_If readers will recall, Mrs. Lincoln was imprisoned ten years ago convicted of leading a child pornography ring and the corruption of several under aged boys._

_She was released three months ago on parole; but it seemed that she had not learned her lesson. She attempted to blackmail Mr. Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings. Who was a victim of Mrs Lincoln's when he was fifteen. It was Mr Grey's father who secured the evidence leading to Mrs. Lincoln's first conviction. This further strike against the Grey family appeared to be out of revenge._

_She will perhaps learn this time that you don't mess with the Grey's_

_Mr. Christian Grey, 25, started Grey Enterprises Holdings some four years ago. He is reported to have personal assets amounting to approximately a billion and half dollars._

_Not only that ladies he is very good looking too, I mean I wouldn't throw him out of my bed on a cold night, would you?_

_Mitzy King Seattle Nooz._


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you all for being so understanding regarding my having to repost all **

**the previous chapters. And most of all for sticking with me on this story, I am really humbled by your attention. Having said that, your reviews keep me going so please carry on.**

**All rites belong to E.L. James.**

Chapter 20.

"Well "says Mia, "I'm pleased the Nooz is on the ball." she has just read the article on her Ipad.

"Yea great that's all I need, more publicity. At least you'd think they'd get their facts right. I 'm worth twice as much as that" I say grinning at there open mouthed faces.

Mia, Elliot and I have met for lunch at Starbucks in the Pike Place Market. It's sort of a farewell lunch as Mia is flying out to Paris, France with mom and dad this evening. She is off to study cooking under some renowned chef. I'm a bit sceptical I think it's more about shopping in those Parisian boutiques, and eating in high class restaurants than learning to cook.

It's a warm sunny day and the view of Puget Sound and mount Olympia is spectacular. As usual the place is crowded with shoppers, tourists and office workers getting a bit of fresh air before they go back into their air conditioned officers.

We are sitting at a table outside and although it's very pleasant out in the fresh air;

I am just about ready to run, the people who recognise me and openly stand and gawp is getting to me. I have had four offers from women wanting to date, be photographed and generally letting me know they are available. It won't be long before the press turn up; fortunately Taylor is only a seat away watching my back.

"You know we aught to have lunch in your office Christian we're not going to get any peace here" Elliot too is beginning to feel a bit exposed with all the attention we are getting.

"Aw do we have to?" pouts Mia. Just as a camera flashes in front of us and we see a bevy of reporters racing towards us.

I give Taylor the nod and he mutters something into his sleeve. He comes nearer to us to shield us from the onslaught. Elliot and I get Mia between us and we hurry to the kerb as my black Audi SUV pulls up. Taylor opens the door and we all pile in the back as Taylor gives a push to one reporter, telling him to back off then climbs into the front with Reynolds another of my CPOs; and we're out of there.

Mia starts combing her hair and checking her make up,"Oh I look such a fright and they took pictures" she wails. Elliot and I just roll our eyes.

"Damn, if I'd known I was going to be hounded by the press, I'd have worn my best hard hat. What will people think?" Elliot is patting his hair in place, and talking in a breathy, girly voice. Mia elbows him in his ribs. And we crack up laughing.

It's been like this for months now: first it was the arrest, then the subsequent further sentencing of Elena Lincoln, following her escapade in my office. We did hand over all the evidence we obtained during our investigations plus the statements of several more teenaged boys she had been associated with before her first arrest. The sick woman had already got another sub, since her release! The young man was barely out of his teens.

The trail was well publicised bringing up all sorts of questions about the parole system and the sex offenders register not being diligent.

Just as the mayhem from that was settling down and I was beginning to feel less conspicuous, the paparazzi finally finding other interests; the damned woman makes a suicide bid. And here we go again the fucking press hanging outside Escala and the office.

Unfortunately, the whole debacle has also brought an embarrassing amount of interest from my family regarding my sexual practices. I have had to reassure mom and dad _and Mia _that I am not into that scene at all; but I think Elliot is more astute and is not buying it.

Flynn asked if I was keeping the truth from them for my benefit or my family's. I really couldn't answer him. But I did give the matter a lot of thought over the next few days following his question and at my next appointment when he asked the same question I told him I thought it was both;

"To be honest John, I don't feel that it is any of their business what I get up to in my bedroom. What I and whomever I'm with indulge in is consensual, and not extreme I couldn't inflict pain and humiliation on anyone, I certainly wouldn't get any satisfaction from it. But by the same token, I don't want my family to think I'm some sort of deviant; I suppose I fear they will despise me if they thought I was living that sort of lifestyle. I don't want to hurt them; I don't want them to abandon me because of what I am."

"Why do you use the word "abandon"?" He threw the question quite suddenly catching me off my guard.

"Did I?" He was watching me intently I tried to formulate an answer. I'd used the word unconsciously and he knew it, I knew it and I couldn't account for it.

"You certainly did. I think that abandonment is your deepest fear Christian; I don't think that you realise it or not but it is there deep down."

"Of course you are now going to tell me it's because my mother abandoned me as a child" I go into defensive mode; I don't want to talk about this, not now, not ever. It's just too painful a memory and I've been down this road before.

"No, I'm not because you already know, what I want to do is to reassure you that is not going to happen. Your parents have stuck by you through out this whole sorry business with Elena Lincoln. They have never had any thoughts that you brought it on yourself; that in fact you were the victim. They will understand, however, that as a teenager you found some aspects exciting and that possibly, you continue to still enjoy some of the "kinkier," for want of a better word, aspects. You have reassured them that you don't indulge in hard core BDSM, and you are right, it is your own affair what you do behind closed doors."

"What do you suggest I tell them when they start worrying again?"

"What ever you want to tell them, it is as you say none of there business. But you should continue to reassure them that you are not hurting anyone. I'll let you into a secret Christian, lots of people like to spice their sex lives up with a little kink." he gives me a cheeky smile, "I'll bet even your parents."

"John please give me a break, I don't want that picture in my head." I shudder horrified, "for fucks sake does anyone want an image of their parents having sex!"

"Exactly, your folk think the same about you, you are their child and as a parent myself, I can assure you I don't want to think of my children, especially my daughter, having sex. No Christian, all they want to know is that you haven't become as depraved as Elena Lincoln."

"Elliot wants to know if I have any little tricks up my sleeve." I rub my nose trying not to smirk.

He grins right back "Ah well that's for his own benefit, don't you think?"

"I guess so" I laugh.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Standing looking out of the floor to ceiling window at the grey miserable day outside, my mood is equally charm less and I don't know why. Perhaps I have too much too soon. I have worked hard over the past seven years to achieve what I have, far more than I anticipated. So where is the next stage of my life going, what shall I do next?

Despite all that I have I feel something is missing; a void within me that is not filled with possessions.

I read today that I rate 21 on the Forbes list as one of the richest men in America; Zuckerberg tops me by a couple of billion. So what? He and I are most likely the youngest on that list. So we have risen fast in a short time.

So what happens next, should I take a couple of years out, tour the world? Work for UNESCO in Africa, doing what? I can supply them with money to help develop but I don't have to go to Africa physically to do that. And I do spend an inordinate amount of time, and money trying to get food and supplies there. It's a nightmare in it's self with the rules and regulations not to mention the pirates always trying to highjack the freighters.

As I'm pondering on this I remember I have to WSU in Portland in a couple of weeks to present the graduating school with their diplomas. That will be toil of a pleasure I groan to myself. But I am very interested in the work their farming division does on crop research. In fact I give a grant to enable them to continue with their development. It's because of that they invited me to glad hand the graduation ceremony; PR tells me its good publicity for GEH. The only advantage I personally can see is I get to fly my helicopter down there.

I pick the phone, and dial Elliot's number. He answers after a couple of rings;

"Hi, bro how's it hanging?" _can't he think of some other way to greet me?_

"Just as usual. Say do you want to hang out tonight?"

"Mmm, don't know, I may have a date. Any special reason?"

"No, I just feel like a night on the town, out of town if you know what I mean."

"No I don't know what you mean, out of town,"

"Well we could take Charlie Tango, fly down to Portland, and stay over at the Heathman until I'm sober enough to fly us back tomorrow evening in time for moms birthday dinner"

"Why Portland? What's wrong with Seattle?"

"Anonymity, folk don't know me down there, and I can give Taylor a night off"

"So you plan on getting smashed?"

"No, I plan on getting laid"

Elliot roars with laughter nearly splitting my eardrum.

"Way hey bro you're on. Shall I meet you at SEA-TAC?"

"I'll let Stephan, know and book the Heathman see you there at around five, OK?"

#######

We board the helicopter, strap in put the cans on and take off. I immediately feel better, soaring up through the sky scrapers of Seattle. Seeing the dull grey day disappearing as suddenly the clouds that have been hovering all day decide to part leaving us with a fantastic orange sunset; casting streaks of dark clouds tinted with hues of pink and gold across an azure sky. Below us the twinkling lights of the city disappear as we, as the crow flies, take off into the twilight skies to Portland. No rush hour traffic up here to worry about, no irate drivers trying to get home after a long day and eager to start their weekend; just the steady pulse of the rotors and absolute peace and freedom.

"I fucking love flying this," I tell Elliot when we are in the air "I don't know why you don't get your licence. It's a great feeling."

"Well there's a couple of reasons, A. I don't have your concentration and B, I'm not as rich as shit like you so there's no point in getting a pilots licence when I can't

Afford a helicopter; plus I'm pretty sure you won't let me fly this. But I have to admit it is bloody fantastic being up here away from the hustle."

"No I wouldn't this is _my toy"_ I grin

"Tell me why you are so eager to have a night out? It's not like you to let your hair down on a whim."

"I don't know really. I suppose I'm bored with working all the time. I felt I needed a night off away from it all"

"I've been telling you that for ages all work and no play is making Christian a dull boy. Hell, sometimes you're like an old man and you're not even thirty. You don't need to work all hours; it's not like you're going to run out of money any time soon"

"As a matter of fact, I was thinking I might put things on hold for a while and travel a bit"

"Nah! You don't want to do that."

"What should I do then?"

"Get laid, a lot. Find yourself a woman, a girl friend."

"Whatever you say Elliot."

######

Elliot POV.

My little brother is wasted. I don't know, but he is in a strange mood; everything he does is so out of the ordinary for him.

Instead of some high end restaurant we settle on a curry house, his idea, where he chokes over a vindaloo, his face as red as his hair. But manfully downs light beer to cool off then now he has got over the initial heat of the spices he thoroughly enjoys the meal.

Then _he _suggests we go and find some action at a night club. I've heard about his night clubbing experiences from his teens and time at Harvard, so I must admit I was worried where he was intent on going, I didn't want to end up in some sleazy, kinky sex club.

"Christian," I grabbed his shoulder to pull him to one side of the walkway as we head up the street, "Where are we heading, I'm not going to some kinky club with you."

He stares at me, his pale eyes look a bit out of focus then frowns and blinks; I think he's offended.

"Why do you think I want that sort of action, I'm not a fuckin' pervert you know." he shrugs my hand off his shoulder and points to a small crowd of people ahead of us.

"They are going to a student bar, they'll be music, dancing, cheep booze and with a bit of luck, some nice friendly young ladies. I'm following your plan here bro, I'm forgetting who I am and tonight, I'm just a young guy out to get trashed and possibly laid. So come on, isn't this what you normally do on a Friday night?"

Shaking my head in disbelief we follow the crowd into a noisy crowded bar.

The place is a heaving mass of humanity, flashing disco lights and loud music.

For the first time in my life I see my brother's wild side, he must have been like this all the time at Harvard; he must have been because he gets into the swing of things very quickly. He and I at first get to the bar and order beer, he asks for a bottle of water which he downs straight away, and then he has beer.

We lean on the bar and check out the crowd of students, well it's obviously not all students, and there are older folk there, so we don't feel out of place.

I spot a girl on the dance floor who really takes my fancy, a very vivacious girl with long blond hair and a figure that sets my pulses racing. She is dancing with a guy, but she is distracted, looking around her. The guy pulls her towards him his hands on her waist, obviously, trying to get her attention. She gives him a grin and links her arms around his neck pulling a face at him.

Suddenly, Christian, elbows me in the ribs, and yells in my ear," See you in a bit; I'm off for a dance."

_What Christian dancing!_

The next thing I see he's made his way over to a table on the edge of the dance area. He crouches down on his heels until he's eye level and takes the hand of a girl with dark hair and says something to her, he raises his eyebrows questioningly and gives her a tentative smile. She gives him a little shy smile back and gets up from her seat as he stands still holding her hand and they go on to the dance floor. And starts to dance and boy can my brother dance! He has a natural rhythm and moves the girl effortlessly.

When the music stops and before it morphs into another song he leads her back to the table. He's obviously offered her a drink and so comes back to the bar in the meantime the blond girl leaves the floor and joins the girl at her table they put their heads together her and have a little girly gossip. The blond looks over to Christian; he sees her looking and smiles lifts up a beer bottle and nods at her _you want one?_

She nods back smiling. _Oh thank you Christian._

"Come on bro, we've pulled." Christian smirks at me. "You take the beer I'll bring the water" He says

We spend the next couple of hours dancing and talking and flirting, you know doing girl/boy stuff with these two lovely girls; having a great time until after one dance both the girls go off to the rest rooms. Then we all come back to the bar for yet another drink. Both the girls go onto diet coke but Christian and I have another beer.

We chat away, Christian excuses himself and goes to the restroom and I wait with the girls.

"Are you guys really brothers, you're not a bit alike are you?" the blond, Kate, asks.

"We're adopted," I elaborate.

"Do you always hang out together?"

"Not so much now we are older. What about you two, did you say you are roomies?"

"Yes we have been for the last four years" the little brown haired girl states, I haven't got her name yet though I'm sure she's told us.

"But," She continues, "that will all end soon. We graduate this time then it's off into the big bad world for us."

"What are you planning on doing for the rest of your lives" Christian is back.

He asks the bar keeper for a glass of water, "Do you want another coke girls, beer Elliot?" I nod

Kate states to him, "Don't you drink a lot of water?"

"I have to I've to drive back to Seattle tomorrow. And he," he says indicating me with his thumb "won't be sober enough"

"So your plans for the future" I ask, giving him a kick. _Don't think I haven't noticed he said driving not flying._

Christian leans forward rest his hand on the brown haired girls' ass and whispers something in her ear. She turns around her eyes and mouth wide in disbelief. She takes a step away from him, then slaps his face really hard_, gees' that's gonna smart_. She turns on her heel and with her head held high, pony tail swinging she marches away.

Christian stands holding his cheek biting his lip trying not to laugh.

A/N can you guess who the brown haired girl is?


	22. Chapter 22

**Well, here it is the meeting. I hope it's satisfactory. I have used a little of the original dialogue but I'm sure as I'm writing this for fun and not profit Ms. James won't sue me for copyright infringement at least I hope not.**

**Please review and keep my spirits up.**

Chapter 22.

"**A commotion at the door brings me to my feet as a whirl of long chestnut hair, pale limbs and brown boots dives head first into my office. I roll my eyes and repress my natural annoyance at such clumsiness as I hurry over to the girl who has landed on her hands and knees on the floor. Clasping her slim shoulders, I help her to her feet.**

**Clear, bright - blue, embarrassed eyes meet mine and stop me in my tracks…." **_**E. , Meet fifty shades.**_

"Anastasia?"

She colours up as she recognises me," You!" _OMG its Mr. Potty mouth. Please get me out of here._

And for a moment we are speechless as we stare at one another. Her eyes are the most extraordinary colour, flashing with anger now-and I feel…exposed.

She shrugs my hands off her shoulders and steps back from me.

I gather my equilibrium remembering who I am, I gesture to the chair by the coffee table,

"Are you alright? Would you like to sit? Can I get you drink, coffee, water?" I am babbling now.

She pulls herself up to her full height: I notice she hardly comes up to my shoulder. Funny I had the impression she was taller.

"I'm fine, Thankyou, "and she sits still looking at me in surprise. Then she bursts out laughing shaking her head, "I am going to kill Katherine Kavanagh."_ oh good grief why didn't we recognise him? Well he looks so much older today in his sharp suit and tie. Stop looking at me with those piercing grey eyes._

I think I'm in shock because I can hardly put two words together.

"She is supposed to be researching you for this article she is writing for the student news paper; and she didn't even recognise you when we met up last week. I can't believe it" she explains incredulously.

Now _I _feel embarrassed.

"Erm, yes, I believe I owe you an apology, my brother tells me I was rather inappropriate. I am sorry truly, but I'm afraid I can't remember what I said."

She peers at me with those penetrating eyes, "You made your intensions towards me very clear and, rather crudely I might add". She says trying to sound severe, failing miserably as she is holding her laughter in.

I grimace ruefully, "That bad eh?"

"Disgusting" she smirks._ Seven shades of Sunday? Really! _

"Can we start again?" she nods and I hold out my hand, "Good afternoon, Miss Steel, I'm Christian Grey."

Her hand shake is firm but as I hold her hand a tremor runs through me, right to my groin. It's almost like an electric shock and I think she feels it too because she lets go of my hand very quickly and blushes to her hair roots, then she bits her lower lip and I inwardly groan.

Ana:_ what the! Oh no I'm blushing like a teenager! Get a Grip steel._

I sit in the chair opposite her and try and control my carnal thoughts and twitching dick.

Flash back.

Ana POV.

I don't know why I let Kate talk me into coming out tonight. I'm not really in the mood; I'd much rather be at home revising for my finals. But no Kate wants a night out and it is easier to acquiesce that have her mooning around the apartment disturbing me with music, TV, gossip ,rearranging her clothes closet and so on.

It wouldn't be so bad but she has hardly been with me all evening, dancing and flirting with first Jose, Harry, and now with Steve.

Just as I'm thinking I'll leave her to it and go home this guy saunters up to the table and crouches down on his heels and looks me straight in the eye. My heart skips a beat as I look into the pale grey eyes of the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life. I find that I feel quite breathless and my face is getting hot, my mouth dry.

"Will you dance with me, please?" his voice is a smooth baritone, warm and seductive. _Just dance! Are you sure?_

"I'd love to" I breathe.

He stands and holds my elbow to help me up which is just as well because my legs feel like jello. He is very tall, must be well over six feet, thank god I have my four inch stilettos on; even with these I'm hardly up to his broad shoulders.

"Hi, I'm Christian," if he says his surname I don't hear it I'm too mesmerised by those eyes and that smile.

"Hi I'm, Ana." thank goodness my voice is almost back to normal.

Now I'm not much of a dancer, but he is so good, he makes me feel _I _can dance as we effortlessly move around. He never takes his eyes off me, or his hands holding my waist my arm, my hands. He holds me close to his body and he smells divine, subtle cologne or after shave, freshly laundered linen and I suppose, Christian.

I feel a pang of disappointment when the music stops, the DJ having a break.

He leans forward to speak to me his mouth inches from my ear making me tingle deep inside. "Can I buy you a drink, it's very warm in here you must be thirsty."

I nod and we go over to the bar where Kate is stood talking to another tall gorgeous guy with blond curly hair and blue twinkling eyes.

He pats Christian on the shoulder, "Watcher drinking bro? Oh, this is Kate. And you are little lady? and what will you be drinking?" he smiles at me.

"Ana my name is Ana. And I'd like a glass of white wine please."

"Well, Ana "he says" this is Kate, I'm Elliot and I see you have met my brother.

Kate laughs, high pitched and very girly, she must be impressed by what she sees.

"Ana and I are room mates so we do know each other."

Christian asks for a beer and a glass of water that he drinks straight down before he starts on his beer.

We talk and laugh having a great time these two are great company. Kate is in her element getting flirty with Elliot. I can tell that Christian is probably the more reserved of the two. Well I thought he was; as time progresses, he starts to look a bit dazed and I figure he's just a bit wasted. He excuses himself to go to the men's room;

Elliot calls him a light weight, and he mutters something only Elliot can hear.

On his return, Elliot orders another round of drinks Kate and I go for coke Christian asks for water, apparently he has to drive them both back to Seattle tomorrow, but Elliot has more beer.

Christian is standing very close to me now; his hand gently stroking my back, his nose is just by my ear sending warm tingles down my spine, in my belly and other places.

"I could fuck you seven shades till Sunday" he whispers, his hand squeezing my ass.

_WHAT_! And before I realise what I'm doing I spin round and slap his face with every thing I have and storm out towards the door_._

Kate gets to me first, "Ana, what's the matter, what did he say?" she is in full protective mode now.

"It doesn't matter. I'm going home."

Elliot catches up with us, followed by a bemused looking Christian who is holding his face.

"Let us see you home, I apologise for my stupid brother, I don't know what's got into him tonight. But please let us make sure you get home safely."

"We'll be perfectly alright, thank you, we'll find a cab." I don't really know why I'm so angry with Christian, I've had worse suggestions after all but I didn't think he saw me as that kind of girl. And…I like him…a lot.

"Christian, get your act together and go and find a cab." Elliot snaps. He looks really annoyed, maybe he thought he was going to get it on with Kate. I don't know.

As it turns out, the boys put us in a cab paying the driver to take us home. And we go our separate ways, never to meet again.

##########

Christian POV.

The interview was easy enough the usual questions how I achieved so much at such a young age, my philosophy, work ethic, my family, what were my interests out side work and so on.

It wouldn't have been as interesting even if I could have concentrated, but everything about her, the way she kept tucking that errant lock of hair behind her ear, shifting in her seat, that tiny flush on her cheeks and the lip biting, the fucking lip biting was turning me on; I had to exercise a great deal of self control to stop the tent pole growing in my pants. I wished I had sat behind my desk it would have been easier to conceal. So like Anastasia I too had to keep changing positions in my chair.

I was fascinated just watching her; her clothing was cheap Wal-Mart or Old Navy and not the least bit flattering _I so could take care of you._

Not like the skinny jeans and top she was wearinglast week they really showed off her attributes, the great ass, small waist, long legs and perfect tits.

And I'm aware that I am having the same effect on her that she has on me.

She brings me back to the here and now by chuckling, I raise my eyebrows questioningly

"I don't think I need to ask you the next question, Kate has on her list." her blue eyes are so full of merriment and her wide smile is like the sun appearing after a week of rain. It fills my whole office with its brightness.

"Oh and why not? It clearly amuses you." I bit down on my forefinger to bring my salacious thoughts in order.

"In light of your, err, suggestion I believe the question - moot"

"Moot?"

"Moot" she says decisively.

"What's the question?" I ask resigned to my fate.

She blushes to her hair roots, and squirms in her seat,

"You have to understand, Mr. Grey, that these questions where compiled by Kate, not me, and she hadn't recognised who you where when we met last week"

I nod "Point taken"

She takes a deep breath, sits up straight in her seat,

"Are you gay, Mr. Grey?" she has the grace to look apologetic and bits that lip of hers again.

I sit open mouthed at the temerity of this girl. _Oh I could show you right now, take you across my knee and spank the living shit out of you then fuck you senseless on my desk. How dare she!_

"No Miss Steele I'm not. Not that it is any business of yours if I were." I snap.

"No, it's not but as I said, these are not _my _questions." she retorts.

I take a few minutes to gather my thoughts of fucking her on the desk out of my mind._ Calm down Grey._

"Are you colleagues on the student paper?"

She too has calmed herself and shakes her head; "No Kate is the editor but she was ill today so I was talked into coming in her place."

"I see, Well as you say the question is moot since we met and I made such an inappropriate suggestion. But why was Kate so curious, it doesn't have anything to do with the article she is writing does it?"

"I suppose it's Kate's journalistic tenacity; once she gets her teeth into something she doesn't let go. She Googled you, but there were no pictures of you with a girl at any of the functions you attended: you are always alone, so she thought…" she shrugs her slim shoulders and watches for my reaction with her mesmerising blue eyes.

At that moment something deep inside me shifted. I found myself unable to look away, my heart was pounding in my ears and a wave of an unknown emotion made my chest tight. We sat for a minute, an hour, a lifetime just looking at each other, neither of us capable of moving or speaking.

The spell was broken by my desk phone, alerting me to my next meeting I got up from the chair and picked up the receiver; "Andrea, I'm not quite finished here ask Barney to give me another half hour please."

She starts to pack away her digital recorder, and notes into her overlarge bag.

"Don't delay your meeting, Christian, I appreciate you're a busy man."

It's no good she can't leave yet.

"No worry, I'd like to get to know you a little. After all you asked me some personal questions."

She signs resigned, and looks questioningly her eyebrows raised.

"You graduate this year?" she smiles and nods "What's your major?"

"English literature, I just love to read." _Ahh, Bronte, Hardy and Austen I'll bet all that hearts and flowers stuff._

"What do you intend to do after graduation? What area would you like to work in, have you anything lined up?"

"No. Kate and has an internship at the Seattle Times, so we are moving to Seattle. Her dad has bought her a condo and she wants me to share it with her. I plan to apply at the publishing houses here. As I said I love to read, and hope I'll be able to get a job editing."

I haven't been paying much attention to what she is actually saying; just hearing her soft voice and watching her face as she speaks is far more absorbing.

"May I take you out to dinner tonight?"

She looks startled at my suggestion,

"I'm sorry, but I have to get back to Vancouver." and she does look disappointed.

I look out the window, it's a hell of a drive and it's raining.

"Are you sure? The roads are treacherous in this weather and it's a long drive"

"I know, but I really do have to get back, I have revising to do and I have to go to work this evening, otherwise I'd love to stay and have dinner with you. And besides I need to kill my room mate." she says grinning.

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"For not giving me information about you, then I wouldn't have asked that embarrassing question."

"Forget it we said it was a moot point anyway. Erm, could take a rain check on the dinner when you move here, please Ana I would enjoy your company."

"We'll see what how it goes Christian, but yes when I've moved. I must go now before the traffic builds up. Thankyou for the interview. "

"The pleasure was all mine."

She stands and I open the door for her and follow her into the reception area,

"Did you have a coat?"

Immediately Olivier, Andrea's assistant jumps up and fetches her coat from the nearby closet. I take it from her and hold it for Ana to put on. As I help her slip it on I touch her neck with my fingers and a quiver runs up my arm; she gasps and I realise she has felt the same sensation, she feels the same as me!

I walk her to the elevator and push the call button as we wait, I have to fight with myself not to pull her in my arm and kiss her. The urge is overwhelming, but just as I nearly loose the battle the doors ping open and she steps inside. We take a last look at each other then the doors close and she is gone and I feel bereft.


	23. Chapter 23

**Thank you to the guest reviewer who pointed out that I had spelt Olivia's name wrong. I read through every chapter before I post, do a spell and grammar check, the whole nine yards but some times I miss the most glaring of mistakes forgive me I'm only human and at 2 o'clock in the morning I'm half asleep.**

**A/N Metamorphosis Two, by Philip Glass. I referred to it in my other story, Fifty Bares his Soul. For those of you who are interested to hear this piece it can be found on You tube etc. I would like to hear if you feel as I do, that this piece reflects CG's deep seated pain.**

Chapter 23,

I'm at my piano playing Metamorphosis Two; the music is reflective of my mood; slightly discordant but with an under current of pulsing rhythm.

My head is in turmoil, it's been five days since the interview and in those five days I have not stopped thinking about her. During meetings I've been distracted; Ros had to kick me under the table the other day to get my attention. I stare for long periods at my laptop making no progress at all; the spreadsheets having no interest for me. At night instead of the usual nightmares I get when I'm stressed, I'm dreaming of very blue eyes and the way she bits her lip, waking up, breathless with the ache in my chest and as close to organism as you can get without actually coming me and the shower sharing time again, _what am I fucking fourteen? Get a grip Grey. _

There is no doubt I. Want. Her. As I play moving on to the next piece in the series, the music takes on a more forceful tempo. And a plan starts to form; I can't wait for as long as it will be before Ana and Kate move to Seattle, I have to see her now.

Tomorrow is Saturday, and thanks to Ros and Andrea, my schedule free. What to do? Shall I enlist Elliot's help; I think he liked Kate. Shall I take Charlie Tango and fly to Portland get a hire car and drive out to the place she works at,_ Hi there just passing and needed to stock up on a couple of things; didn't know you worked here, _Gah!__Lame Gray.

Wait out side her condo, university campus? No she'd think I was stalking her, well in a way I am, at least I've had Welch do a back ground check. Send her a gift, an apology for my drunken remark. God I must have been fried because I have no recollection of saying anything; no doubt I'd lost my brain to mouth filter because I know I was certainly thinking along those lines.

By the time I've finished playing I still have not found a solution as to what to do next. I call Taylor to tell him I'm going for a run; does he need to come with me? No. Yes, I'll take my phone, _what am I five? I don't need a baby sitter. Does he want to put a tracking devise on my fuckin' ankle?_

Its early evening and the streets are at the quiet stage between workers going home and revellers coming out to play. I run down Virginia Street and onto to the water front. Keep a steady pace my earplugs in place. My brain still trying to find a way of getting to see Anastasia Steele.

I run for nearly an hour completing a six mile circuit. I let Taylor know I'm back, honestly, he's worse than my parents used to be at keeping tabs on me; then hit the shower.

I'm just getting dried off when my Blackberry buzzes," Grey"

"Oh hi Christian, it's Ana Steele, do you have a minute?"

Fuck it's her, Anastasia. My whole body quivers at the sound of her voice and the whole world seems a brighter place. Hang on how did she get my number?

"Anastasia, how nice to hear from you. How did you get my number?"

"Elliot gave it to me, he's here with Kate. She and I were talking about your interview and Kate said it would be good if we had some photos of you to illustrate it. Elliot suggested we, well I phone you and ask if you would perhaps do a photo shoot for us" she says in one big breath.

What!

"Hey, slow down I didn't catch half of that." I say but inside I'm doing cartwheels.

"I'm sorry," she has obviously gathered herself together, "Kate was wondering it you would consider doing photos shoot for the student newspaper, and you know some illustrations to go with the article."

_Oh my dear Anastasia, I've been looking for an excuse_. "A few photos, I can do that if it would help. Where, when?"

"C, can you come to Portland or shall we drive to Seattle to meet you? Say tomorrow?"

"No don't drive I can fly up in the morning. Where is Elliot staying, I assume he's there for the weekend."

"Well, err, actually he's, Erm, staying with Kate."

"Of course he is," I mutter, "Well then, how about I fly down and I'll meet you all at the Heathman, or somewhere, and we all have lunch. Do you know a photographer?"

"FLY!" she squeals incredulously.

"Yes, I have a helicopter. Take me fifty minutes to get there"

"Oh my god, Kate" she calls out. And I hear muffled whispering in the background. While I grin like a fool, I'm going to see her again.

"Christian, are you still there?" Elliot is on the phone.

"Yes what's going on there?"

"I think you have just sent these two into hysterics"

So here I am the next morning piloting my helicopter down to Portland to do a photo shoot; over the moon 'cos I'm going to see Anastasia. _I hate fuckin' photo shoots._

Elliot meets me at the helipad and drives me to the Heathman.

"So have you been seeing Kate since we met that night?"

He smiles at me a salacious look in his eye.

"No, well not until later that week anyway. I came down to look at a plot of building land for a client of mine; and literally bumped into her in the street. We took it up from there. So you doing photo shoot what's with that?"

I hesitate to tell Elliot as I know he will raze me un mercifully; but on the other hand you never know he may put in a good word for me with Kate and Ana.

"You know I made an utter fool of my self that night we all met, "He nods, "Well when I'd sobered up I found she was on my mind. Then last week she comes to GEH doing an interview for Kate 'cos she had the flu. And ever since I've been trying to find an excuse to see her again."

He gives me a look of utter surprise "You have a crush on her!"

"No…yes… I don't know… I just want to spend a little time talking to her. Will you and Kate have lunch with us after the shoot; I'm only doing this to get a chance to see her." God I sound like a desperate fifteen year old.

"Sure I want to be there any way. I want to see you posing for the cat walk." he chuckles deep in his throat.

So after twenty excruciating minutes with Elliot standing behind the photographer trying to make me laugh, we all head off to have lunch.

Just as we are taking our seats Kate has a phone call from her mother telling her that her brother Ethan has been taken into hospital following a boating accident. Elliot offers to drive her there so; it's just Ana and I for lunch.

I can't take my eyes off her; she is charming and funny and all I want to do is kiss her stupid not to mention fucking her senseless.

As we talk, I reach forward to tuck that errant lock of hair behind her ear, gently brushing my fingers over her cheek, as I do our eyes lock; her head tilts into my hand allowing me to caress her cheek, my thumb brushes across her lips and we both take a sharp intake of breath as a shock wave passes between us.

A feeling wells up from the pit of my stomach, a feeling so overwhelming it's nearly painful, and my heart pounding in my chest. I can tell she feels something too because her breathing has altered and her cheeks are flushed.

"Let's get out of here," I stand taking her hand in mine we stroll out onto the street.

We have no intent or purpose other than to enjoy each others company. She lets go of my hand and threads her arm through mine, thus bringing us closer together. As she is so much closer I'm fighting my urge to put distance between us as any time soon she may touch my chest or back. But I want her close I don't want to let her go.

We made our way along the water front, and back to the Heathman.

"Shall we sit and have a drink, then maybe we should call and see how Kate's brother is doing." she suggests

"I have a suite here shall we go up or would you prefer to sit down here in the lounge?" _please come upstairs with me._

She gives me a cheeky grin, "Can I trust you?"

"When I'm sober; you know my feelings when I'm in my cups." I repost.

She meets my gaze and again I feel she looks into my very soul. _God if my heart misses any more beats today I'll be in intensive care._

"I'd love a cup of tea."

What!

She sees my puzzled look, "We'll go to your suite, and you can order me a cup of tea."

"Ok." I can hardly contain myself, down Grey, behave yourself.

As we board the elevator her proximity fires a spark between us. She turns to me her blue eyes shining in amusement, then she bites her lip. I can resist no longer, I grab her hands and hold them above her head as I push her into the wall of the elevator with the weight of my hips. Taking both her hands in one of mine I clasp her chin with the other; and I'm kissing her voraciously forcing her lips open with my tongue. She begins to respond allowing me in, kissing me back her hips gyrate with mine; and the world just melts away, there's just she and I enthralled in each other. Until the elevator pings to a stop and we have to break apart, panting hard.

I release her hands and hold her shoulders "What are you doing to me? "


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you, so much for all the reviews. I love reading them, so keep 'em coming **

**Hope you like this chapter.**

Chapter 24.

"I might ask you the same thing," she states breathily, blushing.

"I seem to spend all our time together apologising for my outrageous behaviour. Really it must be something you do because around you I can't seem to stop myself, I can't keep my hands off you"

"Don't then," she says quietly. And a thrill runs through me and settles in my dick, causing it to twitch in my pants.

As we enter the suite I excuse myself to go to the bathroom to settle things down; get myself under control. Splashing cold water on my face and washing my hands taking a lot of deep breaths.

I am adept at keeping myself under control, hiding my feelings, playing my cards close to my chest. But around Anastasia I seem to loose it. Perhaps I should just let things happen. Then I remember Susie Metcalf, may be I should play it like that, and slowly build up the trust. Let's get to know one another slowly, and stay out of elevators_. Ha! Fat chance._

Fortunately we are not left alone too long before Elliot and Kate get back. Ethan is not hurt badly I'm pleased to hear.

All through the dinner we order the air is tinged with sexual tension. Elliot wants Kate and vice versa. And Ana and I would like to be alone, although we are a lot more subtle about it.

We are about to open another bottle of wine when my blackberry buzzes, it was Ros, we are having problems in Darfur the shipment of aid I have sent out there can't get through because of the militia. I have to get back to Seattle.

The girls decide to go back to their condo and Elliot is coming back with me in the helicopter. He has to work tomorrow and if he comes back with me it will save him having to drive back in the morning. See that's us being sensible.

As we drop the girls off, Elliot takes Kate into a Hollywood style clinch to kiss her goodbye.

"Ana, I'd like to see you again sometime soon, I know I'll see you at the graduation ceremony on Thursday will it be possible or me to take you out to dinner that evening or will you have family there."

"My dad is coming up from Montesano but he'll probably leave early to get back before dark. I'll have dinner with you after he has left if that's ok with you."

I hold her head in my hands standing close, hoping she doesn't put her arm around me and on my back and lean down for a kiss. She lifts her face to mine and holds onto my upper arms and we share a sweet chaste kiss goodbye. There are some advantages to being nearly a foot taller.

"Perfect" I tell her my nose resting on hers. "And Ana you don't know how pleased I am that Kate was sick last week. Thank you for today." I give her another quick kiss goodbye then let her go.

"I've enjoyed today too. I'll see you on Thursday." and with that she grabs Kate's arm and drags her into the condo. On the steps they turn and wave us off and we drive in Elliot's car to the helipad.

As I get clearance and a flight plan, Elliot secures his car; I'll arrange for some one to drive down and pick it up for him tomorrow.

We take off leaving the lights of Portland below us. It's quite eerie flying in the dark just the lights of the control panel in front of me casting a greenish hue on our faces. We can see the moon and some stars there are some darker shadows of clouds in the surrounding sky.

"So, you get it on with little Ana, Christian? "

"It's not that easy" I tell him. Checking my compass and instruments on the panel; as I can't see where I'm going I have to rely on these to get us back safe so I constantly pay attention to them.

"Do you still have problems being touched I thought you had gotten over them" he sounds surprised.

"I have problems with strangers but I can read people I know when they are going to pounce and I can take evasive action. Ana, Ana is different, I want to get close for obvious reasons but my instinct is to still pull away; so I have to take my time and when I feel more comfortable I'll explain to her and hope she understands. I can't just expect her to want to jump in bed and have her hands tied can I. So unlike you, sex on a first date just doesn't happen for me. I'll have to do a little old fashioned courting where Ana is concerned."

Elliot is silent for a while, but I can almost hear the cogs going in his brain.

"Have you done a lot of old fashioned courting then?" he's on a fishing spree.

"No." I reply, casually. I wonder if he can see the smirk on my face.

"How are you going to go about getting the delightful Anastasia in bed." he really knows nothing about the lifestyle I lead.

"Haven't a fucking clue" and Seattle air control crackles in my ears.

Elliot waits while I clear my landing with air traffic control. We can see the pin point of light from the space needle. The shadows and lights from the high rises in the city are beginning to appear from out of the darkness.

I switch on the landing spots as we approach the helipad on top of Escala's roof where we settle as lightly as a fly.

We take the elevator down to my apartment, as we exit Taylor meets me

"Evening sir, Mr Grey."

Elliot glares at him, "Now then Jason, how many times do I have to tell you, Sir, here might be your boss, but Mr. Grey is my dad, I'm Elliot."

Taylor gives him a little smile "Whatever you say, good evening Elliot, sir"

"Taylor arrange with Stephan to fly you to Portland tomorrow to drive Elliot's car back. It's at the helipad garage. Give him your keys bro. Oh and Taylor; get Sawyer to drive me to Grey House in the morning."

"Very good sir, Good night." and disappears to the staff quarters.

"Are you going to stay here tonight, or shall I get someone to take you back to your place?"

"I'll crash here then we can have a drink or three and come up with a solution as to how you can get Anastasia into your bed."

######

_I'm asleep on my back, one arm above my head, the other across my belly and I'm holding onto my dick. For some reason, I have no sheet or blanket covering me, and I'm naked, totally exposed. _

_A gentle hand touches my shoulder and up into my face. She is kissing and touching me, first on my mouth, then my chin, down my neck, onto my collar bone and down to my chest. I hold her hand away from me trying to stop her progress. She shakes her head and tutts; takes both my wrists and pulls my arms so that they are both above my head._

"_Keep your hands here, don't move them or I will have to start all over again; be still, and trust Me." her voice is low and seductive._

_She then continues a sensual gentle journey, kissing, stroking all down my torso. I tense and my breathing becomes erratic as I anticipate the burning pain._

"_Ssh, just relax, it's not going to hurt, I love you I couldn't hurt you, relax."_

_Her hands are soft and gentle as she slides them across my chest they are warm and soothing; she has some sort of sweet smelling oil on her hands. And the sensation she is creating is having an erotic effect as my cock wakes up and wants to join in the fun._

_She continues to kiss her way across my chest and down, down across my belly her tongue licks around my belly button as she passes; she kisses and teases me with little bites me from hip bone to hip bone, and I fell bereft because she has moved away from my chest. With the tips of her fingers she finds her way into my groin, around and under my balls around the other side and back up avoiding my growing cock. She kisses her way from hip bone to hip bone again then up to my navel, down the happy trail, then she licks around the crown of my erection causing me flinch with the shock wave that passes down the length and into my balls._

_She positions herself between my legs, and using both hands she glides up my body until her hands are resting on my chest again. She looks deeply into my eyes and smiles._

"_Keep your hands still, above your head." It's an order but there is that seductive whisper._

_She slides her hands back down my body, until they are resting on my thighs. Then they slide into my groin around my cock and balls, she drops her head down and takes my aching ridged cock into her mouth…_

"FUCK!" I've cum all over myself. I bounce out of bed into the bathroom and get in the shower. I'm panting, my head reeling as I lean my head, eyes closed, against the shower wall letting the water run down my back; it's cold to begin with but soon begins to run warm as I wash my self off.

It takes the rest of the day to get the dream out of my head. How relaxed I felt as she touched me. Somehow it had been soothing and not the least painful and I felt at peace all day.

"Christian! For fucks sake will you pay attention? What the hells up with you? You've been in a dream all day. We're going to loose the merger with Bryant because you're distracted." Ros snarls at me during a bathroom break, she actually slaps me around the back of my head. I glower at her. No one else would dare to speak to me in such a manner. She is my right-hand, my girl Friday. She has been with me since the beginning when I bought my first company. She was seasoned and I was green; her advice and support saw me through the early years. And she has every right to be pissed at me as she has done most of the leg work with this deal.

"Sorry, I have some stuff on my mind at the moment."

"You're telling me! Come on now get your focus back and let's get this done."

Right focus; and just for a while I get my CEO head on.

######

Thursday seems long time coming but at last I'm standing at the podium giving my address to four hundred graduate students. As I speak I scan the auditorium looking for Anastasia. I spot her four rows back trying to hide herself by slumping down in her seat her cap tipped down shadowing her face.

My heart leaps in my chest and my mouth feels dry. Our eyes meet; she blushes and fidgets in her seat.

I somehow manage to get through the speech and the long protracted task of handing out diplomas.

When Anastasia's turn comes I hold her hand more tightly as we shake and the familiar electric currant runs through me; I can tell by the flush on her face that she feels the same. But we can't talk here I'll have to find someway to see her afterwards.

Fortunately Kate is also on the dais as she is valedictorian so I am able to get her to fetch Anastasia to me when all is done.

Kate brings Anastasia to me and we dodge into a locker room. Once the door is locked I wrap my arms around her, pinning her arms to her side, I hold her tight, just to feel her body close to me, relaxing my hold on her, I gently pull her hair causing her to lift up her face to me and what I see nearly has me undone, the blue of eyes darken as her pupils dilate, she is biting her lip, her breathing erratic; and I'm lost as we kiss each other passionately.

A powerful emotion tightens my chest, makes my head spin, as our teeth clash together in a mutual effort to invade the others mouth. She frees her hands and holds on to my arms, move up my shoulders and up to my head where her fingers tangle in my hair. My free hand encircles her waist pulling her closer to me, my erection pressing against her stomach.

After what seems to be for ever, we pull apart gasping for breath.

"We should go, my dad will be wondering where I am" she says panting, her face flushed.

"Y-Yes you're right we don't want to start a scandal. I'm supposed to be talking to the dean."

We pull ourselves together and I guide her out of the locker room my hand on her back.

There is no one around fortunately, everyone is out side meeting and greeting and congratulating the graduates.

"Can I buy you dinner tonight or does your dad want you to be with him?" I ask hopefully.

"Dad is leaving at around five, he wants to get home before the match." she smiles, shaking her head, "My dad is not much for socialising, I'm afraid. But we will have lunch together then he'll be on tender hooks wanting to get home."

"Likes the Mariners do he?"

"Baseball, soccer, football, and fishing are his favourite past times when he's not in his workshop building furniture."

She sounds a little despondent. And I want to hold her make her feel - what? Love?

"Don't get me wrong," she continues, "Ray has always been there for me. He just doesn't like crowds and fuss"

"I know, I understand. So shall I pick you up at your place at around seven and we'll go somewhere quiet for dinner where we can talk?"

"I'd like that. See you at seven." she starts to walk away, and then comes back to me and standing on her tip toes she kisses me lightly on my cheek. And walks away giving me a little wave with her fingers.


	25. Chapter 26

**Thanks to all you readers, reviewers and followers. Your continued support is so motivating. **

**I have some more ideas in mind for this story but they may take me a bit longer between posts to get them down as I am trying to put a slightly different slant on this story.**

**FSOG belongs to E. . Bless for giving us all inspiration**

**Chapter 26.**

Enjoyable flight in Charlie Tango Check.

Lovely dinner provided by Gail Check.

Pleasant dinner conversation Check.

Nitty gritty conversation deep breath here we go.

"Would you like another glass of wine?" Dutch courage for her or me?

"Thank you. Christian what are you looking so worried about?" she holds her glass out to me and I fill it.

"Ana-I You must know how attractive I find you in the short time since we met you have come to mean so much to me". Then I stop talking; I really didn't know what else to say to explain how I have spent my life.

Running my fingers through my hair looking at her; her eyes expectant waiting.

"Are you trying to ask me to go to bed with you Christian?" she had a little smile playing around her mouth the she bit her bottom lip.

Closing my eyes I sigh. Standing up I push my chair back from the table.

"Let's go and sit on the couch. Do you want coffee" _That's right Grey be the perfect host. Delaying tactics? No not me, much!_

"No thanks. That was a lovely dinner; please tell Mrs. Jones how much I enjoyed it."

_If all goes well, you can tell her yourself tomorrow._

"So pleased you enjoyed it."

We settle ourselves on the couch and I turn to face her.

"To answer your question, yes I'm asking you to come to bed with me. In fact there's nothing I would like better. But…" I pause.

"Oh for goodness sake, Christian spit it out!"

"Ok, Ok. It's - I have a problem…" her eyebrows shoot into her forehead.

"What sort of problem?" she eyes me speculatively," you haven't got an STD have you?"

"Of course not. You wouldn't be here if I had. No; my problem is; I have an issue with being touched. It's a long standing psychological problem stemming back to my childhood. Over the years since I was a teen I found a coping method that may not be agreeable to you. And I don't want to scare you away from me … it's so difficult for me to ask you" I end up telling her all in a rush of words that will most likely mean nothing to her.

We stare at each other for a long time. I can see her thinking trying to work it out in her head, with a little frown between her brows. I think I have stopped breathing altogether. My heart is pounding trying to escape from my chest and there is a possibility that Mrs. Jones's excellent salmon and asparagus will end up down the toilet.

She gives her head a little shake and whispers, "How have you coped? I take it you haven't been celibate"

I almost laugh, "No Anastasia; far from it. Look the relationships I have had have been centred on a form of BDSM. Do you know what that is?"

Now she looks terrified. She pales, and then blushes scarlet. She stands and very determinedly "If you think for one moment you are going to beat me to get your kicks Christian Grey you have another think coming."

I stand up in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders forcing her to look at me.

"I'm sorry I'm not explaining myself very well. Just listen to me please."

She looks close tears now.

"Please, give me a chance to clarify what I mean." I beg, "I promise I am not going to hurt you."

"You had better be very clear what your intensions are or I'm out of here!"

"I will, please sit, let me get us a drink then I'll tell you about my kinky sex habits" I try with a little smile.

"Fine. I'll have a brandy I think I might need it." she shrugs my hands off her shoulders and returns to the couch, folding her arms and crossing her legs sitting very up right.

Well at least she is prepared to hear me out. I get us both a snifter of brandy; then sit on the couch not close enough to touch her.

She listens to me intently as I explain how I got into the scene in the first place. How I could control how I was touched by using some bondage. That I had never enjoyed hurting my partners-I deliberately left out the word some sensual spanking had been pleasurable.

And as I talk her breathing changes her pupils dilate she squeezes her thighs closer together an a little flush comes to her cheeks.

I told her that I'd never had a proper relationship just short term agreements through the agency just to get some sort of physical contact to give me relief.

" But with you I feel there is a connection; that there's something about you that makes it difficult to leave you alone; to let you go"

There is another long silence between us as she contemplates what I have said. That little frown on her forehead and she chews at her bottom lip. Which almost makes me groan as it stirs my libido.

I can't stand it any longer, "Say something" I say quietly.

"So that is why you held my hands when you kissed me? So I couldn't touch you?"

"Yes."

She considers again, "Where can I touch you?"

"My arms, shoulders, and my head and…." I give her a lascivious grin, "Any where below my rib cage."

She glowers at me "Your torso is a no go area?"

"Yes"

"Will you tell me why?"

"I did tell you it stems from my early childhood. Ana I'm fucked up there's no doubt about it but my folks have been marvellous, got me the best therapists they could but the mental scars still remain. They are the only people I trust, so I am able to let them touch me, you know give me a hug, but even them it has to be brief turns and that's all I can tolerate". I'm running my hands through my hair again I don't want to tell her about the burns and the beatings I think she doesn't need to know all that shit.

A look of sorrow crosses her lovely face. She unfolds her arms and legs and shifts nearer to me. She so gently puts her hand to my cheek and brings her face closer to mine then she kisses me oh so softly and I'm a goner. I pull her closer into my arms and return the pleasure. Her hands hold my head and the kiss deepens and becomes more intense; I'm pushing her back onto the couch, my hand exploring, her soft body as she relaxes underneath me, I'm kissing her neck, her throat and down, one hand gently cupping her breast while my other slides down her waist over her hip, down her thigh. I run my thumb over the nipple and I feel it harden under the material of her blouse and bra.

Her body is leaning into me her hand slides across my shoulder and down my arm to my wrist; then she lets go and her hand continues it's journey around my waist and I can feel myself tensing up waiting for the pain to stab me but feeling my tension she moves her hand further down and round until she has her hand on my ass; that's better.

Suddenly she breaks away from my kiss panting her face flushed. Her eyes shining with need.

"Take me to bed" she whispers.

_Yes ma'am, who am I to argue?_

I break away from her and pick her up as I stand and carry her to my bedroom.

I lower her gently down onto the bed, sitting her on the edge, I kneel in front of her and take her face into my hands and kiss her. She responds by curling her finger in my hair. Holding onto the kiss I start to unbutton her blouse, I slipped my hands inside. and over her shoulders pushing the blouse off and down her arms. I pull back from kissing her to gently cup her breasts, beautifully enveloped in a white lacy bra. I can see the contrasting shadows of her aereola and nipples through the lace. I lead my head forward and run my tongue around the nipples teasing them as they become hardened. She is pulling on my hair and moaning her breathing erratic as she becomes more aroused. Slipping my hand around her back I unfasten the bra and she lowers her arms letting it fall off her. I hold her shoulders to help her stand in front of me; I gently stroke down her back feeling her silky skin. Finding the fastening of her skirt it pools at her feet: God she's lovely, standing there in front of me dressed in lacy briefs and high stiletto heeled shoes.

"Do you know how lovely you are Ana?" I can hardly speak my throat feels constricted. She blushes rose pink and squirms looking down and away from me. I catch her chin on my finger and lift her face looking directly into her eyes with the pupils so dilated there is only a small rim of blue showing.

"Don't look away from me sweetheart; don't ever be embarrassed in front of me because you _are _beautiful."

I lower her down and onto the bed, her hair fanned out on the pillow. The divest myself of shoes, socks and pants. I hope she understand why I haven't taken my shirt off. I lay beside her my arm around her waist as I pull her nearer to me. I kiss her.

She is like a deer in headlights I can see she is nervous as well as excited. Her lips slightly parted as she pants.

But there is house keeping to do before we go any further.

"Are you sure you want us to do this Ana? We can cool things off and just make out if you are not sure about me." _Though it would kill me_

"Of course I'm sure," she answers breathily, "we would be here if I weren't"

_Thank you Thank you._

I tuck her hair behind her ear teasing the lobe

"Are you on the pill Ana?"

She shakes her head and that surprises me. I roll off the bed and go into my bathroom where I keep a supply of condoms. I hate these things they take all the spontaneity out of things. Well we'll talk about that later, much later, perhaps a packet of condoms later.

I slide back onto the bed and pull her closer to me.

"Can I put my arms around you over your shirt?" whispers Ana her fingers running down my arm.

"If you can avoid the middle of my back I should be Ok" I pull her arm around my waist and hold her closely cupping her breast and teasing her nipple with my thumb. She eases herself on to her back to give me easier access; her hand trailing down my belly. Soon we are touching and kissing and nibbling each other. My hand finds its way into her panties and into the moist, warm smoothness of her core. My finger gently massaging that little hot spot. I kneel up and ease the panties down kissing her long legs as I go; down one leg and up the other and back to touch warm slinky sex.

My cock is groaning as it forces itself trying to get free of my boxers, she is flexing her hips towards me her leg pulling me closer she nibbles my ear and her hand is inside my boxers squeezing my butt, the she is pushing them off me. I shift her body so that she is under me and having disposed of my boxers I'm kneeling between her legs sheathing up.

"Last chance to bail" I mutter but she flexes her hips to me as she pushes her hands down on my butt.

"I should tell you," she breaths into my ear as I enter her, "I am/ was a virgin." then she sucks in air as I penetrate ripping through the resisting membrane that was her hymen. _Holy, fuck!_

I freeze in shock look down at her wide eyed "What?" I exclaim it's all I can think of. And poor dick retreats in fear

She gives me the widest brightest smile "Don't stop I wanted it to be you, please don't stop" as she realises that she has, for the first time ever caused a malfunction.

But she starts to kiss me her tongue exploring my mouth, one hand in my hair the other gently stroking my butt cheeks. Responding to the kissing and gentle nips and touches, my hand finding her breast and her nipples, things are on the move again, thank fuck because thanks to her coitus interruptus my balls are aching for want of release.

So I put the thought out of my head and just let my self feel, feel her tight velvety smoothness soothing and caressing my cock as I ride in and out. I can feel her walls squeezing me, her legs latch themselves around my hips allowing me to go deep inside her and as I feel her reaching her release, I feel such a surge of emotion in my chest, like I want to cry. We climax together each shouting the others name.


	26. Chapter 25a

**Sorry about the delay with this chapter. As you know sometimes life takes over.**

**Please keep reviewing and favourite as these keep me going, thinking and plotting.**

Chapter 25.

I have not been in what you would term as a "Normal" relationship in all these years but by the same token I have had sexual encounters of a contractual kind.

When I first moved back to Seattle having made my mind up to start my own company I worked something like eighteen/nineteen hours a day and still had

difficulty sleeping at night. I needed some release from the stress and one way was to run myself into the ground till I more or less passed out in sheer exhaustion.

Numbers, spread sheets, ideas, planning, production and development, mission statement advertising, spreading the word, convincing companies to buy the technology that my company developed. All this buzzed around in my head; and I loved it.

For the first few weeks, I stayed with Elliot at his apartment as it was more convenient to be in the city centre than drive from Belleview each day and given the hours I worked, well it was just easier.

It wasn't long before I had to find an apartment of my own, between the hours I worked and Elliot's love life it wouldn't have been too long before we got to fighting.

I had difficulty convincing him I didn't want to double date, go to the bar and generally hang out. I couldn't get through to him that I needed to get this company I'd purchased on the road to success.

I suppose I was driven by the need to control every aspect of the first company I bought. I didn't want a board of directors dictating how I spent the money I made. In fact the only person I took advice from was Ros.

Being new to the practical world of running a company, I had no finesse in dealing with people; it was Ros who set me straight. And even now she is not afraid of telling me in no uncertain terms when I'm being an arse.

I don't know why Ros and I gelled so well from the beginning. She was a woman in a mans' world, and as such had hit the glass ceiling. She had the ideas and pretty good team working with her but the management were just too blind to see. That changed because I recognised her worth when they couldn't see it.

I rather suspected she was gay, and call it what you will, she wasn't impressed by my looks, only by the ideas I had.

It was only after I had reshaped the management levels that the business took off and Ros became my right hand. We just worked so well together.

Because of my work schedule and the pressure I was putting myself under there were times I was as high strung as a bow and I needed some release. I started visiting the BDSM clubs around Seattle. But that way of life was too risky, I was terrified of being recognised by someone who knew my folks, well you never know who you are going to bump into in these places and I really didn't want them to learn of my life style.

So I did some research on-line and found an agency a sort of dating agency for people with a penchant for, shall we say spicy sex? An anonymous site no one used a real name I even had a credit card in my online name; this way I had contractual relationships.

Many people who dabble in the life style have a dungeon to play scenes in. I didn't but I did use the spare room at my apartment for my playtime. I had all my "toys" locked away in a small store room.

I had to tell Mia that it was all stuff to do with the business that I needed to keep on hand for when I worked at home and that it was private and confidential and no she couldn't just take a look to see if she could turn it into a clothes closet for me.

These relationships were strictly on a business footing, all I wanted was sexual gratification in a similar style I had at Harvard. No strings attached just a clear contract stating hard and soft limits. The girl would stay at my place over the weekend they would sleep in the "Playroom" not with me. We would dine at the apartment but we never went on dates and I _never _introduced them to my family.

So now I have a problem I want Anastasia Steele. But my feelings for her are quite different to what I have ever had. And I don't get the sense that she will be in the scene. I decide that I will take it slow, dinner to night and see how we get on. If things go well I will have to explain my phobias.

And I had that dream I wanted if possible, to make it reality.

######

Ana's POV.

Kate tells me she thinks there is something about Christian she doesn't trust, she thinks that he is distant and cold, well if that kiss in the elevator is anything to go by, he is anything but cold.

However he is not like Elliot; Elliot is not shy at showing his affection or need for Kate. I see where Kate is coming from as brothers even adopted brothers they are so different, Elliot has an open sunny personality far different from Christian's who more brooding and introverted.

To me he just oozes passion and sexuality; hidden depth, dangerous, I felt it in that kiss he wants me and there is one thing I'm sure of and that is my own feelings for him. He makes my pulses race and I want him in the worst possible way. I have dated and made out but I could never quite bring myself to go the whole way; I have never felt ready, but with Christian that's a whole different story I really want to get into his bed.

After the graduation ceremony, Kate and her family set off to have a family get together whilst dad and I have a quiet lunch.

I wish I had been able to introduce Christian to my dad but I didn't get the opportunity as I didn't see Christian again him being the guest of the dean and faculty members.

I decide to tell dad about this guy I had met.

"Are you going to meet up with Kate and her family this evening Annie?"

"No dad; as a matter of fact I have a date this evening"

That surprised him; he sat up right and glowered at me

"Oh yes and who is it, tell me about him"

"I met him when I went to interview him for the student news paper when Kate was ill. And we sort of hit it off."

"Why would you want to interview him is he famous or something?" he laughed.

"We-ell sort of; do you remember the speaker at the ceremony?" he nods "I'm having dinner with him, Christian Grey."

"B-but he's a billionaire!" He exclaimed.

"What dad, don't you think I'm good enough for a billionaire." I grin

"Annie, you are good enough for any body I just wonder what his motives are."

Oh spare me from over protective fathers.

"He hasn't made any indecent proposals, dad. We had lunch together last week and it seems that he wants more of my company because he asked me out this evening."

"Well Annie, just take care, he's a guy like any other. I hope you have a lovely time."

He stands and kisses me on the top of my head. "I love you girl, and I don't want you to be hurt." he whispers.

My dad, my rock.

So it is with a million butterflies taking their wings and making me kind of nauseous and giddy; I await the arrival of Christian Grey.

#######

Christian POV.

To be able to talk to Ana openly and honestly, I need privacy and the only place I can be absolutely sure of that is at Escala.

Getting Ana there was nothing short of a military operation,

File a flight plan, check.

Security to check out Charlie Tango, check.

Taylor to drive us to airport then takes SUV back to Seattle Check.

Have a car waiting in Seattle at Sea TAC. Check.

Have Gail leave light dinner for two. Check.

Give Gail and Taylor evening off. Check.

Standby pilot at Escala in case Ana wants to go home. Check.

Hope fully Ana will stay with me, in the guest room obviously….


	27. Chapter 27

**Hi all please do not ask me what happened to my chapters **_**Again! **_**Gah! So now 25 26 are out of synch. So now 25is 25a which comes **_**after 26. **_**I do hope that any new readers or old readers catching up will realise.**

**This is a little flash back memory which came to me. Hope you like it.**

Chapter 27.

Christian is fourteen.

Grace POV.

I have just arrived at the consulting rooms of Christian's latest therapist. I arranged to pick him up as he has to get ready for a school end of year musical evening that he is taking part in; he has to get home eat and change and be punctual at the school auditorium.

The receptionist offers me a cup of tea which I gratefully accept; this is the first minute I've had to sit all day. Just I am beginning relax I cringe as I hear Christian bellowing.

"I know that I'm angry because of the crack whore" he rages "That's not what I want to know. What I want to know is do you think I'm ever going to get laid!"

I stand and open the door in time to hear Dr. Fisk say,

"Christian, calm down. The real issue is that you accept that your problems stem from Sthat time with your mother. You are too young to be worrying about sex."

Christian is standing his fists clenched by his sides his face pale with fury.

"I KNOW I'M TOO YOUNG BUT WILL YOU TELL THAT TO MY FUCKING DICK BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO HAVE OTHER IDEAS!"

"Christian! That will do." I snap out.

He spins round and blushes scarlet he knows I've heard him. He closes his mouth tight shut and slumps back into his chair.

"Wait outside "I tell him he stands and stalks out the very epitome of a surly teenager.

"Dr. Fisk, I'm not a therapist but I really think you are handling Christian's present situation wrong. He is an adolescent boy with the same hang ups as any other boy of his age; he asked you a specific question on how to overcome his hephaphobia in the future and you tell him to focus on his traumatic childhood. How do you think that is going to help his anger management?" I am livid at this mans attitude. He is sitting there with a superior sneer on his face that I would dearly love to slap off him.

"Mrs. Grey I have a degree in child psychology I have a lot of experience in dealing with children I think I have a handle on you son's non acceptance of his past. If he could accept that everything would fall into place" he says smugly.

I look at him in disbelief. I stand away from his desk and pull myself up to my full height "Dr. Fisk, I have a medical degree, I specialise in paediatrics but it make no difference when dealing with a priapic adolescent teenager! Do you have any son's of your own?" he shakes his head and opens his mouth but I don't give him chance to speak.

"Well when you do, if you do, I hope you will have a better idea what they are going through. We won't be attending any more therapy here you obviously have no real understanding of Christian's problems and worries." I turn on my heel and storm out of the room. I point at Christian "You, car.!"

I am so angry Christian is fully aware of his traumatic childhood his nightmares clearly reflect that. And what has really upset me is that Fisk cannot see what Christian's immediate fears are; that he will not be able to have a normal relationship with a girl. He wanted reassurance and some suggestions on how to cope not to bring up his traumatic memories.

Christian sits beside me in the car in sullen silence his head back on the headrest his eyes closed; he is gritting his teeth happy warring with some emotion. I want to cry for him, I want to hold him in my arms and love him better; my poor boy.

I pull in at IHOP, not a place I'm with but what the hell and I need a cup of coffee. As I switch the ignition off and put on the parking brake I turn to my sad boy. I put my arm round his head and pull him to me until his head is resting on my shoulder. I run my finger through his untidy hair we sit quietly calming down.

"I know what you are going through honey, and I know it's hard for you but we will find a way to help you." he sits upright and I'm sure he's near to tears, but Christian never cries he is too controlled to allow those emotions to come out. He sits upright takes a deep breath and looks out at the surroundings. He gives a little smile then turns to me a quizzical look on his face.

"IHOP mom? Are you going to buy me pancakes?" and just like that his mood has changed.

"Yes, but if I hear you speak to anyone like that again I will wash you mouth out with soap, hear me?"

"Loud and clear, mom. Is this a secret or can I rag Elliot?"

Later that evening.

Carrick, Elliot, Mia and I are sitting in the school auditorium. It's been a very entertaining evening; the performances have been exceptionally good but now we are waiting for the finally and Christian's contributions.

The principal stands and thanks us all for being there; but now he wants to introduce the final performer. Christian Grey. He stands and he is whispering something to Elliot, who grins and winks at him giving him a push on his way.

The kids in the audience whistle and cat call as Christian makes his way up to the stage he lifts his hand in acknowledgement, just short of giving them the bird.

_Behave Christian._

Once he is up there he starts to ham it up making a great show of flexing his fingers and sweeping his hair back. As he sits at the piano stool he flips up the vent in his jacket. Carrick mutters "I'm going to kill him"

Finally Christian starts to play, and the auditorium is spell bound by him. He puts his soul into the first piece Bach's transcription in D minor, after the oboe concerto by Alessandro Marcello. TThen number one of Phillip Glass's metamorphosis suite.

As the applause is dying down Elliot starts to make his way up to the stage as Christian starts to sing and play Hey Jude. Elliot picks up a guitar and sings along with him. They harmonise well together but before too long Elliot is beckoning to a boy in the audience, who grins broadly then steps up to the drum kit. The rest of the artists gradually join them on the stage the choir joins in the singing, another guitarist gets in on the act. And the whole hall fills with the Beatles tune. And it is obvious that everyone is having a great time. Gradually the audience takes up the theme.

Christian is thumping on the piano his foot tapping on the loud peddle singing away.

And I can't help thinking as I sing that the words are sort of appropriate.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad, _

_Take a sad song and make it better_

_Remember to let her into your heart,_

_Then you can start to make it better._

_Hey Jude,_

_Don't be afraid._

_You where made to go out and get her,_

_The minute you let her under you skin,_

_Then you begin to make it better._

_And anytime you feel the pain,_

_Hey Jude refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders._

_Well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder._

_Hey Jude don't let me down,_

_You have found her now go and get her,_

_Remember to let her into your heart then you can start to make it better._

_So let it out and let it in, Hey Jude, begin, you're waiting for someone to perform with._

_And don't you know it's you, just you hey Jude, Jude, Jude, the movement you need is on your shoulders._

_Hey Jude don't make it bad,_

_Take a sad song and make it better,_

_The minute you letter under your skin then _

_You'll begin to make it better._

_ ,la,lala, la….._

A/N do you agree with Grace?


	28. Chapter 28

**Hi all please do not ask me what happened to my chapters **_**Again! **_**Gah! So now 25 26 are out of synch. So now 25is 25a which comes **_**after 26. **_**I do hope that any new readers or old readers catching up will realise.**

**This is a little flash back memory which came to me. Hope you like it.**

Chapter 27.

Christian is fourteen.

Grace POV.

I have just arrived at the consulting rooms of Christian's latest therapist. I arranged to pick him up as he has to get ready for a school end of year musical evening that he is taking part in; he has to get home eat and change and be punctual at the school auditorium.

The receptionist offers me a cup of tea which I gratefully accept; this is the first minute I've had to sit all day. Just I am beginning relax I cringe as I hear Christian bellowing.

"I know that I'm angry because of the crack whore" he rages "That's not what I want to know. What I want to know is do you think I'm ever going to get laid!"

I stand and open the door in time to hear Dr. Fisk say,

"Christian, calm down. The real issue is that you accept that your problems stem from Sthat time with your mother. You are too young to be worrying about sex."

Christian is standing his fists clenched by his sides his face pale with fury.

"I KNOW I'M TOO YOUNG BUT WILL YOU TELL THAT TO MY FUCKING DICK BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO HAVE OTHER IDEAS!"

"Christian! That will do." I snap out.

He spins round and blushes scarlet he knows I've heard him. He closes his mouth tight shut and slumps back into his chair.

"Wait outside "I tell him he stands and stalks out the very epitome of a surly teenager.

"Dr. Fisk, I'm not a therapist but I really think you are handling Christian's present situation wrong. He is an adolescent boy with the same hang ups as any other boy of his age; he asked you a specific question on how to overcome his hephaphobia in the future and you tell him to focus on his traumatic childhood. How do you think that is going to help his anger management?" I am livid at this mans attitude. He is sitting there with a superior sneer on his face that I would dearly love to slap off him.

"Mrs. Grey I have a degree in child psychology I have a lot of experience in dealing with children I think I have a handle on you son's non acceptance of his past. If he could accept that everything would fall into place" he says smugly.

I look at him in disbelief. I stand away from his desk and pull myself up to my full height "Dr. Fisk, I have a medical degree, I specialise in paediatrics but it make no difference when dealing with a priapic adolescent teenager! Do you have any son's of your own?" he shakes his head and opens his mouth but I don't give him chance to speak.

"Well when you do, if you do, I hope you will have a better idea what they are going through. We won't be attending any more therapy here you obviously have no real understanding of Christian's problems and worries." I turn on my heel and storm out of the room. I point at Christian "You, car.!"

I am so angry Christian is fully aware of his traumatic childhood his nightmares clearly reflect that. And what has really upset me is that Fisk cannot see what Christian's immediate fears are; that he will not be able to have a normal relationship with a girl. He wanted reassurance and some suggestions on how to cope not to bring up his traumatic memories.

Christian sits beside me in the car in sullen silence his head back on the headrest his eyes closed; he is gritting his teeth happy warring with some emotion. I want to cry for him, I want to hold him in my arms and love him better; my poor boy.

I pull in at IHOP, not a place I'm with but what the hell and I need a cup of coffee. As I switch the ignition off and put on the parking brake I turn to my sad boy. I put my arm round his head and pull him to me until his head is resting on my shoulder. I run my finger through his untidy hair we sit quietly calming down.

"I know what you are going through honey, and I know it's hard for you but we will find a way to help you." he sits upright and I'm sure he's near to tears, but Christian never cries he is too controlled to allow those emotions to come out. He sits upright takes a deep breath and looks out at the surroundings. He gives a little smile then turns to me a quizzical look on his face.

"IHOP mom? Are you going to buy me pancakes?" and just like that his mood has changed.

"Yes, but if I hear you speak to anyone like that again I will wash you mouth out with soap, hear me?"

"Loud and clear, mom. Is this a secret or can I rag Elliot?"

Later that evening.

Carrick, Elliot, Mia and I are sitting in the school auditorium. It's been a very entertaining evening; the performances have been exceptionally good but now we are waiting for the finally and Christian's contributions.

The principal stands and thanks us all for being there; but now he wants to introduce the final performer. Christian Grey. He stands and he is whispering something to Elliot, who grins and winks at him giving him a push on his way.

The kids in the audience whistle and cat call as Christian makes his way up to the stage he lifts his hand in acknowledgement, just short of giving them the bird.

_Behave Christian._

Once he is up there he starts to ham it up making a great show of flexing his fingers and sweeping his hair back. As he sits at the piano stool he flips up the vent in his jacket. Carrick mutters "I'm going to kill him"

Finally Christian starts to play, and the auditorium is spell bound by him. He puts his soul into the first piece Bach's transcription in D minor, after the oboe concerto by Alessandro Marcello. TThen number one of Phillip Glass's metamorphosis suite.

As the applause is dying down Elliot starts to make his way up to the stage as Christian starts to sing and play Hey Jude. Elliot picks up a guitar and sings along with him. They harmonise well together but before too long Elliot is beckoning to a boy in the audience, who grins broadly then steps up to the drum kit. The rest of the artists gradually join them on the stage the choir joins in the singing, another guitarist gets in on the act. And the whole hall fills with the Beatles tune. And it is obvious that everyone is having a great time. Gradually the audience takes up the theme.

Christian is thumping on the piano his foot tapping on the loud peddle singing away.

And I can't help thinking as I sing that the words are sort of appropriate.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad, _

_Take a sad song and make it better_

_Remember to let her into your heart,_

_Then you can start to make it better._

_Hey Jude,_

_Don't be afraid._

_You where made to go out and get her,_

_The minute you let her under you skin,_

_Then you begin to make it better._

_And anytime you feel the pain,_

_Hey Jude refrain, don't carry the world upon your shoulders._

_Well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder._

_Hey Jude don't let me down,_

_You have found her now go and get her,_

_Remember to let her into your heart then you can start to make it better._

_So let it out and let it in, Hey Jude, begin, you're waiting for someone to perform with._

_And don't you know it's you, just you hey Jude, Jude, Jude, the movement you need is on your shoulders._

_Hey Jude don't make it bad,_

_Take a sad song and make it better,_

_The minute you letter under your skin then _

_You'll begin to make it better._

_ ,la,lala, la….._

A/N do you agree with Grace?


	29. Chapter 29

**Hi everyone it was great to read all the reviews and comments I'm so please you enjoyed my little fill in chapter which came to me as I was cleaning the bathroom so you can imagine where my mind was. Thank you.**

**A/N, now I'm not exactly certain of the geography of Seattle, I know there is an Escala apartment block because I've seen it in pictures of Seattle and I'm fairly sure you can see the Space Needle from there, I know it's not far from Pike Place Market from what I have read in the books and a little searching on line but I'm not sure if it is Puget Sound that you can see from there. I apologise to anyone who knows better. I live in the UK and have never been to the USA let alone Seattle so forgive me if I'm wrong and allow me a little poetic license.**

**As usual all characters belong to Ms James.**

Chapter 28

I lay paralysed my forehead is resting on Ana's I've enough strength to rest on my forearms to keep my weight from crushing her. It doesn't take long for me to get my breath back after the most amazing fuck I have had for years.

I roll myself off Ana, divest myself of the condom and dump it on the floor beside the bed. I lay on my side my head resting on my hand looking at Ana who is lying on her back with the biggest shit eating grin on her face her deep blue eyes sparkling with mischief.

I shake my head "Why didn't you say, before we had gone passed the point of no return?"

"I thought you might not want me if you knew I was a virgin." she smiles sweetly and gives a little shrug.

"Well I'll have you know you scared me witless. You could have mentioned the fact sooner then I would have been gentler with you. Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

"Christian, I'm fine, more than fine. Wow that was some experience; I never realised how earth shattering having sex was."

I relax back on the pillow and pull her into my arms she snuggles down with me, turning on her side to look at me. She pulls me closer her hand on my cheek, lifting herself on her arm she kisses me gently but I won't let her pull away as our kiss deepens. Soon we are panting and our hand exploring each others bodies. She puts her arm around my shoulders and I stiffen and we shift apart.

Ana gives me a quizzical look. "Don't worry I'm not going to touch you on your back or chest; I would like to do it again though."

I give her a lascivious grin "Would you now? Well I think that can be arranged."

And we get lost in each other.

And falls asleep worn out by our activities but although I'm relaxed and ready to sleep I can't. I have this over whelming feeling of ownership; she is mine! No one else has touched her like me. She came tonight with every intension of loosing her virginity, to me! Not a decision a girl takes lightly who she gives her V card to.

I ease myself out of bed pick up the used condoms; yuck I hate these things, and walk off into the en-suite bathroom disposing the things down the toilet. Take a leak wash my hands then tip toe back into the bedroom and find a pair of pyjama bottoms.

I sit on the armchair beside the bed and watch Ana, _my Ana. _Sleeping.

I can see her by the lights reflecting through the glass wall that overlooks the high

rise buildings of Seattle.

I cannot explain or express the feelings I have for Ana. I have had multiple girls over the course of the years; there wasn't one that I had any emotion with; except perhaps Susie.

Susie, the first girlfriend .the first teenage love or lust call it what you will But I wasn't her first sexual partner. I fooled myself at the time that I was but over the years I have come to realise differently. She helped me realise that a close relationship was possible for me. I'd gone through my early teens, from the onset of puberty giving myself, my parents and Elliot a ton of grief thinking I would never be able to tolerate any one being that close to me, touching me but Susie showed me the way. I suppose Elena Lincoln helped to break down that barrier too she was the first woman I fucked; and I thought I was the stud of the school until I caught on to her little game. But I have never felt this, this what? Passion? I really cannot put the feeling into words.

As I sit there in the semi darkness, I came to one conclusion; that Ana Steele was mine and no one else's. I could not see my life without her we have a connection that has been clear from the first time we met. And she wanted me!

######

Ana POV.

I woke to a sleeping Christian, his hair is mussed up and he has the shadow of growth around his strong jaw. He lips are parted as he sleeps. He looks younger in repose. He has his arm around my waist and he is holding me close to him. I note that his has a tee shirt on. And the leg that he has over mine is covered in pyjama bottoms.

Hmm, he has me at a disadvantage here as I am naked. I need to move as I have a pressing need for the bathroom. I gently lift his arm by the wrist off me then manage to extricate my legs from his. Sitting on the edge of the bed I spot his cotton shirt draped over a chair, so I grab it and put it on; now I feel less vulnerable.

Looking around the bedroom I spot three doors one surely has to be the bathroom. Opening the first one I find it leads out to the main room, well I'm no better off going through there because I don't where there is a toilet out there. The second, thank goodness is the bathroom.

The room is huge! But then everything about Christian's apartment is on a large scale.

After using the toilet I go to the wash basin and wash my hands and face, cleaning the mascara from around my panda eyes. I look in the mirror and I'm surprised to see… me. I don't know what I expected but I feel so different within myself I fully expected to see something different. But no, it's just me Ana Steele, with blue eyes too big for her face, the usual pale skin and this mass of bedroom hair. Oh wait, a small change, my cheeks are flushed and my lips seem swollen.

I borrow Christian's electric tooth brush and grin at my reflection this has been in his mouth and his mouth has been just about every where on me; and the colour in my face deepens and I feel a clinching spasm in the pit of my stomach. And suddenly I have dampness between my legs.

As I reflect on last nights activities; I had wanted to go to bed with Christian from the first moment I met him. I had, had lots of opportunities to loose my V card but no one I had dated ever "turned me on" I wasn't ready and I wasn't going to have sex simply because every one else, if you could believe them, was. I didn't just want to go there. I didn't elaborate to anyone how my dates had worked out in fact I learned to be quite evasive about my experience or lack of it. I knew deep down that one day I would find the right man. . And I felt I had in Christian Grey.

When we met at the bar that first night, up to the point when he had whispered in my ear he had been charming and funny. He and his brother were just real good company pleasant and not at all pushy although it was obvious to me that Kate and Elliot were very much attracted to each other. Christian on the other hand was a quieter personality more introverted than his brother. When we learned that they were adopted we understood better. And of course, we, well I did not know who he was and Kate just didn't make the connection being totally overawed by Elliot.

After the boys had put us in the cab to take us home I had no idea I would see him again. But the memory of his grey eyes and the sensuality of his persona kept haunting my dreams.

I realise now that Christian has secrets and hidden issues. He is obviously very experienced sexually; but if the tabloids were to be believed had never had a girl friend at least he was never seen in public with one, hence the speculation that he was gay. But here I was a testimony that he was as straight as they come. A beautiful man and no way was I sorry that he was the one I had given myself to.

I tiptoe out of the bedroom and into the lounge to find my purse and my hair brush; ah there it is on the couch. As I brush out my tangles I walk over to the glass wall and look at a panoramic view of Seattle. I can see the space needle from here and there in the distance is Puget Sound with the mountains surrounding it. It's a bright, clear sunny day and the view is wonderful from way up 30 stories' high.

Turning my back on the view I look around this room. To my left is the kitchen area surrounded by the breakfast bar so I go and poke around in the fridge finding orange juice. I can't find a glass and I don't want to be caught nosing around, so I rinse my wine glass out from last night and use that.

Over in a recess by the glass wall stands a magnificent grand piano. I raise my eyebrows, does he play? Or is it just there for show, I doubt it. The lid is up so I have a quick tinkle of Chopsticks. The sound resonates throughout the room when I stop and hold my breath in case I've disturbed him.

I turn around, and there he is, standing leaning against the bedroom door his arms folded, and a smile playing around his mouth.

"And what's your next piece Miss Steele, are you going to play something outstanding?"

"I'm afraid, that's my entire repertoire Mr. Grey"

He walks over to me and very gently tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear. His fingers stroke my ear and he bents and kisses me sweetly on my mouth. And sparks fly as I respond by pulling his face closer to me by tugging at his hair. He folds me in his arms and groans deep in his throat and that resonates through me and my libido jumps to life. I feel his erect penis pressing against my stomach, OMG! I'm so turned on I can feel myself getting wet for him my heart is beating wildly in my chest and I feel I'm about to explode when he pulls away. His eyes are blazing with lust and if had laid me on the floor there and then he would have heard no protest from me.

He continues to hold me stroking my back his hand pushing my backside close to him and he kisses me again.

Suddenly he seems to get a hold on himself and taking me by the shoulders he hold me away from him,

"I disagree with you, Miss Steele; I think you have a hidden repertoire that we haven't tapped yet."

I giggle at him and he smirks back at me lasciviously.

"So do you want to explore your hidden depth or shall we have breakfast first?"

"Well, I'd love a cup of coffee" I murmur, yes better cool it for now.

"I have to tell you that I don't cook Ana so if you want more than toast and cereal I'm afraid you can either cook for us or we can get dressed and go and eat out." he says ruefully.

"Show me where things are in your kitchen and I'll cook for us" I don't want to go out I want us to keep this intimacy and it seems he does to as he takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen.

As I cook bacon, and scrambled eggs he makes toast and coffee, lays place mats and silver wear on the breakfast bar.

As I sit down I wince, I hadn't noticed before but I felt a little sore. I hoped that he hadn't noticed but he saw my discomfort.

"Are you sore?" he asks concern in his eyes.

"Just a little, I suppose it's only to be expected." I grimace

He smiles kindly and says conspiratorially," I guess so, when we've eaten we'll take a bath and that should help" then he grins and winks at me.

I blush up to my hair roots.

Christian POV.

I don't know but I seem to have switched Ana on from being a shy virgin to a sex goddess over night; it's a little scary.

In the bath she surprises the hell out of me when she takes my cock in her mouth and performs an outstanding blow job. When I ask her she assures me that she has never done that before and I can see the truth in her eyes.

Of course, she notices the scars on my chest, "Are those the reason you don't like being touched?" and there is such compassion in her voice when I nod. "Will you tell me about how that happened one day? Not today because I understand that it must be painful for you to talk about it and you don't know me well enough to feel happy discussing your past" she says softly

I nod again "Thank you" I was so relieved that she didn't push the issue I just wanted to hold her close to me.

I help her out of the bath and wrap her in a big fluffy towel then with a towel around my waist I hold her tightly in my arms.

Then I carry her to the bedroom and lay her on the bed.

"Do you trust me?" I ask tentatively

"Yes I do" she whispers

I go to my closet and find a gray silk tie; "Will you let me tie your hands to remind you not to touch my back?"

She swallows then nods so I gently bind her wrists, then putting her hands above her head, I instruct her to keep her hands there and to relax. Well I won't say she relaxes in fact she looks quite apprehensive; until I start to kiss her smooth silky body all over then she writhes and moans with pleasure. As I reach the apex of her thighs, I lick and torment her clitoris bringing her almost to orgasm then I stop and kiss all the way up to her breasts where I suckle and play with her breasts and her nipples. She can barely keep still and she tugs at my hair and that does it for me, I can't hold on much longer myself, my dick is so hard and my balls are beginning to ache as I try and control myself. So I stop my ministrations long enough to grab a condom off the bedside table, sheath up and ease myself into her velvety folds, It's like sliding into a silken glove, so tight gripping me, the walls of her pulsing around me as she builds. She hooks her legs around my thighs allowing me deeper access and we move together.

"Let it go Ana" I gasp, and she grips me tightly pulling us both into and orgasm that has stars flashing behind my eyes, as find my release.

For a few minutes like last night I am paralysed and slump my full weight on top of her, my face in her neck. I can feel her heart beating against my chest and the pulse in her neck is pounding against my lips as I kiss her.

As I come down from where ever I've been I am aware that I must be nearly suffocating her, I'm so much taller and I must me heavy on her slight frame so l ease myself on to my elbows and look down into her bright blue eyes. She is smiling and her radiance shines through.

"If I'd known sex was as good as that I would have tried it years ago" she grins mischievously

"I'm so glad you didn't, because it means you are truly mine." I smirk back.

######

Later we reluctantly decide that we need some fresh air. I say reluctantly because I could stay there forever making love to her but I'm aware that she is going to be awfully sore if we don't give ourselves a break.

Break did I say? As I say she has become insatiable over night and we go again when we have a shower. I'm not complaining this has got to be the best sex I have ever had and I feel more sated than ever.

So eventually, we head down to Pike place market to do some shopping as Ana has made her mind up to cook dinner for us tonight, and because she has agreed to stay over with me she needs new underwear.

We wander through the markets, my arm around her shoulders hers round my waist and it's just wonderful being with her. We talk and laugh like teenagers having a great time. As I watch her shopping for clothing I suddenly feel quite emotional, she is so beautiful her bright eyes, her long shiny hair flowing down her back just makes my heart sing. _You don't have a heart for your bed mates Grey._

"Christian!" some one calls I turn and there's my mom waving at me.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30. **

**Seeing as how all my chapters are out of whack and I would be grateful if someone could explain how to put them back in order.**

**In the meantime, I shall post the next chapter as 31 and hope I can keep it straight.**

**Thank you for all your reviews and for those of you who favour and follow my story.**

**I hope my little midlife crisis with my computing skills is not spioling your enjoyment of the story too much.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Sorry about the delay been busy lately birthdays and allsorts going on.**

**Thankyou for your patience and understanding with my messed up chapters hope it's not too confusing.**

Chapter 31.

Grace. POV.

I'm taking a stroll through Pike Place Market. I promised Carrick that I would go to the fish stall and get some sea bass for our dinner this evening; it's a lovely mild Saturday afternoon and I'm quite enjoying my walk. I'm considering having a coffee at Starbucks when to my surprise I spot Christian. He is talking with a young woman then they burst out laughing; something she has said to him; he shakes his head and pulls her to him into a hug, both his arms wrapped around her he kisses the top of her head.

Such an intimate scene and it warms my heart to see him in such an unguarded moment. I need to meet her; "Christian!"

He looks around and sees me he first looks surprised then he grins and says something to the girl then holds her hand and brings her over to me.

"Hi mom what a surprise. How are you? "He kisses my cheek.

I look enquiringly at the young woman.

"Oh this is the girl I'm taking advantage of, Anastasia Steele; Ana this is my mom"

She pokes him play fully in the ribs with her elbow

"Lovely to meet you Mrs. Grey" she says proffering her hand.

I shake her hand and glower at Christian.

I hope he's not taking advantage of you my dear."

"I am she's offered to cook dinner for me. Come and have a coffee with us mom."

He links arms with us both and leads us to Starbucks.

As we have our coffee break I can feel the intimacy between Christian and Ana and I begin to worry. It's obvious that there is more than dinner in the offing here and I wonder about the girl and what her motives are.

He is clearly attracted to her and she to him and they seem perfect together; but, oh come on Grace, he's a grown man, if it were Elliot you wouldn't think anything of it, I admonish myself. On the other hand, Christian does not date! Well not that we know of. I need to know more about this girl.

I ask how they met and he tells me that they met up when he and Elliot went for a night out in Portland and again when she interviewed for the student newspaper. There you go Grace perfectly ordinary and Elliot has introduced Kate to us so I do know of their meeting stop being over protective. Of course Christian has a sex life; he just prefers to keep it private. Until now we have never met any of his; what? Girl friends. Has his life been filled with bed mates like Elliot and he has chosen not to bring them home? But here he is with Ana not the least bit worried about my meeting her; she must be special.

"Christian you are still coming to the Coping Together ball next week; you know Mia looks on you as her date?"

"Well she may just have to bring a date of her own this year as I will be bringing Ana as mine" he grins. Poor Ana looks surprised he obviously hasn't mentioned this to her yet. He sees her face,

"You will come with me won't you?" he smiles at her his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Mmm, now I will have to consider that;" She teases. "I may have to wash my hair that night" she gives him a little wink.

"Ah well, me and my sister, again. Just a pair of wall flowers" he sighs but he is smiling broadly.

"You must come, Ana. My husband and I will be so pleased to see you there"

"Thankyou, Mrs. Grey, I would be delighted. Tell me what Coping Together is?"

"It's a charitable organisation Carrick, my husband, and I founded. It's an annual ball to raise funds helps young mothers with babies and children who have through various circumstances have a drug dependency. We give them support to help them raise their children; we have rehab programs to help them kick the habit. We help them find homes and jobs to support themselves so they don't have to prostitute themselves for money that instead of providing food, a place to live and safety they spend on drugs. Often in those circumstances the children are neglected and abused. It's an organisation that's very close to our hearts." I explain. I don't know if Christian has told her of his back ground so I don't elaborate further.

Christian shifts uncomfortably and I can see that he doesn't want to go there.

"So Christian, why can't you take Ana to a nice restaurant for dinner instead of her slaving in the kitchen for you?"

"Really Mrs. Grey I want to…"

"Mom do you realise what pressure Ana would be under from the media if she were to be seen with me on a date? Taylor," he gestures with his head at his CPO who is sitting at a table by the door. "has had to stop at least three people from taking photos of us with their mobile phones and I guess we have just time to finish this coffee before the press turn up. If Ana comes to their attention she won't have a minute's peace. She has only recently moved to Seattle and starts her new job on Monday can you imagine what her employers will think if the media are hanging about outside her place of work. I don't want her to have to deal with that until I can get some security in place for her."

I look at Ana who staring open mouthed at Christian "You have got to be kidding me. Why would anyone be interested in me?"

"It's because my son is a high profile personality in Seattle, as you no doubt know he is the CEO of GEH and quite a wealthy man. He is single and not unattractive; the media are interested in everything he does because he has achieved so much at such a young age. " I tell her proudly "and he leads such a private life so the moment he is seen with young lady like you their interest is peeked and it becomes headline news"

"Sir, they've spotted you, Sawyer is bringing the car round, and we need to move." Taylor has come over to us and is speaking quietly to Christian.

"See my mother to her car Taylor; I'll get Miss Steele into the car with Sawyer"

"It's ok Christian; I see Wilson is following Sawyer. Looking forward to meeting you again Ana "I give Christian a kiss on the cheek and make my way out to the door where Wilson is waiting now to escort me to my car. I can see there are several reporters rushing down the sidewalk towards us Taylor watches me into the car as Sawyer appears to walk along side Ana so she can get into Christian's car.

Poor Christian no wonder he is so secretive about his personal life he can't even have a quite cup of coffee with me and a girl without them speculating when the wedding will be.


	32. Chapter 32

**Hi again thanks for all your support for the last chapter. Hope you like this one. Looking forward to you thoughts.**

**Chapter 32.**

As Taylor drives us back to Escala, I feel that there is a change in Ana's mood she seems to be deep in thought, brooding.

I take hold of her hand and gently run my thumb across her knuckles,

"Penny for your thoughts."

She turns to face me and there is a look of consternation on her lovely face.

"Is it always like that for you? You know the paparazzi invading your privacy, you needing personal protection"

"Unfortunately it is. It pisses me off; I can't understand why they are interested. I don't give a damn what they do in their private lives. The worst of it is are the threats I get makes any one I'm close to vulnerable; open to kidnapping or blackmail. These morons want my money, the easy way. So I have to take measures to safeguard my family; and, myself, and now you."

"Me! I'm not the least bit news worthy. Why would anyone be the least bit interested in me?"

"That's the point. You can be anonymous, enjoying you life in your own way. But you have dinner with me, seen with me and you become interesting to anyone who wants a piece of me. "The public wants to know Mr. Grey" I air quote I put my arm around her small shoulders pull her to me in an embrace. "I'm sorry babe"

"It's not your fault; I'm sure you don't go flaunting yourself like some film star. Mind you" She smirks, "you could cash in on it if you wanted, you know, sign autographed photos and sell them"

"I'll consider that when I'm short of cash. Seriously Ana this is my life can you cope with it?"

"I don't know Christian; it's rather overwhelming to think about being in the limelight" she looks sad and I get worried that she is going to bale out on me.

I can't let that happen she has to be with me. So I distract both of us with some sensual activities. I want to be naked with her so for the most part I hold her hands above her head but she wants to hold onto me put her hands on my back so during our orgasm I have to let her, it's hard but the pain I feel makes my orgasm more intense and I feel emotionally drained trying not to push her way from me.

When she falls asleep, I slip out of bed and dress in boxer briefs and tee shirt, slip back into the and hold her close her back to my front my arm around her waist my nose buried in her shoulder and drift off into the most restful sleep I have had, ever.

The next morning Ana reminds me that she has to get back to Portland. I'd quite forgotten that she hadn't really moved to Seattle yet and she and Kate have to pack up their old apartment. We drive back in my R8 the top down Bruce Springsteen blasting through the sound system.

I glace at Ana and I see she has a little smile on her face and she is tapping her foot in time to "I'm on Fire".

I squeeze her knee and let my hand wander up her thigh, "I've really enjoyed your company this weekend it's been a blast"

She pushes my hand away "Mind on the road Grey. I had fun too. Your mom is very protective of you isn't she?"

I frown "What makes you think that?"

"I think she was a bit suspicious of my intentions towards you, you know penniless student equals gold digger."

I don't answer her instead I turn off the road towards Olympia and stop at a little rustic looking restaurant in the woods.

I open the car door and help her out. I walk her into the restaurant my arm around her shoulders holding her close to me. It's decked out in a rustic style random chairs and tables with gingham table cloths, wild flowers in little vases. _CUISINE SAUVAGE_ it boasts above the door

"I haven't been here in a while: there is no menu; they just serve what they've caught or gathered." I grimace and wriggle my eyebrows. She giggles at me; I don't think she believes me.

It's not busy in the restaurant and we find a quiet table in a corner over looking the lake and woods outside. Once we have had our order taken by a waitress who ogles at me and glares at Ana _what have we done? _

Ana leans forward and whispers, "She fancies you."

I shrug "Well the feeling is not reciprocated I only have eyes for you"

She looks at me intently "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" I really don't know what she means.

"Because of what I said about your mom, you know not trusting me."

"Oh. No Ana I'm not upset because you're probably right, she does look out for us and worry about me especially."

"Why you?"

So I go for full disclosure of my early childhood and how I came to be adopted. I tell her about my subsequent phobias my occasional night mares and the haphephobia. I even go on to explain some of my ways of coping with my sexual activities.

I don't know why I am telling her so much about myself but it is a relief to be open with someone for a change.

Well I do know really and it is hard for me to grasp.

She looks at me all the time I'm talking; her facial expressions constantly changing with each new revelation.

"You are one crazy mixed up man Grey" she says softly, and I don't quite know if it's revulsion or sympathy she feels. I take her hand in mine;

"I know but I can assure you I'm not dangerous. Ana in the short while we have known each other I have come to think that you and I could enjoy being together. I have never felt so relaxed around any one the way I am around you. I would like us to be together. I know you came to me wanting me to be your first lover so you must feel something for me. Look I'm not explaining myself very well and I know I come with a lot of baggage but can you consider hanging around with me?" Christ I'm almost begging for her to let me into her life.

She refills her wine glass and takes a drink.

"Is the reason you kept your shirt on is so I couldn't touch you?"

"Yes."

"You didn't mind last night, nor did you?"

"I had to grit my teeth to stop myself pushing you away at first but I wasn't as painful as I thought it might be. I know it's all in my head and I can tolerate my family hugging me. This is what I mean Ana, I think with you I could be alright. I'm just so comfortable with you. Last night I held you close and ok, I had my tee shirt on, but I slept so peacefully and it was the same the night before. I have never slept with anyone in my bed before, I've always been too aware that they might touch me, but I wasn't bothered that you might,"

"Lets get out of here, "she says suddenly standing and reaching for her purse.

I pay the bill and we walk outside to the car.

########

Ana POV.

Christian has revelled things about himself I would never have possible. His early childhood must have been horrendous, I mean what sort of person beats and burns a toddler? Then his mom dying and him being left with her body, I can't imagine what would have been going through his head. Thank god that Mr. and Dr. Grey adopted him who else would have had the money and connections to enable him to have the therapy he needed as a young child. And of course Dr Grey is a paediatrician she would have known the best people to help Christian.

I can understand the issues he had as a teenager; all adolescent boys want to do is get laid; Christian knew that wouldn't be easy for him given his fears. So I can understand him going off the rails. I can even accept his BDSM life style, well as much as I understand it. Whether I can share it with him is another question. Christian is my first lover I don't know what my limits are regarding sexual activities.

For the first time in my life I see what all the fuss about sex is about; Christian has introduced to such sensual pleasure I didn't realised existed and I want more.

There are so many things I like about Christian and I want to be with him but his life style is so different from anything I know. The fact that he is so wealthy that he needs CPOs to protect him and his family from the crazysies out there; the fact that he cannot walk in Pike Place Market with the press hounding him, bothers me. As he said if I am seen with him I will be exposed to that too, I will never be free again to do just what I like.

I don't know if I can cope with all the changes that will take place in my life, I don't know if I will be enough for Christian. What if don't satisfy his needs?

All this suddenly hits me as we finish our lunch and I suddenly have to get out of there I need space, I need time.

I walk quickly along the wooded pathway that runs alongside the lake my arms around myself my head spinning. Christian is by my side in little time, he gently takes me in his arms and holds me close to him his head resting on mine; and I feel… safe.

"You ok babe?" he asks softly

"I don't know Christian, I need to think about all you have told me and whether I can live the way you do. It's a big step."

"Ana, my Ana." he whispers. And continues to hold me closely, stroking my hair.

We stand there for a long moment him just holding me.

"Lets get in the car and I'll take you home" and he hold me close to him his arm around my shoulders, I chance sliding my arm around his back and waist.

"Is this alright, my holding you like this?"

"It sure is" He says hugging me tighter.

We drive back into Portland and to my apartment just as it starts to rain. We have not spoken both deep in thought. No sexy music on the sound system this time but some gentle tunes reflecting our introspective mood.

As we park outside the apartment Christian turns in his seat to face me,

"I've given you a lot to think about Ana and I appreciate your feelings of doubt; but let me reassure you, I will do every thing in my power to keep you safe, let you have the freedom to do what ever you want without being hounded and… most of all, I will never ask you to do anything you don't want to do, I will never hurt you. If you decide to research the BDSM life style, please remember, I do not indulge in any of the hardcore stuff you will read about. Yes I like to play, use toys, bind your hands but what I do I like to call kinky fuckery. I will not expect you to be my submissive. You are an independent woman free to do what ever you like all I want is for you to be with me."

Then he leans forward places his hand on my cheek and kisses me deeply. And I respond kissing him back pulling on his hair, the tightening feeling in my groin making me groan with desire for him.

As we come up for air I hold is face in my hands and look deep into his intense gray eyes.

I don't know what to say to him because I'm not sure what these emotions are I have for him, but I'm sure I see the same turmoil going on in his face.

He pulls away from me and climbs out of the car. I watch him as he walks around to open the door for me, he has a slight frown between his brows and he runs his hand through his hair.

He offers his hand to help me out of the low slung car, and then he takes me in his arms again.

"When are you moving to Seattle?"

"On Saturday morning."

"Erm, can I take you out to dinner on Wednesday? I don't think I can wait a whole week before I see you again."

"Are you going to see me at the weekend then?" I smile

"Of course, you told mom you would come to the Coping Together ball on Saturday evening."

"Good lord yes I'd forgotten about that. Will you collect me from the new place?"

"You better believe it. So, what about Wednesday? We may have things to discuss, I mean if you have any concerns."

"There are things I need to think about Christian, but I promise you this, I will try and assimilate all that you have told me in a beneficial way, I am not going to reject you out of hand"

"Well thank fuck for that" he says as he kisses me soundly making me go weak at the knees.

And yes it is raining but strangely we don't seem to notice.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33.**

**Ana.**

I have barely closed the door of the apartment, when there is some one knocking on it; opening the door again I'm surprised to see Christian standing there; well not all together surprised.

He has an apologetic grin on his face,

"Have you changed your mind about coffee Christian?" I smirk at him.

"Sorry, I'd love to but I have a long drive back and I have a video conference at midnight. Well as much I'd like to stay and bury myself in you, I shouldn't. There was something I need to ask of you."

I can't help the pang of disappointment I feel, I want him too. I sigh "What can I do for you Christian?"

"I don't want you to tell Kate anything about what I have told you this afternoon. It's not that I don't trust you both. But with Kate's journalistic tendencies she may feel the inclination to dig, innocently, not thinking that it's best if I don't have my personal and private life plastered all over The Seattle Nooz."

At first I'm angry that he would think that way about my friend then I realise he is right; what wouldn't she give to have a scoop to establish her as a journalist. And Christian's life story would certainly make headlines and not necessarily in a good way.

"But she's dating Elliot; Christian won't he talk about you?"

"Elliot would not tell anyone about my past he would see that as betrayal and that's one thing he won't do any more than I would dish the dirt on him."

He looks so intense but I can't help but giggle. "Does Elliot have a kinky past too then?"

"Ah Ana that would be telling. Now kiss me again and I'll go." So I do he has a naughty twinkle in his eye but he leans forward and taking my shoulders he kisses me soundly.

"Do you have an email address? I can write to you and we can plan our date for Wednesday "

"Of course" and I tell him. He gives me another hug and I sense he doesn't want to let go but he eventually releases me and purposely walks away and climbs into his car. I feel quite lonely as I watch him drive away. I miss him already.

I found it very difficult to sleep that night considering all Christian's fucked up life and what his coping methods are. Although I care for him I am not sure that a relationship with him is good thing.

He was right in one respect however; Kate was merciless in her inquisition. I found her questions very intrusive even for a close friend. She wanted skin and bones details of my first time. But I turned the tables by asking her about Elliot's performance in bed, she got the message then as she felt that I was being nosy; touché Miss Kavenaugh, back off!

#######

CG POV

As I drive back to Seattle I think hard about Ana and how our weekend has been a fantastic experience for us both. I feel proud that Ana choose me to be her first time lover, I also feel very possessive of her, she is mine.

But deep down I have feelings that are alien to me, when I hold her in my arms, not just in bed but any time I touch her, walking hand in hand, with my arm around her shoulders, her arm around my waist; I feel a closeness and a overwhelming feeling of utter contentment.

Now as I drive away from her I am lonely, empty, bereft.

My biggest concern is that she will be scared away from me, my hang ups, and my way of life, the exposure to the media the girl won't have a minute's peace and the whole package, and is just not fair to her. I need to take things slowly give her time to adjust.

My method of coping with my deep seated phobia of being touched has worked for me but it has been soul-less sex, sex as a way of relieving a need like eating and drinking. But with Ana I felt a connection that has never been there before with any other woman; it takes my breath away. That I hope in time will become more, I want to be with her and the way I'm feeling about her, I don't need the kink side, may be in the future she will want to explore her own sexuality to experiment but I can give her time when she feels sure of me when she trusts me not to hurt her.

I am going to have to man up and overcome the panic; so nice and easy will do it for both of us.

Now how the hell am I going to get out of the Together Ball? My mom and dad will be more than a bit pissed if I am not there; after all it was founded because of me and my life with my birth mother.

It will be full on exposure if I take a date to that event; something I've never done before the fucking press will have a field day.

But I really would like to take Ana with me. Have her by my side, dancing with her, stealing away for a tryst in the boat house… _get your mind out of the gutter Grey._

#######

"Hi mom, good to see you the other day."

"Christian, hello darling, you alright? How is the young lady you were with?"

"I'm fine, more than fine. Actually, it's about Anastasia that I am calling."

"Something wrong? She is coming with you on Saturday; your dad would love to meet her."

"It's the paparazzi I'm worried about mom. I don't want Anastasia to be exposed as my girlfriend. She is quite shy and you know, as soon as the press get wind of us she will get no peace, it's just not fair to her."

"Is she your girlfriend Christian? Or just some passing fling" mom sounds a bit edgy

"Mom! This is me you're talking to not Elliot. How many dates have I ever brought to the ball?"

"Just wondering, she seems a nice enough girl"

Now I'm getting antsy.

"Don't you want her there? You did invite her you know"

"Oh don't get upset, Christian. If you want to bring her that's fine with us you know that. We just don't want you to get hurt if she turns out to be something other than what she appears to be."

"Mom I'm twenty seven years old, I think I can look after myself. I feel very comfortable with her mom, more than I've felt for anyone in a long time. And yes I'd like to consider her as my girlfriend but its early days and I don't want to scare her away with media attention."

For perhaps a whole minute my mom is silent. She hasn't heard me talk about a girl like this before.

"Very well then we will have to make sure she is kept out of the media eye. Now it's a masked ball so she won't be easily identified as she is not known in Seattle is she? I'll get Mia to order her a mask, in fact you could have Mia talk to her to see what sort of gown she will be wearing then they can co-ordinate. How will that be?"

"Mom when you and dad get to know her I'm sure you will like her. I will ring Mia and get her to meet with Ana. Mia will help to make her feel as she knows someone on the night. Do you know of Elliot is bringing a date?"

"Oh yes Elliot has a new girl in his life too you know?"

"Well that's not unusual, Elliot always has a new girl in his life"

#########

To Anastasia Steele.

Subject: Sisters

Date: Tuesday June 7th 10:30.

Hi Ana.

Hope you are settles in your new apartment and the job is going well.

I'm really looking forward to our dinner tomorrow. What time shall I pick you up?

By the way, my sister Mia will be joining us. She is so looking forward to meeting you. I have invited her because she will help you choose a mask to go with your dress for the Coping Together event on Saturday. I thought it would be good for you to have someone else at the ball for you to talk to and introduce you to people.

By the way any friend of mine is a friend of Mia's … because she just loves her big brother!

Thinking of you x

Christian Grey,

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

To Christian Grey,

Subject: Date night

Date: Tuesday June 7th 10:45

Hello yourself.

The apartment is great Kate and I are just about organised.

The first day at SIP was very interesting I think I am going to like working here.

I to am looking forward to our date tomorrow and meeting your sister. As you say it will be nice to have an ally at the ball. THE BALL! Feel like Cinderella.

I think Kate and Elliot are going too so we can have fun together.

Will Mia be able to show me a good place to get a BALL Gown? Will she be my fairy god mother and show what's appropriate for such a grand affair?

I finish work at 5:30 so you may escort me to dinner at 7pm.

Ana x.

To Anastasia Steele

Subject: May I?

Date: Tuesday June 7th 11:00.

Ana I can't wait to see you.

Please will you let me buy you your first Ball Gown? Please, please, please.

Christian x

Christian Grey,

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

To Christian Grey

Subject: Gowns

Tuesday: June 7th 11:15.

Christian, you don't need to do that. I can't let you buy me a gown.

I have to get back to work or I will have my boss breathing down my neck.

Will talk about this tomorrow.

Ana x.

Gah! I'm going to have to get Mia to take Ana shopping. I want to buy her a gown fit for a princess. Ah Ah an idea!

To: Anastasia Steele

Subject: please

Date: Tuesday June 7th. 12.00

Ana please let me buy you a gown for the ball, call it my graduation present. I have an account Niemen Marcus, just use my name.

I really want to do this for you. You are very special and so you should have a very special gown.

Begging Christian x

Christian Grey,

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

I am going to insist on this because I am sure she cannot afford the sort of gown she would be expected to wear for this affair that is attended by Seattle's elite.

She doesn't reply so she is either mad at me or she is too busy.

######

"Christian, I'm so happy for you. I really want to meet your new girl friend. Is she pretty? I bet she is. How old is she? Where does she work? What does she do? Is it true that she is a friend of Kate's? You know Elliot's new girl friend. Is Kate coming shopping with us too? Ooh it will be so much fun" at last Mia pauses for breath. Typical of Mia she rattling off at mile a minute giving no time to answer one question before she asks another.

Taylor and I picked her up at Belleview and from the moment Taylor closed the door of the SUV she hasn't stopped talking. I can see him through the rear view mirror shaking his head.

"Mia slow down, for fucks sake. Yes I think she is pretty, she is twenty two, and she works as an editor at a publishing house. Yes Kate is her room mate. I don't know if Kate will shop with you. Listen to me, sweetheart, Ana is quite shy so don't ask a lot of personal questions will you? Can you do me a big favour?"

"Oh Christian, trust me I won't embarrass her. What do you want me to do? You know I'll do anything for you."

"I want you to make sure some how that I pay for her dress and anything else she needs for the ball, you know underwear and such. But I don't want her to feel awkward about accepting a gift from me. She hasn't the kind of money we have…"

"That's so kind of you; you really are a lovely guy. How about I tell her you insisted on paying for both our outfits"

"That's a great idea and just for that and being so thoughtful you can put yours on my account too." I kiss the top of her head.

"I was going to anyway" she smiles sweetly at me, cheeky.

We have a great time at dinner, well Ana and Mia do. I didn't realise Ana could be so talkative. Of course with Mia around all the talk is about the ball. She tells us about the new guy she is dating apparently, he is just gorgeous.

Mia asks Ana what she is wearing.

"I don't know I'll have to shop on Saturday morning. And no Christian you are NOT coming with me nor are you buying my dress for me." she states firmly.

"But I wanted to give you a treat for your graduation." I pout and she bursts out laughing she ruffles my hair

"Aw little love, isn't he sweet Mia?"_ me sweet? I don't think so._

"Just let him pay for you Ana, my brother can sulk like forever if he doesn't get his own way."

Maybe it's the wine but Ana flushes and sighs "Well ok then if you insist."

I hold her face in my hands and kiss her gently, "Thankyou," and I have electric shocks running through me I want to prolong the moment, hold her close. And I get the feeling she would like to hold on to the moment too.

"Christian, Marker is here to take me home so I will leave you two. Thanks for dinner bro. Ana I'll call for you Saturday at 10 and we'll shop. Ask Kate if she is coming with us and we'll go to the spa and chill out in the afternoon."

"I'll ask her and thanks for helping me with everything." Ana stands and gives Mia a hug.

I kiss her cheek and hug her. Then she leaves us alone.

"We should leave too; I need to get you home you have to work tomorrow."

Taylor drives us to Ana's apartment and I climb out of the car and help Ana out. As I walk her to the door I hold her around her waist pulling her close to me and she slides her arm round my middle. Our kiss good night is passionate to say the least, neither of us wanting to let go.

"Come in, Kate is staying with Elliot tonight won't you stay with me?"

My head says no, but my heart and my dick says yes, out numbered. I wave to Taylor to tell him to go.


End file.
